Checking in on day zero
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Hi guys 
Thank you so much for all the lovely messages of support, I really have missed you all. Sorry for the delay in replying, bit of a busy weekend here with family up from London - needless to say I haven't felt my best today!!
The way the last week has gone, by now I would already be on or opening my first bottle. I'm home now and you know what? I kind of feel excited that it's done with. I'm not going to get ahead of myself I KNOW it isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination.
There are SO many positives that I've seen before even with my few short spells of sobriety, I want all that back and to me the main thing I miss is the freedom, making plans doesn't have to revolve around likely having a hangover that day, or just waking up feeling good and knowing that you're not going to feel rough, tired and grumpy, knowing you can drive the car without thinking nah I better bus it as it was quite a session last night...
Anyway, I don't have much time at the moment either just thought I better check in and say I haven't forgotten I posted! I'll come back later and reply more and join class of June (you too Vic!)
Thank you again, it really means a lot and you guys are so great. Much love xx
Thank you so much for all the lovely messages of support, I really have missed you all. Sorry for the delay in replying, bit of a busy weekend here with family up from London - needless to say I haven't felt my best today!!
The way the last week has gone, by now I would already be on or opening my first bottle. I'm home now and you know what? I kind of feel excited that it's done with. I'm not going to get ahead of myself I KNOW it isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination.
There are SO many positives that I've seen before even with my few short spells of sobriety, I want all that back and to me the main thing I miss is the freedom, making plans doesn't have to revolve around likely having a hangover that day, or just waking up feeling good and knowing that you're not going to feel rough, tired and grumpy, knowing you can drive the car without thinking nah I better bus it as it was quite a session last night...
Anyway, I don't have much time at the moment either just thought I better check in and say I haven't forgotten I posted! I'll come back later and reply more and join class of June (you too Vic!)
Thank you again, it really means a lot and you guys are so great. Much love xx
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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knowing you can drive the car without thinking nah
Congrats on day 1
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Day 1
Well technically Day 2, but since it was still in my system I am counting today as Day 1. I don't even know what drove me to drink. We were having a moving sale and my husband left me alone with my father in law and I was so anxious that I just left. I walked to the store, grabbed a bottle and began to drink it as soon as I walked out. And then the rest of the night was filled with pills, hidden vodka....and nitrous. I know, I am not 15.
I still feel like **** physically, mentally I am really fragile and I have that 'I have completely destroyed my life' anxiety today.
Just thought I would share.
I still feel like **** physically, mentally I am really fragile and I have that 'I have completely destroyed my life' anxiety today.
Just thought I would share.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Originally Posted by bsmac02 
This is my first day here, Max. Lets do this man!
How are you getting on today? Good I hope!
Originally Posted by bemyself
hey, my Pommie mate - I was literally thinking about you (and GForce too) these past few days / weeks. I've been mostly lurking too, because drinking - on again, off again. On again, right now, but one can't give up on oneself, can one!
I'm so pleased to 'hear your voice' again, luvvie. And, yes, I know - as do many others - what you mean about choosing / deciding to just Drink. It's not an excuse, nor a reason, nor a 'oh, I don't know what came over me' thing. It's a choice. It may indeed be a choice driven by powerful forces - i.e. that part of our brains which is wired a certain way. But, I applaud that you can see and say that you made that choice / decision.
Seeing that, and saying it, is what will help us to keep on trying - to make another choice, minute by minute, day by day, etc. [Oh gawd, that isn't me, saying that last bit. Too much like a motivational seminar :-)]
No, what I'm keen to hear is:
How are you? You, in yourself? Your son? What's been happening, in your world in England? It's probably kind of / semi-Summer there :-)....we often like to imagine we'll feel better when the weather's better. Yeh, right! It's dead of winter over here in southern Aus, and frankly, grey, grey, grey, drizzly, cold, rainy, drizzly, kind of English, really :-) So what's your excuse? only joking love [Aus meets UK humour, historically linked, as it were :-)]
Anyway, I know already that by the time you wake up and get online, I'll be dead to the world, and you'll find heaps of SR friends have replied. Gagging to hear how you've been, pet.
xx Vic
I'm so pleased to 'hear your voice' again, luvvie. And, yes, I know - as do many others - what you mean about choosing / deciding to just Drink. It's not an excuse, nor a reason, nor a 'oh, I don't know what came over me' thing. It's a choice. It may indeed be a choice driven by powerful forces - i.e. that part of our brains which is wired a certain way. But, I applaud that you can see and say that you made that choice / decision.
