How to quit quietly
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
How to quit quietly
Shhhhhh... You'll wake the baby!
Was anything in my life ever as big as quitting these addictions? Gaining back my dignity? Owning up to mistakes?
Absolutely nothing has been this big or important.
So how do I or would I expect that I can quietly do this and not tell anyone until it "sticks"?
I have seen a real pattern in me. In many here on SR. Lets keep this under wraps until it all goes away! Then we can sit around and laugh about it.
I have to say that my most progress was when I boldly let down my guard. Hell... My guard up was what was contributing to it all in the first place.
I have loosened my opinions of myself. Allowed myself to be vulnerable is small ways that have lead to big payoffs. I learned to trust others that as long as I was willing to go there that they were kinder and more forgiving. And I have much to be forgiven.
Sometimes I read many posts and an undercurrent of emotions hits me. When I see where I was in others. I have a long way I want to travel. How sober can I get? Lol but just wanted to vent a bit.
K
Was anything in my life ever as big as quitting these addictions? Gaining back my dignity? Owning up to mistakes?
Absolutely nothing has been this big or important.
So how do I or would I expect that I can quietly do this and not tell anyone until it "sticks"?
I have seen a real pattern in me. In many here on SR. Lets keep this under wraps until it all goes away! Then we can sit around and laugh about it.
I have to say that my most progress was when I boldly let down my guard. Hell... My guard up was what was contributing to it all in the first place.
I have loosened my opinions of myself. Allowed myself to be vulnerable is small ways that have lead to big payoffs. I learned to trust others that as long as I was willing to go there that they were kinder and more forgiving. And I have much to be forgiven.
Sometimes I read many posts and an undercurrent of emotions hits me. When I see where I was in others. I have a long way I want to travel. How sober can I get? Lol but just wanted to vent a bit.
K
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
So how do I or would I expect that I can quietly do this and not tell anyone until it "sticks"?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
The few times that I had quit before I never told anyone. I think it was a secret desire that I could go back to "normal" if I wanted. I came out to people as I had to. I think you do have to at some point come out. If for no other reason then just to say to yourself "I do not accept that for myself any longer." burning that bridge.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
For me I don't think anyone understands me better than another alcoholic. It just a plain fact for me.
The only person that I had to let know was my mother as she lives here but if she hadn't I would not have told her. A couple of weeks ago I called off work and she asked if I was sick and wanted some Nyquil. She is not an alcoholic. She does not understand.
The only other person I told was a good friend that lives a couple trailers up. I also was not going to tell him but he must watch my comings and goings more than I thought and kept throwing out guesses to where I went or where I was so I told him. He drinks and IMO qualifies as an alcoholic. I did not want to tell him as I was afraid it would scare him away. We talk almost everyday and is really the only friend I have left.
He was not scared away, and although he still drinks, he did confide in me last Friday that he had went to AA in the past and he was thinking about it again. So in this case it was a good thing I told him.
Saturday I told my daughter. I have almost three months and I felt comfortable telling her.
I have no other close friends or close family so I don't feel the need to plaster it on my Facebook or chat about it at work.
I go to AA meetings and I discuss it there which for where I am in my life right now is what I need to do.
The only person that I had to let know was my mother as she lives here but if she hadn't I would not have told her. A couple of weeks ago I called off work and she asked if I was sick and wanted some Nyquil. She is not an alcoholic. She does not understand.
The only other person I told was a good friend that lives a couple trailers up. I also was not going to tell him but he must watch my comings and goings more than I thought and kept throwing out guesses to where I went or where I was so I told him. He drinks and IMO qualifies as an alcoholic. I did not want to tell him as I was afraid it would scare him away. We talk almost everyday and is really the only friend I have left.
He was not scared away, and although he still drinks, he did confide in me last Friday that he had went to AA in the past and he was thinking about it again. So in this case it was a good thing I told him.
Saturday I told my daughter. I have almost three months and I felt comfortable telling her.
I have no other close friends or close family so I don't feel the need to plaster it on my Facebook or chat about it at work.
I go to AA meetings and I discuss it there which for where I am in my life right now is what I need to do.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Well, I talk about everything....but my sister quietly quit about 15 years ago. Neither way is better necessarily, just different. I think it comes down to honest introspection.
People roll differently.
People roll differently.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: way down yonder in the land of cotton
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I'm somewhat in the opposite corner. I'd be willing to discuss it with members of my family that already know, but no one seems to want to bring it up. Makes everyone uncomfortable. Taboo topic for midwestern Lutherans and Methodists, I guess.
