Trying to get courage for first AA meeting
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
In my neck of the woods, it goes "Keep coming back, it works if you work it, and work it b/c you're worth it!"
Some meetings just say "Keep coming back, it works if you work it", some say the whole thing...
Some meetings just say "Keep coming back, it works if you work it", some say the whole thing...
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Went to my second meeting and it was different than the first (different group). Yesterday's meeting had 50-ish people and this one had 10-ish.
I am loving the meetings so far. There is not one person who has spoken who I haven't related to or learned something from.
I admit I went in thinking I'm not as bad as *those* people, maybe this is overkill, but with every person I hear speak, I realize more and more that I am those people. I actually felt very at home today. Finally people who know and can relate to what goes on inside my head and the struggles I deal with.
They offered white chip at this meeting as well and said it's symbolic of waving a white flag and surrendering, and that it's for anyone who wants one. They all looked at me of course. LOL But I didn't take it since I got one yesterday - I didn't want to be greedy or something, I don't know.
Anyway, if anyone wants to keep in touch with me about meetings or wants opinions from a noob's perspective, feel free to pm me. I will be trying a couple more meetings so I can see the differences.
I am loving the meetings so far. There is not one person who has spoken who I haven't related to or learned something from.
I admit I went in thinking I'm not as bad as *those* people, maybe this is overkill, but with every person I hear speak, I realize more and more that I am those people. I actually felt very at home today. Finally people who know and can relate to what goes on inside my head and the struggles I deal with.
They offered white chip at this meeting as well and said it's symbolic of waving a white flag and surrendering, and that it's for anyone who wants one. They all looked at me of course. LOL But I didn't take it since I got one yesterday - I didn't want to be greedy or something, I don't know.
Anyway, if anyone wants to keep in touch with me about meetings or wants opinions from a noob's perspective, feel free to pm me. I will be trying a couple more meetings so I can see the differences.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
i'm totally greedy... i got a silver chip (the 1-24 hr/1-29 day chip is silver here) at all five of the six meetings i went to in my first week!
i'm doing the exact same thing when i pickup my 30 day chip starting on tuesday... and i'm giving three of my silver chips (excluding the first and last) to the three people who helped me start this journey.
anyway... that's just me! it's awesome that you're trying out different meetings. they can all offer different things that we need or want for our journeys...
i'm doing the exact same thing when i pickup my 30 day chip starting on tuesday... and i'm giving three of my silver chips (excluding the first and last) to the three people who helped me start this journey.
anyway... that's just me! it's awesome that you're trying out different meetings. they can all offer different things that we need or want for our journeys...
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Aww dang, i should have accepted one tonight then. 
I wasn't sure if I should.
They haven't had 1-24 hr or 1-29 day chips so far...I was hoping for a one week chip since I will be seven days tomorrow. But it's ok - I'm really looking forward to my 30 day chip and might even speak at that meeting. :~p
I wasn't sure if I should.They haven't had 1-24 hr or 1-29 day chips so far...I was hoping for a one week chip since I will be seven days tomorrow. But it's ok - I'm really looking forward to my 30 day chip and might even speak at that meeting. :~p
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I may not have done that YET
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam 
I admit I went in thinking I'm not as bad as *those* people
in the old days
true
I wasn't that bad --------- YET
then I went back out and sank even farther than their stories told
a lot of YETS in the program
true
I may not have done that YET
but
give me a drink or drug and now I know that anything is possible
true
I wasn't that bad --------- YET
then I went back out and sank even farther than their stories told
a lot of YETS in the program
true
I may not have done that YET
but
give me a drink or drug and now I know that anything is possible
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
I went to my 2nd meeting tonight.. a lot of the same people. A few people introduced themselves and said welcome, but they all know each other and were greeting and hugging each other I felt really uncomfortable.
The meeting was very good and a lot of things I could relate too. They went through the chips so fast and they said 30 days and then they said 1 day, and I am between the two, and then they closed up the box so fast that I didn't even have a chance to react. So, I still haven't gotten my chip and that was one of the main reasons I went..