Seeing that, and saying it, is what will help us to keep on trying - to make another choice, minute by minute, day by day, etc. [Oh gawd, that isn't me, saying that last bit. Too much like a motivational seminar :-)]
No, what I'm keen to hear is:
How are you? You, in yourself? Your son? What's been happening, in your world in England? It's probably kind of / semi-Summer there :-)....we often like to imagine we'll feel better when the weather's better. Yeh, right! It's dead of winter over here in southern Aus, and frankly, grey, grey, grey, drizzly, cold, rainy, drizzly, kind of English, really :-) So what's your excuse? only joking love [Aus meets UK humour, historically linked, as it were :-)]
Anyway, I know already that by the time you wake up and get online, I'll be dead to the world, and you'll find heaps of SR friends have replied. Gagging to hear how you've been, pet.
xx Vic
Well, what's been going on eh? Hmmm not a lot in my exciting little life. We had 2 days of summer, that's that then! Haha hopefully we'll get a little more.
Took the kids away for a short break early May, got there, hit the beach - you know, gale force winds absolutely freezing... right you've seen the sea let's head back then.... hair blowing all over my face, couldn't see where was going - fell over and broke my wrist!! And NO I hadn't had a drink! It was nice to check out the local scenery and the local A&E *sigh*
Thinking about it though, because I couldn't drive and was very limited in what I could do I reckon that's when I started picking up more and it spiralled from there. Just another excuse really!
We're all good though in general thanks. Hows things with you? Still up and down? Are you going to come and kick some booze butt in the June class?
I'm really craving hot chocolate tonight - don't have any though, it'll be going on my must get tomorrow list. That and vitamins, my skin and everything is looking so crap.
Waffle waffle - didn't take long to get back into it!!
8pm here, so good morning to you! Hope you are feeling ok and have a super day. I'll be saying goodnight then! xx
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
for me,this is still a strange thing. I can just jump into the car in the evening,something I'd not done in years as usually drinking. also, in the morning I still sometimes think oh am I ok to drive then remember I've not had a drink. It's the little freedoms that make it so worthwhile
Congrats on day 1
Congrats on day 1
I'm quite looking forward to getting a hold on this. Car wise I joined the gym back in... what? March? Feb?! It's less than 5 minutes away. Have been 4 times!!! DS is old enough to sit with DD now once she is in bed and I have been promising myself I'll go for an hour in the evening for weeks (months) hop in my car and head out for a nice relaxing swim sounds like a better deal than drink wine and sit staring vacantly at anything on the laptop whilst eating junk... Shattered now so off to bed but will catch up tomorrow. I need to hear ALL about your new life! xx
Originally Posted by MellyFishButt
Well technically Day 2, but since it was still in my system I am counting today as Day 1. I don't even know what drove me to drink. We were having a moving sale and my husband left me alone with my father in law and I was so anxious that I just left. I walked to the store, grabbed a bottle and began to drink it as soon as I walked out. And then the rest of the night was filled with pills, hidden vodka....and nitrous. I know, I am not 15.
I still feel like **** physically, mentally I am really fragile and I have that 'I have completely destroyed my life' anxiety today.
Just thought I would share.
I still feel like **** physically, mentally I am really fragile and I have that 'I have completely destroyed my life' anxiety today.
Just thought I would share.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
[QUOTE] Hello!
It can be hard to motivate yourself to keep going to the gym/swim but once you get into the habit you'll miss it when you don't go.When I quit initially the gym was a lifesaver for me,though I hardly go since I've moved
junior RAL is at pre school every morning now so I'll be around SR most mornings pm me when you're free,much to catch up on
Sleep well,xx
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
Haha cheers hunny I'm quite looking forward to getting a hold on this. Car wise I joined the gym back in... what? March? Feb?! It's less than 5 minutes away. Have been 4 times!!! DS is old enough to sit with DD now once she is in bed and I have been promising myself I'll go for an hour in the evening for weeks (months) hop in my car and head out for a nice relaxing swim sounds like a better deal than drink wine and sit staring vacantly at anything on the laptop whilst eating junk...
Shattered now so off to bed but will catch up tomorrow. I need to hear ALL about your new life! xx
I'm quite looking forward to getting a hold on this. Car wise I joined the gym back in... what? March? Feb?! It's less than 5 minutes away. Have been 4 times!!! DS is old enough to sit with DD now once she is in bed and I have been promising myself I'll go for an hour in the evening for weeks (months) hop in my car and head out for a nice relaxing swim sounds like a better deal than drink wine and sit staring vacantly at anything on the laptop whilst eating junk... Shattered now so off to bed but will catch up tomorrow. I need to hear ALL about your new life! xx
It can be hard to motivate yourself to keep going to the gym/swim but once you get into the habit you'll miss it when you don't go.When I quit initially the gym was a lifesaver for me,though I hardly go since I've moved
junior RAL is at pre school every morning now so I'll be around SR most mornings pm me when you're free,much to catch up on
Sleep well,xx
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome back MTN-nice to hear from you again. A lot of people seem to be coming back which is great! It is such hard work-more than I think we ever realized it would be. It takes a concentrated effort to make the right choices over and over again and to believe you can do it. Have faith in yourself and keep at it!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Hi blossom,
I figure you're in sleepytime land as I write - indeed, hope you are. So many of us talk about the sheer bloo-oody loo-x-shury [Monty Python accent here] of blessed Sleep. You deserve it!