I think the only kind of family that would willingly openly discuss this would be a family of addictions counselors maybe, and that would be "office talk" for them. Haha.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
I took two different approaches to opening up about my battle with alcohol and my attempts at sobriety. At first, like many, I hid it because I didn't want anyone to know if I failed (which I did the first go) and I also didn't want to field any questions or concerns about it. That got me as far as six weeks and one terrific relapse that many of you here helped me get clear of back in February.
This time I have been selective in order to keep my job but otherwise pretty open about it with friends and family. Sure, it's uncomfortable sometimes but being a drunk is WAY more uncomfortable in general than having to field a few silly questions. I still get a little annoyed at the "Are you cured yet?" questions (I always picture myself as a turkey in the oven and a whole group a people waiting for the timer to pop out of my ass or leg or whatever to declare 'she's done!!') but I also realize that most people are curious not because they are mean but because they are just curious or concerned. AND sometimes, I hope, they are curious because they are looking for help and want to feel not alone too. I know I was like that when I encountered someone open about their struggles and attempts to get sober. So, yeah, now I am much more open about it. Not shouting it from the mountaintops but not hiding it either.
Alcoholism causes way too much hiding. I'm done with that part now.
Another thought-provoking post, Ken, thank you.
This time I have been selective in order to keep my job but otherwise pretty open about it with friends and family. Sure, it's uncomfortable sometimes but being a drunk is WAY more uncomfortable in general than having to field a few silly questions. I still get a little annoyed at the "Are you cured yet?" questions (I always picture myself as a turkey in the oven and a whole group a people waiting for the timer to pop out of my ass or leg or whatever to declare 'she's done!!') but I also realize that most people are curious not because they are mean but because they are just curious or concerned. AND sometimes, I hope, they are curious because they are looking for help and want to feel not alone too. I know I was like that when I encountered someone open about their struggles and attempts to get sober. So, yeah, now I am much more open about it. Not shouting it from the mountaintops but not hiding it either.
Alcoholism causes way too much hiding. I'm done with that part now.
Another thought-provoking post, Ken, thank you.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
As always Weasel, your post is making me think! I've found I've definitely gone for the quiet route. In my circle of acquaintances it just feels too scary and I haven't wanted to feel like people are just watching and waiting to see if I slip up. Plus coming out as a needle addict is different from other types, people have very strong biases and opinions about those of us who used intravenously.
Also, though, in being honest, I've also wanted an out in case I do mess up, so nobody knows or catches me at it. Just another piece of my recovery I need to work on.
I also have not wanted to jeopardize my housing and the few jobs I can get so I haven't talked there either. As I have no family, that was not an issue.
Also, though, in being honest, I've also wanted an out in case I do mess up, so nobody knows or catches me at it. Just another piece of my recovery I need to work on.
I also have not wanted to jeopardize my housing and the few jobs I can get so I haven't talked there either. As I have no family, that was not an issue.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 136
I've done it quietly so far but it isn't possible to hide, even if it goes unsaid. I'm not sure about other alcoholics, but being an alcoholic.. I've always been the guy who loves his booze. So to not want booze is obviously denying myself something I've always loved, in the eyes of my friends and family, and I'd only be doing that if I thought I had a problem.
If we talk in terms of the alcoholic voice versus my own voice, I tend to think it's the alcoholic voice that wants to keep quitting secret. If I keep quitting secret I always have the option to return to drinking and continue as usual.
If we talk in terms of the alcoholic voice versus my own voice, I tend to think it's the alcoholic voice that wants to keep quitting secret. If I keep quitting secret I always have the option to return to drinking and continue as usual.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Me and my mum had danced round the issue for a couple of years , me saying i think i should give up , her as sweetly and gently as possible agreeing but not pushing the issue .
Me then lasting 10 mins , 1 hr , a day a week . so i suppose when i did quit the only person in my life knew but had heard it all before .
I didn't mention giving up to the guys at work untill i'd had nearly a year sober .
So in some ways it was quite . Sometimes i don't think there is or was much to say about it , you just got to knuckle down and deal with all the stuff around it .
M
Me then lasting 10 mins , 1 hr , a day a week . so i suppose when i did quit the only person in my life knew but had heard it all before .
I didn't mention giving up to the guys at work untill i'd had nearly a year sober .
So in some ways it was quite . Sometimes i don't think there is or was much to say about it , you just got to knuckle down and deal with all the stuff around it .
M
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