However, I got a lot out of the meeting, so I'm glad I went.
The meeting was very good and a lot of things I could relate too. They went through the chips so fast and they said 30 days and then they said 1 day, and I am between the two, and then they closed up the box so fast that I didn't even have a chance to react. So, I still haven't gotten my chip and that was one of the main reasons I went..
However, I got a lot out of the meeting, so I'm glad I went.
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
On another positive note.. Last Thursday I was freaking out because it was the start of the weekend.. This Thursday I still thought a lot about drinking, but I wasn't tempted.. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
I went to my 2nd meeting tonight.. a lot of the same people. A few people introduced themselves and said welcome, but they all know each other and were greeting and hugging each other I felt really uncomfortable.
The meeting was very good and a lot of things I could relate too. They went through the chips so fast and they said 30 days and then they said 1 day, and I am between the two, and then they closed up the box so fast that I didn't even have a chance to react. So, I still haven't gotten my chip and that was one of the main reasons I went..
However, I got a lot out of the meeting, so I'm glad I went.
The meeting was very good and a lot of things I could relate too. They went through the chips so fast and they said 30 days and then they said 1 day, and I am between the two, and then they closed up the box so fast that I didn't even have a chance to react. So, I still haven't gotten my chip and that was one of the main reasons I went..
However, I got a lot out of the meeting, so I'm glad I went.
As you get to know people more, and they you, you will feel more comfortable.
I think at first, even though people are welcoming, they see people come and go so until they see you fairly often they are not sure what you are all about. The more you reach out to others, the more they will reach out to you. This can be scary. At times I felt as though I was intruding on a clique.
Being one of the newer members I try, if I see someone new, go out of my way to say hi and introduce myself. Sometimes I see them again. Sometimes I don't. I try not to drawn any conclusions or form opinions. I just want to say Hi and be friendly just like someone else did for me.
If I see someone standing alone, I go and say Hi and introduce myself. Then I let it go from there. If they talk, they talk. Not all talk has to be about AA or sobriety. Sometimes just a small conversation about life. Bad day at work or a good day at work. The weather etc. It just opens the line of communication.
I have almost three months and there are many people I hug and talk to while others, even though I have seen them every time, they still keep their distance. Why, I cannot say. Maybe they take time to warm up. Maybe they are afraid of me or have anxiety issues. Maybe they just don't like me.
Can't say and really, I don't need it know. If they are there and I am there then we are there for the same thing, the primary purpose. To stay sober and help others to do the same.
A couple weeks ago I was tired. I was just beat so I stayed home. When I went to the meeting the next day I had two people mention to me that I was not there. One mentioned it casually. Just a "you were not here yesterday, were you?". I told them I was tired and just took a rest. They understood. Another was so happy to see me and was worried if I was okay. I told her, next time I am not going to be there I will call or text her. She said please do, I was worried
I was actually missed. People expected to see me and worried for me since I was not there. That made me feel good. To be missed is a new concept...lol
I am sorry you did not get your chip. Next time you will get one
You just have to be quicker on the draw..lol
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
Hello Gracie,
Love the LAB picture.. I love labs.. I love dogs!
you wrote:I think at first, even though people are welcoming, they see people come and go so until they see you fairly often they are not sure what you are all about. The more you reach out to others, the more they will reach out to you.>>
Yes, because of my past professional experiences I think I may tend to come off as confident and quiet.. Of course, I'm totally the opposite. I thought about sharing or saying something but I wouldn't have been able to do it without breaking down.
What is it with all the emotion?
I'm sure they see people come and go all the time. I am still struck by the mix of people.. Again, shocked that some of these folks can be alcoholics..
Thanks again everybody.. Next time I'll probably jump up when they say a year or something!
