Sinderos

Ok so I'm at the bf's house and had no idea until he told me (before we went to the pool) that I had 3 8oz Lime a Rita's at his house. I wasn't going to drink them, but of course there were only 3. What could that hurt??? Of course it meant when those 3 were gone the store is a 3 minute walk to get more.

I'm upset with myself and know I must make ALL of the changes that are necessary in order to completely quit drinking. Having a pot head alcoholic bf who will not give up either one and does nothing except work, smoke and drink is not what I need to have in my life while trying to recover. I just need to muster the strength to give up the only person I'm close to in order to move on and find real friends.

Dee74

Hi Sinderos

No it's not easy when your significant other is an active drinker and user - but it's not his fault you drank either, tho, yeah?.

I think you're better off working on you and your acceptance of the lifestyle changes you need to make right now.

D

Anna

Yes, it's not easy when your bf drinks and uses. But, it's your choice to hang out with him or not and it's your choice to drink or not. I had to make some really tough choices in early recovery or I wouldn't have made it. It's not easy, but I hope you decide to live a sober life.

least

I hope you won't go thru this again. You need to work on yourself first, bf notwithstanding. You may stay with him or not, but your recovery is up to you.

FreeFall

I'm a little confused about how you drank the first 3 without knowing it? At any rate, you're here, you're expressing a wish to change, and those are two really good first steps.

Maybe if you do well with quitting your boyfriend will want to try it too?

UpForIt

Hi Sinderos-

I could have written this myself with the exception that he lived with me and I supported him for about 5 years. During my first attempt at sobriety I asked him not to buy me wine, he still did just in case. In my last major binge I resorted to drinking his beer (which I hate) and while sobering up I asked him not to keep beer in the fridge - he could keep it in a cooler in his truck - in a cooler in a spare bedroom anywhere else. I kept opening the fridge to 24 packs. He'd smoke pot and demolish most of a 24 pack on a nightly basis.

When I finally got him to realize that I needed to change, he came into the bedroom one night while pretty wasted and said that we can't be together. And this is a quote "We can't be together because I'm always going to be the guy with the beer in his fridge." How's that for love? He chose beer over me. Not that I thought I could compete. He moved out a little over a month ago and I do miss him. He became my only social circle. The harsh reality though is that he didn't want me sober. He didn't really want me at all.

I'm not saying this to tell you what to do but I found that I couldn't be around him. When I talk to him now he is still a bit of a trigger for me. I could get blackout drunk in his presence tomorrow and it would be okay with him. That's a place I'm never going again. If I'm honest with myself I want to be with someone who expects better of me. Maybe even demands it!

Sorry this is long, but it really struck me. Keep talking. We need others on the same path in our lives. Even while we sort out the present.

Nuudawn

Hello Sinder...sorry you weren't able to stay sober today. I too am confused as to why you didn't know you were drinking alcohol? Couldn't taste it? Ultimately sobriety is our responsibility. People will be drinking around us unless you hole yourself up in a cave. As others have mentioned you have to determine how important YOUR sobriety is and whether or not you can have a partner who is drinking. People may disagree with me, but I don't think our partners have to do for us what we need to do for ourselves. If he wants to drink and smoke pot..his choice. Your ONLY choice is whether you can protect your own sobriety boundaries around him..or not.

Sinderos

I think some may have mis-read. I knew I was drinking but until he told me they were in the drawer in the fridge I didn't know they were there. I made the choice to drink. Thankfully I didn't get wasted. I know it was my choice to drink. He definitely didn't force me to. He keeps saying he's going to quit but I have no doubt he isn't serious.

UpForIt, although we don't live together I have helped him financially for 2 1/2 years. I didn't give him money, but I've bought lots of liquor, groceries, etc. He is my only "social circle" as we'll. He never tells me he loves me, takes me out, or gives me compliments. In my heart, I know it's time to move on. When it's your only "friend" (typing this puts his friendship in a whole new light).

Thank you all for your comments. I have no desire to continue drinking today. Yesterday was just a bump in the road. It's done. I can't change it but can and will learn from it and strive to do better.