Checking in on day zero
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Checking in on day zero
I've been lurking for weeks - months... I lost it again!
I need you guys. I've felt so ashamed of myself and did not want to come back and admit (admit to myself?) Nothing has happened (thankfully) I'm still functioning, but tired, grumpy, want to sleep forever, hate waking up...
I've chosen to go out and buy wine. I've chosen. For the last 6 days... 2 bottles a night.
I gave up on recovery, I gave up on it because it was hard work. I've convinced myself I was ok - I woke up groggy this morning, but I've been to a school fete today, then met rest of my family at the park, drove over to Mum's had a lovely dinner... came home purposefully bought 2 bottles of red (Whilst thinking will that be enough?)
I've missed you all so much but was too proud to admit defeat. I'm going to bed now, so will not reply to any posts tonight, but I NEED to be here, I understand now that recovery takes WORK. I gave up.
I really want this. I will be back in the morning. All my love to you all Max xx
I need you guys. I've felt so ashamed of myself and did not want to come back and admit (admit to myself?) Nothing has happened (thankfully) I'm still functioning, but tired, grumpy, want to sleep forever, hate waking up...
I've chosen to go out and buy wine. I've chosen. For the last 6 days... 2 bottles a night.
I gave up on recovery, I gave up on it because it was hard work. I've convinced myself I was ok - I woke up groggy this morning, but I've been to a school fete today, then met rest of my family at the park, drove over to Mum's had a lovely dinner... came home purposefully bought 2 bottles of red (Whilst thinking will that be enough?)
I've missed you all so much but was too proud to admit defeat. I'm going to bed now, so will not reply to any posts tonight, but I NEED to be here, I understand now that recovery takes WORK. I gave up.
I really want this. I will be back in the morning. All my love to you all Max xx
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Well we're glad to have you back, Max. It's good you reached out and wanted to start again. No reason to feel ashamed - we've all been there. Drinking is making you miserable - there's nothing in it for you anymore. Time to let it go - it sounds like you're ready. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Max - welcome back!! There is nothing to be ashamed of. Just learn from your mistake and carry on with the business of getting and being sober.
Many of us have been where you are right now and found our way out from the hole - you can too! Come and see us tomorrow with new resolve and renewed hope
Many of us have been where you are right now and found our way out from the hole - you can too! Come and see us tomorrow with new resolve and renewed hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Well we're glad to have you back, Max. It's good you reached out and wanted to start again. No reason to feel ashamed - we've all been there. Drinking is making you miserable - there's nothing in it for you anymore. Time to let it go - it sounds like you're ready.
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back Max
Recovery is hard work - but so is drinking and trying to stay 'functional'.
You've made a great choice
D
Recovery is hard work - but so is drinking and trying to stay 'functional'.
You've made a great choice
D
Class of June for me in the morning, I didn't know how much hard work it would take. Ready now.
Bed. Night all xx
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I think we've all been there so we know what you are going through.
What I've found is that wishing and hoping is not going to make the alcohol problem go away. I had to make changes in me to be successful and that required a plan of action. I finally gave up and admitted I couldn't handle this by myself. The program of AA has helped me.
What I've found is that wishing and hoping is not going to make the alcohol problem go away. I had to make changes in me to be successful and that required a plan of action. I finally gave up and admitted I couldn't handle this by myself. The program of AA has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Hey, we all gotta learn this sobriety stuff on a personal level. Heck ya its hard work. I threw in the towel on multiple occasions. Time after time I was convinced that I could drink like a normal person. That is never ever ever ever going to happen for me. Here are a few of the things that I went through before really understanding my situation Rehab, a wonderful all expenses paid trip to the Psych ward, A psychotic melt down in a bathroom on a plane.. oh, and losing my job!.. This is just the BIGGER stuff. I have had many many other occasions. My bouts with sobriety have been on and off. I managed a year, 8 months, 4 months and then some other months... I keep trying. Im not a quitter. Neither are you. Welcome back, and keep coming back. You can do this. One day at a time.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I've been lurking for weeks - months... I lost it again!
I need you guys. I've felt so ashamed of myself and did not want to come back and admit (admit to myself?) Nothing has happened (thankfully) I'm still functioning, but tired, grumpy, want to sleep forever, hate waking up...
I've chosen to go out and buy wine. I've chosen. For the last 6 days... 2 bottles a night.
I gave up on recovery, I gave up on it because it was hard work. I've convinced myself I was ok - I woke up groggy this morning, but I've been to a school fete today, then met rest of my family at the park, drove over to Mum's had a lovely dinner... came home purposefully bought 2 bottles of red (Whilst thinking will that be enough?)
I've missed you all so much but was too proud to admit defeat. I'm going to bed now, so will not reply to any posts tonight, but I NEED to be here, I understand now that recovery takes WORK. I gave up.
