iwanthealth

there is a meeting in 4 hours from now, i will try to go, but that is soonest i can find right now.

i now the signs for myself.

i need to talk to someone or just tell me that i don't need to talk to someone or something.

in the past, i've tried to keep my mouth shut when i saw these signs arise.

i need to say something to people that understand right now.

TempeBrenn

What do you need to say ?

ersatzmatriarch

hey health...

i'm here. what's going on? feel free to shoot me a PM if you want. (caveat: i'm only 20 days sober, so i can't offer a lot of experience, but i'm happy to listen and offer hope...)

Louise82

Yeah, talk to us IWH. We're here for you and listening. You did the right thing by coming here and posting when you recognised the signs.

GracieLou

Bring it on and dump what is on your mind. A problem shared is a problem split in half.

iwanthealth

wow. it's such a mess to explain everything, but you people did the right thing by saying hi. thank you.

maybe i will say more, but i will do somethings here to help too.

thank you.

GracieLou

Anytime, we are always here. You don't have to dump it all at once. Sometime are problems seem so much bigger when we look at the whole picture and to far into the future.

Share one at time, just like one day at a time.

Lenina

Great folks here on SR, IWH. What's cooking? Can you write out ten things you have to be grateful over? That helps me.

Love from Lenina

yukonm

We are reaching out to you. You are not alone.

Marcher13

Checking in from Australia Iwanthealth. Are you feeling triggered?

juststopit

or feel free to dump! sometimes the big picture overwhelms me and I have to look at problems one by one. But sometimes it helps to just get it all out, maybe not hoping to solve it all at once, but to at least get it out of my brain.

Louise82

Just know we're here for you IWH. I find just saying whatever is on my mind helps, even if it is just one big stream of consciousness.

iwanthealth

that's very helpful. i really do need one minute, one day, one breath at a time right now.

look, i am without a doubt an alcoholic.

this is no joke.

i was recovering & then my family starting putting all of this, ok your better now, pressure on me after just shy of 2 months.

then they worry and freak out and now they are coming to see me and if i say no i am bad, but i need to say no right now and they've been planning to come see me and it's just dragging this out. i need it off my mind right now.

i'm dealing with personal issues right now and they don't understand and putting me in a position of having to explain is like creating a black hole on top of everything else i am dealing with.

sigh...

i'm going under here. just hearing from other alcoholics is helpful right now. thank you. i really do want health.

Louise82

Yeah, it's tough when family and friends don't understand that we just can't drink. As people say here on SR, "no" is a complete sentence. Say "no" and know that they can't make you drink.

When they arrive, say that you're happy to spend quality time with them or whatever but you will not drink because you're an alcoholic.

How are you feeling about them coming to visit you, apart from explaining about the drinking?

Marcher13

iwanthealth is there any reason you can't just say to them "I appreciate you but right now I need some space to put time into my recovery." If you phone or text them they will know you are OK.

iwanthealth

marcher, you bring up good point. i need to tell them that. i also need you people to tell me it is ok to tell them that because it turns it to such a mess that they try to not allow me to tell them that.

can anyone relate to this?

sorry, i don't mean to trouble anyone, but i'm here to get better.

Louise82

It's definitely ok to tell them that. Yes, I can relate. I also find it hard to say no to people and to put my recovery first. I also hate the thought of my family worrying about me.

But it is ok for you to text or call them and tell them that they don't need to worry about you and that the best way they can help you right now is to allow you to focus on your recovery.

TempeBrenn

IWH
Can't offer any experience as I am not even one day sober. But I can say that the people in this forum are supportive and caring. Reading these posts helped me make it thru last night.

Received

Hi IWH.

It sounds like your family is worried about you. You say you are dealing with personal issues right now and "are bad" and don't want them to come. Did you relapse and are there other things you don't want them to see?

I think it's fine to tell your family you don't want them to come see you right now as long as it is in your best interest and not to hide what's going on with you.

I do not attend AA but as they say "you're only as sick as your secrets".

iwanthealth

ok everyone. i just called them. they are not far and i asked can we do this today or some other time because i am working on my recovery. dragging this out is too much for me right now. i also mentioned that i am reading and seeking support and then i get questions like, did someone tell you to call us? my mom is not well, i am not well.
i really need the space to myself right now.
please recovery people. i need to work on my issues right now and know this.
for whatever reason, i know we have to just go on with our separate lives right now, but they are not getting the message and it's killing me.