New to recovery. Happy to be here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
New to recovery. Happy to be here!
Hello!
I've been an active alcoholic for about 12 years. That's alarming for me to write. I "partied" in high school and college, I even had a problem then. I became fully "pickled" in my early 20s, but I was in denial and chalked up my drinking to just being young and having "fun." I'm 34 now and I'm not having very much fun anymore.
I joined AA several years ago and it changed my life. Sobriety was wonderful for me. I fell off the wagon after several months, though, because I mistakenly thought I could start drinking "normally" after drying about a bit. Wrong.
I'm now on day 6!!!!! It's amazing how sobriety puts everything in perspective. I am sober, clear-headed, I have energy to play with my kids and walk my dogs and I feel really happy. I'm staying at my mom's house right now, just laying low. The real test will be when I go back home and face my old life.
I haven't gone to any meetings yet, but I'll start when I return home. My challenge is: I'm in a not-very-happy marriage to an alcohol-dependent person. He's not really a drunk--he drinks heavily (several drinks a day on a good day), but I've rarely seen him visibly drunk and he's always responsible (never drinks and drives ever, he always calls a taxi if he's out). My problem is that he likes me as a drinking buddy. I don't have to buy liquor because he always buys it for me. He has mimosas ready for me on Sunday mornings, bottles of red for me at dinner. At cocktail hour he's always mixing V&Ts.
Several months ago I told him I wanted to go back to AA. He was kind of joking but he said "if you join AA, I'm leaving you." He elaborated that "I'm always looking for the magic bullet that will fix my life, and this week it's quitting drinking."
Actually, quitting drinking WILL fix my life--quitting drinking will not fix all my problems, but my sobriety WILL enable me to confront my problems instead of numbing myself. I realized I do want to separate, but my alcoholism has kept me in a state of powerlessness. I have been unable to make any decisions or do anything good for myself.
I'm hoping things will start to turn around for me now that I'm really confronting my drinking.
Thanks for reading, this is a great site and I'm excited to get to know you all better!
I've been an active alcoholic for about 12 years. That's alarming for me to write. I "partied" in high school and college, I even had a problem then. I became fully "pickled" in my early 20s, but I was in denial and chalked up my drinking to just being young and having "fun." I'm 34 now and I'm not having very much fun anymore.
I joined AA several years ago and it changed my life. Sobriety was wonderful for me. I fell off the wagon after several months, though, because I mistakenly thought I could start drinking "normally" after drying about a bit. Wrong.
I'm now on day 6!!!!! It's amazing how sobriety puts everything in perspective. I am sober, clear-headed, I have energy to play with my kids and walk my dogs and I feel really happy. I'm staying at my mom's house right now, just laying low. The real test will be when I go back home and face my old life.
I haven't gone to any meetings yet, but I'll start when I return home. My challenge is: I'm in a not-very-happy marriage to an alcohol-dependent person. He's not really a drunk--he drinks heavily (several drinks a day on a good day), but I've rarely seen him visibly drunk and he's always responsible (never drinks and drives ever, he always calls a taxi if he's out). My problem is that he likes me as a drinking buddy. I don't have to buy liquor because he always buys it for me. He has mimosas ready for me on Sunday mornings, bottles of red for me at dinner. At cocktail hour he's always mixing V&Ts.
Several months ago I told him I wanted to go back to AA. He was kind of joking but he said "if you join AA, I'm leaving you." He elaborated that "I'm always looking for the magic bullet that will fix my life, and this week it's quitting drinking."
Actually, quitting drinking WILL fix my life--quitting drinking will not fix all my problems, but my sobriety WILL enable me to confront my problems instead of numbing myself. I realized I do want to separate, but my alcoholism has kept me in a state of powerlessness. I have been unable to make any decisions or do anything good for myself.
I'm hoping things will start to turn around for me now that I'm really confronting my drinking.
Thanks for reading, this is a great site and I'm excited to get to know you all better!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Welcome WhiteFeathers! Congratulations on your 6 days of sobriety!!! That's awesome! 
You're clearly doing the right thing, and AA sounds like it was a very positive experience for you in the past. Please don't let your husband or anyone distract you from taking care of yourself. You've got a great attitude and stay focused on that. You've certainly come to the right place. SR provides wonderful support and encouragement.
Keep posting and stay positive. We're cheering for you!!
