nadaurz

Hi. This is all very new to me. I live in a very small, close-minded community in Nebraska and am very isolated. I have been a major topic of the grapevine since my boyfriend was arrested a year and a half ago for drugs. I recently graduated from an intensive, 30-day, inpatient treatment program. I am not really having a tough time staying sober, but am going crazy from the isolation since I came home. My support system is about 45 miles away and my car broke down, so I'm pretty much stuck in this god forsaken place for now. My boyfriend is currently in a halfway house, so we at least get to talk. In many ways, I feel he was the lucky one because life in this town has really sucked since he has been gone. I have used since I was 12 and am now 52. I pretty much need to rebuild my entire life, but feel as though I'm stuck in limbo at this point. There is nobody here I can trust or talk open and honestly with, so have basically become a total shut in. Just going to get smokes causes major anxiety. I'm tired of the stares and whispering. I can't even go for a walk without the town cop circling me. I'm not just being paranoid and it's not my imagination. Anybody have any suggestions for staying sane?

Nuudawn

Coming here is a great start. I'm sorry you feel so "conspicuous". All you can do is stay sober and prove to them you are much more than what you were. I know for me "being alone" or isolated can be a big trigger...that's why I"m happy this place is open 24/7. Welcome. Others will be along soon with more ideas.

bigsombrero

Like the previous poster said - that's what we're here for. Check out our locations - a lot of us are in places that unfortunately don't lend themselves well to peer support. Not that it matters, there are folks here in many different situations and you'll get all kinds of advice and feedback for your questions!

Welcome. Sounds like you're having a bit of a lonely time and I can completely understand. It's so hard to be the "outcast" (or at least have that perception). There's a lot you can do for yourself to shake off that feeling. I went to an intensive in-patient program also and graduated almost a year ago, there's been a lot of ups and downs, and being seen as a "deviant" by others was something that took me a while to get over....almost a year later, people think I'm a "goody-two-shoes". And now I complain about that! Ha. You'll get the hang of it, welcome aboard.

DG0409

Welcome to SR.

This place is wonderful for finding support and information to stay sober.

Congrats on getting/being sober!!

Dee74

Welcome nadaurz
you'll find a lot of support here

I have no suggestions as I don't live in a small town, but I know you'll find input here

D

DrakeCKC

Welcome to SR lots of support here, so you are isolated no longer. Been a great help to me.

Nighthawk8820

You know, instead of looking to outside sources to entertain and comfort you, this is a GREAT chance for you to get to know you!!!! I really think everything happens for a reason, and right now you are supposed to be isolated. This is something a lot of addicts coming right out of rehab would kill for. I would have loved, LOVED to be alone when I was first starting out, away from everyone so I could just focus on myself. This could be just what you need, because as addicts in recovery, I think we all need to learn to be self sufficient and learn to be alone and be okay with it. Many people search out peer groups, any group, so they wont have to look inside or be alone with themselves, because they are afraid of what they may see. In recovery, its absolutely crucial you look inside, and face whatever it is you find. Now is as good of time as any, so try and see the positive in it. Plus, you have this forum if you want to reach out and chat with people. Use this time to heal, to reflect, and to grow!!! You can do it and will be so much stronger for it.

Try and ignore what everyone is saying or the looks you get. Right now, they have an opinion on you based on past mistakes and actions, and it will take time for them to see you have changed. They are a very tiny fraction of people in the world, and their opinions dont matter in the least. This will teach you to be your own person and not to care what others think, which is also a great thing to achieve in life. This is all temporary and someday, you can get out of there when you have a stronger foundation. Keep going to the store, and it will get easier everyday you do it. whatever you do, keep going out in the public daily, because if you start hiding, its a hard cycle to get out of. Dont let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are, what you are trying to do, or how far you have come.