Love the LAB picture.. I love labs.. I love dogs!
you wrote:I think at first, even though people are welcoming, they see people come and go so until they see you fairly often they are not sure what you are all about. The more you reach out to others, the more they will reach out to you.>>
Yes, because of my past professional experiences I think I may tend to come off as confident and quiet.. Of course, I'm totally the opposite. I thought about sharing or saying something but I wouldn't have been able to do it without breaking down.
What is it with all the emotion?
I'm sure they see people come and go all the time. I am still struck by the mix of people.. Again, shocked that some of these folks can be alcoholics..
Thanks again everybody.. Next time I'll probably jump up when they say a year or something!
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
So far I find that most people at the meetings are very friendly and welcoming, but try to give me space. I am sure some worry they will come on too strongly. Some have no idea why I'm there but welcome me anyway. Some are there and don't want to be (court ordered), and some are really struggling themselves.
At both meetings there have been women who have introduced themselves and walked me through the meeting. They always explain that I don't have to talk, I don't have to say the prayer, tell me they are really happy that I'm joining them, and encourage me to just keep coming to meetings. They hug me too, which is nice.
I was such a wreck at the first meeting and the ladies could see it. They kept telling me that it's ok to cry if I want to, that a lot of people do. This ended up being a newcomers meeting which I wasn't aware of - more divine intervention! - and everyone who talked addressed being new to AA, how we (myself and another new girl) were the most important people in the room, that they understood just how HARD it was for us to even walk in that room, and what AA has done for them. They passed a packet around the room where all of the female sponsors wrote their names and phone numbers for me to call if I need to talk. This was a large group - maybe 50 or 60 people which split into two groups.
It's a really weird (but nice) feeling to be in a room full of people who seem glad for me to be there. I am normally very closed off to the world, but I soak up the support the like a sponge.
At both meetings there have been women who have introduced themselves and walked me through the meeting. They always explain that I don't have to talk, I don't have to say the prayer, tell me they are really happy that I'm joining them, and encourage me to just keep coming to meetings. They hug me too, which is nice.
I was such a wreck at the first meeting and the ladies could see it. They kept telling me that it's ok to cry if I want to, that a lot of people do. This ended up being a newcomers meeting which I wasn't aware of - more divine intervention! - and everyone who talked addressed being new to AA, how we (myself and another new girl) were the most important people in the room, that they understood just how HARD it was for us to even walk in that room, and what AA has done for them. They passed a packet around the room where all of the female sponsors wrote their names and phone numbers for me to call if I need to talk. This was a large group - maybe 50 or 60 people which split into two groups.
It's a really weird (but nice) feeling to be in a room full of people who seem glad for me to be there. I am normally very closed off to the world, but I soak up the support the like a sponge.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
Went to my second meeting and it was different than the first (different group). Yesterday's meeting had 50-ish people and this one had 10-ish.
I am loving the meetings so far. There is not one person who has spoken who I haven't related to or learned something from.
I admit I went in thinking I'm not as bad as *those* people, maybe this is overkill, but with every person I hear speak, I realize more and more that I am those people. I actually felt very at home today. Finally people who know and can relate to what goes on inside my head and the struggles I deal with.
They offered white chip at this meeting as well and said it's symbolic of waving a white flag and surrendering, and that it's for anyone who wants one. They all looked at me of course. LOL But I didn't take it since I got one yesterday - I didn't want to be greedy or something, I don't know.
Anyway, if anyone wants to keep in touch with me about meetings or wants opinions from a noob's perspective, feel free to pm me. I will be trying a couple more meetings so I can see the differences.
I am loving the meetings so far. There is not one person who has spoken who I haven't related to or learned something from.
I admit I went in thinking I'm not as bad as *those* people, maybe this is overkill, but with every person I hear speak, I realize more and more that I am those people. I actually felt very at home today. Finally people who know and can relate to what goes on inside my head and the struggles I deal with.
They offered white chip at this meeting as well and said it's symbolic of waving a white flag and surrendering, and that it's for anyone who wants one. They all looked at me of course. LOL But I didn't take it since I got one yesterday - I didn't want to be greedy or something, I don't know.