I really want this. I will be back in the morning. All my love to you all Max xx
I need you guys. I've felt so ashamed of myself and did not want to come back and admit (admit to myself?) Nothing has happened (thankfully) I'm still functioning, but tired, grumpy, want to sleep forever, hate waking up...
I've chosen to go out and buy wine. I've chosen. For the last 6 days... 2 bottles a night.
I gave up on recovery, I gave up on it because it was hard work. I've convinced myself I was ok - I woke up groggy this morning, but I've been to a school fete today, then met rest of my family at the park, drove over to Mum's had a lovely dinner... came home purposefully bought 2 bottles of red (Whilst thinking will that be enough?)
I've missed you all so much but was too proud to admit defeat. I'm going to bed now, so will not reply to any posts tonight, but I NEED to be here, I understand now that recovery takes WORK. I gave up.
I really want this. I will be back in the morning. All my love to you all Max xx
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Welcome back! I did the same thing and went silent but lurking here when I started drinking again. A few times. I know it is not a fun place to be. I also know you can do this recovery deal Max! I missed your posts around here...
I did the same thing and went silent but lurking here when I started drinking again. A few times. I know it is not a fun place to be. I also know you can do this recovery deal Max! I missed your posts around here...
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Nice to meet you Max! Staying sober is hard work, but IMO drinking is hard work too. The reward from your hard work when drinking wears off with the booze. The reward from your hard work staying sober lasts 24/7.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
hey, my Pommie mate - I was literally thinking about you (and GForce too) these past few days / weeks. I've been mostly lurking too, because drinking - on again, off again. On again, right now, but one can't give up on oneself, can one!
I'm so pleased to 'hear your voice' again, luvvie. And, yes, I know - as do many others - what you mean about choosing / deciding to just Drink. It's not an excuse, nor a reason, nor a 'oh, I don't know what came over me' thing. It's a choice. It may indeed be a choice driven by powerful forces - i.e. that part of our brains which is wired a certain way. But, I applaud that you can see and say that you made that choice / decision.
Seeing that, and saying it, is what will help us to keep on trying - to make another choice, minute by minute, day by day, etc. [Oh gawd, that isn't me, saying that last bit. Too much like a motivational seminar :-)]
No, what I'm keen to hear is:
How are you? You, in yourself? Your son? What's been happening, in your world in England? It's probably kind of / semi-Summer there :-)....we often like to imagine we'll feel better when the weather's better. Yeh, right! It's dead of winter over here in southern Aus, and frankly, grey, grey, grey, drizzly, cold, rainy, drizzly, kind of English, really :-) So what's your excuse? only joking love [Aus meets UK humour, historically linked, as it were :-)]
Anyway, I know already that by the time you wake up and get online, I'll be dead to the world, and you'll find heaps of SR friends have replied. Gagging to hear how you've been, pet.
xx Vic
I'm so pleased to 'hear your voice' again, luvvie. And, yes, I know - as do many others - what you mean about choosing / deciding to just Drink. It's not an excuse, nor a reason, nor a 'oh, I don't know what came over me' thing. It's a choice. It may indeed be a choice driven by powerful forces - i.e. that part of our brains which is wired a certain way. But, I applaud that you can see and say that you made that choice / decision.
Seeing that, and saying it, is what will help us to keep on trying - to make another choice, minute by minute, day by day, etc. [Oh gawd, that isn't me, saying that last bit. Too much like a motivational seminar :-)]
No, what I'm keen to hear is:
How are you? You, in yourself? Your son? What's been happening, in your world in England? It's probably kind of / semi-Summer there :-)....we often like to imagine we'll feel better when the weather's better. Yeh, right! It's dead of winter over here in southern Aus, and frankly, grey, grey, grey, drizzly, cold, rainy, drizzly, kind of English, really :-) So what's your excuse? only joking love [Aus meets UK humour, historically linked, as it were :-)]
Anyway, I know already that by the time you wake up and get online, I'll be dead to the world, and you'll find heaps of SR friends have replied. Gagging to hear how you've been, pet.
xx Vic
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
great to see you back Max
you have nothing to feel ashamed about,let the past go,move forward. Negative feelings will just eat you up and won't be productive for your recovery. As you know,I lapsed several times,even after a few weeks stints of sobriety. You CAN do this. Hope you got some sleep and wake up today-day 1.xx
you have nothing to feel ashamed about,let the past go,move forward. Negative feelings will just eat you up and won't be productive for your recovery. As you know,I lapsed several times,even after a few weeks stints of sobriety. You CAN do this. Hope you got some sleep and wake up today-day 1.xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Pleased you're back with us.
Yes, early recovery isn't easy, but a sober life is worth fighting for. Forget the shame, that is a waste of your time.
Today can be your last day 1 ever, you can do this x
Yes, early recovery isn't easy, but a sober life is worth fighting for. Forget the shame, that is a waste of your time.
Today can be your last day 1 ever, you can do this x
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