What a bummer to hear about breaking yer wrist - and on the beach for a nice bracing outing too. I have beaches near me too, here in Melbourne, but they're very like English beaches. Prone to mad winds, as you describe. Loved your as-usual droll point about 'yes, we've seen the beach now.....' :-)
But seriously though, being cooped up unable to get about or do much with an injury or suchlike is, no, not an 'excuse'...but it can and does lay us open to killing boredom, frustration, a feeling of being useless (however temporary or passing it might be). Story of my recent life, to be honest.
I'll try to stiffen the sinews and summon up the blood (from the original English 'House of Cards' series) and join in on the June class. I'm still drinking, again, on the seemingly hundredth relapse. So far 'only' just over a week. Though it's creepy how even a simple week, in time, seems much longer. People talk about the sheer agonies - and I've known them too - of even an hour, or a day, of beginning-again.
Yet, somehow, we each do it - begin again. You're doing it, blossom. Life continues, as does the English summer: the days when it really feels like summer, and the days when it just doesn't. As the French infuriatingly say: 'c'est la vie' :-)
On we hop! I'm not a gym person (slothful bookworm, me) but yeh, I reckon you'll get great encouragement from others who are, as getting out and about and exercising really floats your boat. Are you able to do any light exercise now, after the injury? or are you still healing from it? Anyway, the more physically-clever peeps will encourage you at whatever stage that's at.
xx Vix
I figure you're in sleepytime land as I write - indeed, hope you are. So many of us talk about the sheer bloo-oody loo-x-shury [Monty Python accent here] of blessed Sleep. You deserve it!
What a bummer to hear about breaking yer wrist - and on the beach for a nice bracing outing too. I have beaches near me too, here in Melbourne, but they're very like English beaches. Prone to mad winds, as you describe. Loved your as-usual droll point about 'yes, we've seen the beach now.....' :-)
But seriously though, being cooped up unable to get about or do much with an injury or suchlike is, no, not an 'excuse'...but it can and does lay us open to killing boredom, frustration, a feeling of being useless (however temporary or passing it might be). Story of my recent life, to be honest.
I'll try to stiffen the sinews and summon up the blood (from the original English 'House of Cards' series) and join in on the June class. I'm still drinking, again, on the seemingly hundredth relapse. So far 'only' just over a week. Though it's creepy how even a simple week, in time, seems much longer. People talk about the sheer agonies - and I've known them too - of even an hour, or a day, of beginning-again.
Yet, somehow, we each do it - begin again. You're doing it, blossom. Life continues, as does the English summer: the days when it really feels like summer, and the days when it just doesn't. As the French infuriatingly say: 'c'est la vie' :-)
On we hop! I'm not a gym person (slothful bookworm, me) but yeh, I reckon you'll get great encouragement from others who are, as getting out and about and exercising really floats your boat. Are you able to do any light exercise now, after the injury? or are you still healing from it? Anyway, the more physically-clever peeps will encourage you at whatever stage that's at.
xx Vix
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Thanks again all for the welcome backs. Sleep wasn't too great RAL - I slept, but my word was it hard work with the nightmares and the sweats I gave up about 5.30 and thought just get up. Not bad really seeing as I was out like a light by 9 so I've had plenty really!
Thanks Freefall, it was the lurking and seeing other familiar names coming back, or seeing how well my old buddies (including you Fallow, sorry meant to give you a wave earlier!) were doing that really helped me reconnect. At least they're trying I thought, I recognised that I completely wasn't. I was thinking you have tools, you have support why not use them. I gave up completely on recovery thinking - well this is what I do - drink in the evenings, so I'll go to the shops... towards the end of last week there wasn't even any particular cravings, no desperation to drink, just pure habit of wanting to repeat the previous night of immersing myself into TV shows online and getting wasted. The stupid part too (the other stupid part) was that I was recognising I was heading out for drink to make myself feel semi-normal rather than just heading to bed and riding it out. So many moments of clarity regarding it, yet doing zero about it. Pfft fool!
Vic no pressure on joining the June class, it's not going to work if it's not right for you, speaking from experience - joined and just dropped out of so many then got myself disheartened and gave up completely.
