nenabean

Hi.......I'm a recovering addict for over 2 years,pills was my poison. My husband is an alcoholic and it's tearing our 17 year marriage apart. Other than my rehab and my current therapist, I've never reached out because I thought I could help him and that our relationship was so strong that he would stop drinking or at least control it. No dice. He picks arguments and will just be dice jerk. If I look right, I should of looked left to not **** him off. I can't reason with him when he's drinking and sometimes for a day or two after.
I've been crying all day because I know I have to let him go so he doesn't drag me down too. I want to have fun, make good memories. I don't want to worry about his embarrassing acts of yelling a t people out the window, etc just immature acts a 44year old man wouldnt do.
I know there's nothing I can do to help him. He has to do it himself. I've always considered myself .strong, independent person, but I'm scared I can't function without him. We have no one else but each other and our kids (that are 20&16)
does anyone have any advice, tips, etc

Dee74

Hi Nenabean

I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here, both in this forum and the Family and Friends forums too.

I think it's natural to feel you can't function without him, but how well are you functioning now?

Have you thought about checking something out something like AlAnon?

D

Nighthawk8820

Remember this, in sobriety, you can only control your actions, not anyone else's. You cant let anyone, even a spouse, bring you back down into the darkness that is addiction, or even dealing with an addict. I know you love him, I do, but you fought so hard to kick those pills and start a new life, and that is exactly what you should be doing. It will be hard, but you have come too far, and worked too hard to be dealing with this now.If it was meant to be, he will get help and you two can reunite down the road sometime, but as its going now, you should seriously consider moving on, before it gets worse for you.

Its like that cheesy line in songs, if you let something go, and it returns, then its yours to keep.........but sometimes you have to let that something, or someone go to really find out.

nenabean

I'm very sad. Almost depressed but staying busy. I cried slot so I'm tired (crying takes alot out of me). I have my daughter and her friend that lives with us. I feel like I'm stuck. I'm off to bed now. I have to work tomorrow. And thats anothet thing. the work environment is so negative jts unhealthh. I've been looking for a new job.

360shoes

Hi Nenabean,
First of all, welcome and great job on the 2 years! I can't wait till I can say that!

I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. 17 years and 2 kids is a lot of history. It's hard for folks who don't have addictions too. It's just plain hard.

I don't know that I have any great advise or wisdom but if it were me I would hope I would stay true to myself. I would have to do what I knew in my heart I had to do.

It's scary when you feel alone. Change is scary too.
Stick around and read and post. I think you will find a lot of people who have had to deal with this here.

nenabean

You should know that I am taking suboxone through my therapist.
Thank you for the kind truthful words
I said a million times its over, I'm leaving, etc....but today's feeling was different.
Goodnight.

BabyJane

My mom just left my dad after 30 years for this exact same reason. I know she went through hell trying to help him and I don't want to say he didn't try but he didn't seem totally ready. She agonized over the decision for a long time. I feel for you. I really hope you remember to take care of yourself during this process and look out for the mental well-being if your kids. He is an adult and you're right when you say he needs to want this for himself. Just done suffer in silence. People are here for you!

newhope01

I think alanon would be an excellent outlet for you with 3D people who may have some wonderful wisdom to share with you. I also think that you are incredibly courageous for not only sharing your story with us but also that you are willing to do anything to protect your sobriety, even it means leaving your husband.

I believe that deep down we usually know what is right for us and what we need to do to make ourselves happy. If you feel you need to leave him take solace in knowing that it may not be permanent. Perhaps your absence will trigger him into getting sober and ultimately save his life.

Im very happy that you have some support at home and that you are staying busy. Remember to do something special for you, like a nice walk or comforting cup of tea as you deserve it.

Take Care.

least

You've got a lot to deal with. Be sure you've got support for yourself thru alanon or a counselor. Regarding your husband, you might have to detach with love so he doesn't drag you down with him. As the saying goes: let go or be dragged.