You're clearly doing the right thing, and AA sounds like it was a very positive experience for you in the past. Please don't let your husband or anyone distract you from taking care of yourself. You've got a great attitude and stay focused on that. You've certainly come to the right place. SR provides wonderful support and encouragement.
Keep posting and stay positive. We're cheering for you!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Thanks for the replies! This is such a supportive community.
I'm so grateful to be sober/not hungover today. I'm taking my son to the amusement park and we're going to have a great time!
I'm currently in my hometown, a little nervous because usually I meet my old friends for drinks and get raging drunk. I'm meeting a friend this evening. I'll suggest we go for sushi instead of drinks or maybe to a cafe. This friend is always very supportive.
It's amazing. After just under a week of sobriety, I already feel 10 years younger! I think I look younger too! My brain feels less "swollen." My eyes are clearer. I need to remember this and be grateful everyday. I don't think I can afford to go back.
I'm so grateful to be sober/not hungover today. I'm taking my son to the amusement park and we're going to have a great time!
I'm currently in my hometown, a little nervous because usually I meet my old friends for drinks and get raging drunk. I'm meeting a friend this evening. I'll suggest we go for sushi instead of drinks or maybe to a cafe. This friend is always very supportive.
It's amazing. After just under a week of sobriety, I already feel 10 years younger! I think I look younger too! My brain feels less "swollen." My eyes are clearer. I need to remember this and be grateful everyday. I don't think I can afford to go back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
That's an awesome plan!
I noticed that I started to look younger after I quit too! I love how the whites of my eyes were whiter, face bloat finally went away and hair is not all dry, it's getting smooth again. (Yay!) There are only good things to come with sobriety. Such a great gift we can gift to ourselves!
Glad you are here!
I noticed that I started to look younger after I quit too! I love how the whites of my eyes were whiter, face bloat finally went away and hair is not all dry, it's getting smooth again. (Yay!) There are only good things to come with sobriety. Such a great gift we can gift to ourselves!
Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 337
Welcome WhiteFeathers and well done on your day 6 so far :-)
You mention you have a son so if you go to the newcomers daily support threads you'll see the Mom's thread; please join us here as well.
I think you know what you need to do - and whilst it won't be easy it will be worth it for you and your son in the long run. You don't need to be anyone's drinking buddy - especially your husband who should be supporting you in this. Sadly that isn't always the case and as you desire to be sober and he tries to sabotage this then that can't (in my opinion) be a loving relationship.
Hope that's not too harsh - and good luck on your day 7. You know you can do it!
You mention you have a son so if you go to the newcomers daily support threads you'll see the Mom's thread; please join us here as well.
I think you know what you need to do - and whilst it won't be easy it will be worth it for you and your son in the long run. You don't need to be anyone's drinking buddy - especially your husband who should be supporting you in this. Sadly that isn't always the case and as you desire to be sober and he tries to sabotage this then that can't (in my opinion) be a loving relationship.
Hope that's not too harsh - and good luck on your day 7. You know you can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Lifebeginsat41, it's not harsh. It's true!
I'm getting my priorities straight.
#1) Stay sober
#2) Be the best mom I can be
#3) Finish grad school (sober)
This last semester in grad school really pushed me over the edge. I was shocked at how going back to school brought up all these feelings of anxiety and worthlessness. Miraculously, I've been getting straight A's despite being loaded the WHOLE time.
I'm getting my priorities straight.
#1) Stay sober
#2) Be the best mom I can be
#3) Finish grad school (sober)
This last semester in grad school really pushed me over the edge. I was shocked at how going back to school brought up all these feelings of anxiety and worthlessness. Miraculously, I've been getting straight A's despite being loaded the WHOLE time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Welcome WF. I have known many people in your exact situation and many have recovered. Some stayed married and some not. You are taking the right first steps and tomorrow will be one week sober. So many things have changed in my life since quitting. My wife and I have a very different life, happy hour, thirsty Thursdays and the like are gone. It was hard to make the change but feels good. I have no idea about your relationship with your husband and I really hope it works out. Try not to think that far ahead. Stay sober today and we worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Good luck.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
to SR Whitefeathers and congratulations on day 6, having a plan and standing your grounds. I'd encourage you to join the class of June. I got a lot of support from my peers here in the January thread, becoming sober at the same time, we share similar experiences and are able to help out each others.We can do it
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