Iliketodrink

My apologies if this is the wrong place to post,...basically my mom was the kind of alcoholic who would binge drink and finally got so sick from it and died at age 52...even though I don't binge drink, the daily alcohol intake is starting to scare me and I need support to stop. It was horrible seeing her drunk, just horrible,..I couldn't have friends home after school and I remember having to clean up after her when she puked etc,..not nice..
Well, I.....I don't even know where to start,..just feel like I can't NOT have a drink on a daily basis,...of course it didn't start that way, but that's how it is now,..I will sneak drinks (yes, drink straight out of the bottle of vodka or tequila) if I know we are going to a friends house wh don't have strong drinks,..I can drink a bottle of wine NO problem,..it also seems like I want to drink earlier in the day too,..i never used to touch hard liquor, and bc of that. Somehow convinced myself that I am not an alcoholic,..I can stop,..Jeezz,..it's just a few glasses of wine. But,...I have gained weight and have switched to vodka due to the calories,..I will also sometimes juice for a week perhaps to make myself feel better or to show the world,..look at me,..I can stop,..I don't need to drink,..!!
I CAN stop,...I don't wake up in the AM with shaky hands and wanting / needing a drink.....but I want to drink every afternoon...EVERY afternoon. And I don't just want 1 cocktail,...I'd rather have 4!!
I can't believe I am even writing this,..!
I am almost 41, have a great hubby who says nothing and three wonderful kiddos!,
Anyone else like me out there????

Hevyn

Welcome to SR. I know you'll find the support & encouragement here very helpful.

Yes, many just like you are out here. I never heeded the danger signs when I was beginning to lose control - I'm happy that you are. I kept trying to use willpower to manage what I drank, and of course that always failed. In the end I was drinking all day - and was totally dependent on it. I'm glad you're taking a look at what it's doing to your life.

Iliketodrink

Thanks,...but how does one stop??
Cold turkey?? I am not ready to show my face at any meetings etc!
(not that there is anything wrong with that,..I'm just not there yet)

EmeraldRose

You are lucky that you can see that your drinking is becoming a problem to you before your family is in shambles and its a problem for them.
One thing an alcoholic is good at (besides drinking) is hiding the drinking. I tried all the tricks, hiding booze, filling decoys with water, buying more and circulating them, drinking straight when no one was looking...its gets to the point that you really need to take a good look in the mirror. Glad you're here and wishing you peace in your heart.

I am sorry about your Mom.

Dee74

Welcome Iliketodrink

I think there are many of us here like you....many of us found that things got worse and worse...

I recommend you see a Dr about quitting - I know you'd probably like to not involve anyone else, but detox can sometimes be tricky - it really is best to be safe.

You'll find a lot of support here too - a lot of people turning their lives around.

You can too

D

Ptcapote

Hi Iliketodrink, and welcome! I also went through the same with my father. He essentially drank himself to death at the age of 59 but not before destroying his marriage, his job, his reputation and his relationship with his kids. By high school I was also afraid to bring people home because I never knew what state he would be in. Eventually, so angry and worn out by his drinking, I also left. He died a year later.

So imagine my surprise when, at the age of 38, I realized that I was a full-blown alcoholic too! I also hid my drinking and had to keep increasing the amounts and frequencies. I never woke with shaking hands but my need was creeping up on me and it was getting much too easy on the weekends to start earlier and earlier. Hell, some weekends I never stopped---Friday through Sunday night was one continuous drunk.

I think there are many ways you can stop. There are as many ways as there are people here and you will find a ton of good advice and suggestions. I started by reading as much as I could about people that I thought had similiar stories to my own. There is a sticky at the top of the Newcomers page that has lists of great books that I recommend you check out. My first one was "Drinking: A Love Story" and that really hit me because I basically saw myself in so many behaviors the author describes. There are many others that will probably resonate as well.

I am four plus months sober now and I do attend AA (not as terrifying or humiliating as I once thought) but I had to come to that very slowly. Until I got there, I stuck around here most of the day, every day.