Anyway, if anyone wants to keep in touch with me about meetings or wants opinions from a noob's perspective, feel free to pm me. I will be trying a couple more meetings so I can see the differences.
It is really something isn't it. Having a group that understands.
Take the chip. Save them up. Down the road you may run into someone at a meeting that does not give chips and you will have a spare to pass on to them. It is about getting sober, staying sober and then giving back to others. If a spare chip you have can be given to someone else to represent hope and the courage to hang on for another 24, then do it!
Going to different meetings is a good idea. If there is one you can get to, I would suggest trying a Big Book meeting. The group starts at the beginning of the book and reads it all the way through. Everyone takes turns reading. If you don't want to read and just feel like following along, that is fine. Just pass. You also do not have to have a book. These meetings have spare books to share until you get one. When you get your own you can highlight or mark things that jump out at you that you want to go over again or you relate to.
If you go you will not know where they are in the book. When I started they were about 3/4 of the way through and reading the stories. We just started at the beginning three weeks ago. I was so excited to be able to do this. I was really looking forward to it.
Anyway, they read for a while and then stop and open the floor for comments. Like a discussion meeting but the topic is straight from what was just read and how we relate to it. Good stuff! I go on Mondays which is perfect for me. The meeting is fairly small, about 10, give or take, and it is quiet. Sort of my reflecting and meditation meeting. This is also the meeting where I met my sponsor
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Thank you, GracieLou!
I have been wondering what they do at the different meetings. I need to purchase the literature - do they sell it at the meetings? I know they discuss this in the beginning and think that they do, but I'm nervous and in a fog until I calm down a little.
I have been wondering what they do at the different meetings. I need to purchase the literature - do they sell it at the meetings? I know they discuss this in the beginning and think that they do, but I'm nervous and in a fog until I calm down a little.
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
At both meetings there have been women who have introduced themselves and walked me through the meeting. They always explain that I don't have to talk, I don't have to say the prayer, tell me they are really happy that I'm joining them, and encourage me to just keep coming to meetings. They hug me too, which is nice.
This ended up being a newcomers meeting which I wasn't aware of - more divine intervention! - and everyone who talked addressed being new to AA, how we (myself and another new girl) were the most important people in the room, that they understood just how HARD it was for us to even walk in that room, and what AA has done for them.
It's a really weird (but nice) feeling to be in a room full of people who seem glad for me to be there. I am normally very closed off to the world, but I soak up the support the like a sponge.
This ended up being a newcomers meeting which I wasn't aware of - more divine intervention! - and everyone who talked addressed being new to AA, how we (myself and another new girl) were the most important people in the room, that they understood just how HARD it was for us to even walk in that room, and what AA has done for them.
It's a really weird (but nice) feeling to be in a room full of people who seem glad for me to be there. I am normally very closed off to the world, but I soak up the support the like a sponge.
I did feel that everyone was glad I was there.. unlike I feel at some social events where all those demons come along with me.
I also haven't gotten to the stage where I feel I'm powerless over alcohol.. maybe in time I will get there, so that could be a mental block I"m having. Still that old tug of war going on.. Obviously a long journey of discovery, soul searching and tough decisions ahead!
But today is Friday and for the first time in many years, I think I don't need a drink today.. Might change later, but pretty confident I can get through the day without picking one up.. ( I wonder how many times and alky has said that over the years!!!) LOL!!!
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
We got this weekend, sunshinescooby! We don't need a drink.
Honestly it took me 27 years to realize and then admit that I'm powerless over alcohol. Willpower has only worked temporarily for me. I've even gone lone periods (months) where I haven't drank much at all. But I always end up in the same spot.
After doing something horrible while drunk that I can't even remember now and completely sobbing one night to my husband, saying over and over, "I'm an alcoholic. I can't stop, I can't stop. Why can't I stop this time? What am I going to do?? I don't know what to do." I KNEW that this time I had to try something different.