Haha that day at the beach was SO cold, even the kids were relieved when it was right, that's that then! Glorious the next day though, whilst all plastered up! The wrist is fine now thanks, had 3 weeks in a cast then 2 in a splint. I'm to avoid any physical sport like rugby and football... can't really see that being a problem
Although I have been known to fall off a treadmill before
It is so hard to begin again, you're right. It took me so long to post here, even when I was drinking I was lurking thinking what am I doing just post! Then thought nah I'm not going to while I have a drink, bit pointless post in the morning sober. Of course I never did. So I'm relieved that I did Saturday night and it was there for me to come back to on Sunday. I felt kind of excited yesterday, and now I'm back to worry as I KNOW the Beast is going to come a knocking later on this afternoon or tonight... Grrrr!
How are you in general? Do you think you'll be ok to detox on your own?
Crikey just seen the time, better get cracking ready for school and nursery. Have some school trousers to sew up... have had all weekend, yeah leave it til Monday morning why not?!!
RAL I'm out this morning, but I'll be about later on or tomorrow morning. Enjoy your peace
Thanks Freefall, it was the lurking and seeing other familiar names coming back, or seeing how well my old buddies (including you Fallow, sorry meant to give you a wave earlier!) were doing that really helped me reconnect. At least they're trying I thought, I recognised that I completely wasn't. I was thinking you have tools, you have support why not use them. I gave up completely on recovery thinking - well this is what I do - drink in the evenings, so I'll go to the shops... towards the end of last week there wasn't even any particular cravings, no desperation to drink, just pure habit of wanting to repeat the previous night of immersing myself into TV shows online and getting wasted. The stupid part too (the other stupid part) was that I was recognising I was heading out for drink to make myself feel semi-normal rather than just heading to bed and riding it out. So many moments of clarity regarding it, yet doing zero about it. Pfft fool!
Vic no pressure on joining the June class, it's not going to work if it's not right for you, speaking from experience - joined and just dropped out of so many then got myself disheartened and gave up completely.
Haha that day at the beach was SO cold, even the kids were relieved when it was right, that's that then! Glorious the next day though, whilst all plastered up! The wrist is fine now thanks, had 3 weeks in a cast then 2 in a splint. I'm to avoid any physical sport like rugby and football... can't really see that being a problem
Although I have been known to fall off a treadmill before It is so hard to begin again, you're right. It took me so long to post here, even when I was drinking I was lurking thinking what am I doing just post! Then thought nah I'm not going to while I have a drink, bit pointless post in the morning sober. Of course I never did. So I'm relieved that I did Saturday night and it was there for me to come back to on Sunday. I felt kind of excited yesterday, and now I'm back to worry as I KNOW the Beast is going to come a knocking later on this afternoon or tonight... Grrrr!
How are you in general? Do you think you'll be ok to detox on your own?
Crikey just seen the time, better get cracking ready for school and nursery. Have some school trousers to sew up... have had all weekend, yeah leave it til Monday morning why not?!!
RAL I'm out this morning, but I'll be about later on or tomorrow morning. Enjoy your peace
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Vic I just suggested it because I thought it might be good for you to have regular contacts here, and a regular 'home'...isolation is not always great for thinkers, IMO.
totally your call tho - now, maybe someday, never - whatever you decide
D
totally your call tho - now, maybe someday, never - whatever you decide
D
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Hey M thanks you too How is life treating you? How's the healthy eating going? I must get back to that too... just at my little cleaning job, domestic , nothing heavy... what a red faced, fat bloated, sweaty minger I am! No more of this!
How is life treating you? How's the healthy eating going? I must get back to that too... just at my little cleaning job, domestic , nothing heavy... what a red faced, fat bloated, sweaty minger I am! No more of this!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
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LoL ,
Fell off the healthy eating waggon for a bit, am starting again today, lost 2 st then put 1 back on . Felt better with less weight and slept better , so i know what the "right" thing to do is .
Had someone who likes the larger guys influencing me , in the end i've got to do whats right for me and my health though , if someone is fickle enough to go off me , well i think that's their problem , not mine .
Glad to hear you're getting back to it , M
Fell off the healthy eating waggon for a bit, am starting again today, lost 2 st then put 1 back on . Felt better with less weight and slept better , so i know what the "right" thing to do is .
Had someone who likes the larger guys influencing me , in the end i've got to do whats right for me and my health though , if someone is fickle enough to go off me , well i think that's their problem , not mine .
Glad to hear you're getting back to it , M
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Crikey definitely not your problem, you've got to do what's right for you and what makes you feel better. Nobody can base a relationship purely on how somebody looks. Somebody will come along who likes you for you!
Yes back at it (again!) Feeling positive. Had a lull this afternoon my AV was straight in there with a vodka and full sugar coke will perk you up. Go away! I took DD to bed with me for an hour instead. Smartphones are great things, you play with that whilst I erm.... shut my eyes and listen
Yes back at it (again!) Feeling positive. Had a lull this afternoon my AV was straight in there with a vodka and full sugar coke will perk you up. Go away! I took DD to bed with me for an hour instead. Smartphones are great things, you play with that whilst I erm.... shut my eyes and listen
jess
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