The big thing is whether you want to quit completely or not. I think many (if not most) of us tried the moderation thing and failed miserably so had to choose to quit completely and permanently.

Anyway, so glad you are here, I think this site is amazing and I hope you will find it as helpful as I have.

And don't worry, you are never alone here.

Keep posting and welcome again!

bigsombrero

Hi there,

Welcome, I was in a very similar situation - I used to stay away from hard alcohol, but once I started with vodka things went downhill quickly. If I was drinking wine I'd drink the entire bottle and was proud of myself if I just had one, I've drank 2 many times. I started drinking vodka everywhere, hiding it, drank early in the day etc. I hit a real dark period and had some big health problems.

Luckily those health problems put me in a hospital and scared me straight, I did treatment and the whole 9 yards, never in a million years did I think I'd go to alcohol rehab - but I'm glad I did. I didn't find this board until after I was sober, but there are many active drinkers here who are quitting, which is great!

What's the plan? Starting out with some goals and sticking to them is a great way to start, in my experience.

silentrun

I CAN stop,...I don't wake up in the AM with shaky hands and wanting / needing a drink.....but I want to drink every afternoon...EVERY afternoon. And I don't just want 1 cocktail,...I'd rather have 4!!


My alcoholic family member is a brother. I would bet your husband is not. If you are like my you purposefully chose a husband who didn't drink, because you know how much damage it can do. You have been very careful building your life. I got to that point where even though I didn't physically need to drink I realized all I really wanted to do was drink. That scared me beyond words. I am not saying you are an alcoholic. I am though and it didn't really start until my 30's. I had to stop because my family is blissfully unaware of the crap storm I am about to rain down on them if I fail. IF I am way off then ignore all that and...WELCOME

Iliketodrink

Wow,...thank you all for your wonderful stories and replies,...I feel like I have this big huge scary secret that I am sharing with you,..thank you for not judging and for sharing your stories!
Perhaps reading some books would be good first steps!
Xo

Nuudawn

Well ya, I think its safe to say we are all like you in one way or another. I was pretty much drinking every day...at night...wine mostly..sometimes only a glass or two..sometimes the whole bottle..and in some episodes too many to count. I know sometimes I couldn't get it into me fast enough. Sometimes it felt like I was trying to fill up some hole even when I didn't think there was anything bothering me. I know I drank to feel better or even better...to easy social anxiety..to make laundry more exciting. I drank to alleviate boredom and or be content home alone (rather than get out there and do things or call friends). I drank to black out..and sometimes drove my vehicle. Drinking was my hobby and my best friend. My life was getting smaller, weaker and sicker..year by year and day by day. I did not drink during the day ...but my use/abuse of alcohol was far beyond social. It was my hobby.
Only you can answer what it is you need to do or what alcohol is doing to your life.

sunshinescooby

You sound just like me with the drinking. Praise God I didn't have alcoholic parents. Otherwise who knows where I would be now. But yes I used to have a couple of drinks and then it turn into many many drinks On a daily basis.

Like you I couldn't imagine going one day without alcohol, And I've been trying to control my drinking for many years. I'm a bit older than you and I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and find that I'm still drinking two bottles of wine a day or whatever it is.

i am definitely an alcoholic.. And there are only two directions from here down or up. I want to go up. Sounds like you do too. I just managed to drag myself to my first AA meeting today and it was great. I would highly recommend it even though it seems like you may not be ready to go. It won't hurt you and people will be wonderful to you..

You've Found a great place on here. And you'll find that We all share many of the same issues. God bless you

Steven567

Hi Iliketodrink, welcome to SR. We all are or have been in the same boat as you. I am currently in the same boat and trying to deal with it one day at a time. You will find plenty of support here. I just got through day 3 of not drinking. One of the things that has helped me these last few days has been changing up my daily routine. Good luck and keep us up to date on how things go.