Honestly it took me 27 years to realize and then admit that I'm powerless over alcohol. Willpower has only worked temporarily for me. I've even gone lone periods (months) where I haven't drank much at all. But I always end up in the same spot.
After doing something horrible while drunk that I can't even remember now and completely sobbing one night to my husband, saying over and over, "I'm an alcoholic. I can't stop, I can't stop. Why can't I stop this time? What am I going to do?? I don't know what to do." I KNEW that this time I had to try something different.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
Hello Gracie,
Love the LAB picture.. I love labs.. I love dogs!
Love the LAB picture.. I love labs.. I love dogs!
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
I thought about sharing or saying something but I wouldn't have been able to do it without breaking down.
What is it with all the emotion?
What is it with all the emotion?
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
Again, shocked that some of these folks can be alcoholics.
Not only was she an amazing speaker but she had two situations in her past that mirrored mine almost to a tee. I was blown away. Not sure why at this point, but it never fails to amaze me the people that cross our path. They are put there for a reason. I really believe that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
Thank you, GracieLou!
I have been wondering what they do at the different meetings. I need to purchase the literature - do they sell it at the meetings? I know they discuss this in the beginning and think that they do, but I'm nervous and in a fog until I calm down a little.
I have been wondering what they do at the different meetings. I need to purchase the literature - do they sell it at the meetings? I know they discuss this in the beginning and think that they do, but I'm nervous and in a fog until I calm down a little.
If you have an inter group close by they may sell them as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
I also haven't gotten to the stage where I feel I'm powerless over alcohol.
I know I have. I think that is what finally brought me to where I am now. I never felt powerless either until there came a time in my life that I could drink like I always wanted to.
No social event, no friends, no husband, no boyfriend, no children. No judgement, no looks, no comments, no consequences. Just me and my booze.
At that point I still claimed the "no drinking until noon" on the weekends to who cares. I got no one to answer to anymore. I can drink at 6 am and I did.
I can stay inside, watch TV all day and drink. I got no one to answer to and I did.
At some point, not really sure when, I had a moment to realize how far I had fallen. I had finally got what I wanted. 26 long years and I had finally gotten my way.
The ole "Be careful what you wish for". I was a stunning example. My way was not going to work.
Originally Posted by sunshinescooby
But today is Friday and for the first time in many years, I think I don't need a drink today.. Might change later, but pretty confident I can get through the day without picking one up.. ( I wonder how many times an alky has said that over the years!!!) LOL!!!
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by GracieLou
Have you tried controlled drinking? Have you had times that you have had to control it, like a social function, and you felt uncomfortable doing so?
I know I have. I think that is what finally brought me to where I am now. I never felt powerless either until there came a time in my life that I could drink like I always wanted to. "
I know I have. I think that is what finally brought me to where I am now. I never felt powerless either until there came a time in my life that I could drink like I always wanted to. "
Dogs are definitely my saving grace!
Good question about controlling drinking. I definitely have a habit of drinking. A lot of times when I'm in a social situation and I may want to drink more or could drink more, but I hold back.. because i'm driving, or don't want to get drunk in front of others or have things to do after and I know being drunk nothing gets done. What worries me is that I can/could ALWAYS drink more.. and the drinking every day. And I am progressing down that slippery slope. So, maybe not powerless, but alcohol definitely does have power over me. That's why I think it's time to have a serious look.. Which I am doing.
And the big question will be.. Can I stay sober? If I can, then only goodness can come out of that.. and if I can't? Then I will know that i am powerless over alcohol, which is step 1..
Thanks for being so active on this thread. I appreciate the time you put into this, and realize that you have a lot of other things you could be doing.. (except drinking).
sunshinescooby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
We got this weekend, sunshinescooby! We don't need a drink.
I have a dinner party on Sunday evening, and I am planning on not drinking at it.. I guess that will be one of the 'tests' to see if I can do it or not..
Here's to a sober Friday night!
Looking forward to my sleepy time tea.. It's amazing how easy it is to develop new habits!!
Scoob
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