iwanthealth

thanks. i need to look into what you said nuudawn, some of that is new language for me.

also, shorelady, i just called them and said some things i think were helpful.

also, nuudawn, that's a whole new thread, i'm interested.

great, place SR is.

wpainterw

This notion that a person drinks or drugs because he or she has been "bad" has been prevalent in our society and in others for hundreds, possibly thousands of years. It's not going to change overnight. And it's an obstacle to all of us who are trying to recover. It's a hill that has to be climbed. A hill that shouldn't be there but is nonetheless part of the real world. I think that for me the question became how hard I wanted to get well and stay well. If you want that hard enough you won't let anything anyone else says stand in your way. Because being addicted is like being in jail, being a slave and you just want to get free of that. So don't let your family or anyone else stand in your way. Don't drink or drug- one day at a time and, if need be, seek the help of counselors, doctors and particularly other recovering alcoholics or addicts. I know it can be done. Go to any AA or NA meeting and listen. You'll find many have long periods of sobriety and they aren't lying about it. That doesn't mean that it always works. It just means that many have been able to work it. And it doesn't mean that AA is the only way. There are others and they work too. It's up to each person to figure which works best for them.

W.

iwanthealth

brillant painterw. i am a painter too. thank you for you help. i need to post some of these responses for me to look at everyday.

it's amazing the work being done here to help me.

of course it still hard for me to accept that i deserve any help, but i can recognize the brilliance of these responses from people who are working very hard & doing very well.

thank you,

catgonewild1

IWanthealth -- I've been through this although I'm lucky that my immediate family saw that I was such a falling down drunk years ago that they would never pressure me to drink. My inlaws don't understand because MIL is an alcoholic. But I have explained to all of them that even if they don't get the disease concept, it is simple: for me, one drink leads to a drunk. It just does. Not cuz of lack of willpower but because of my brain being addicted.

Many times family members act like this because they themselves like to drink too much and feel conflicted that you have stopped. thats their problem. Also, it's always good to give one of them a copy of a good informative book like Betty Ford's book on alcoholism, or the Courage to Change. Not the big book, they can't handle that. Many prominent people have written books about their own alcoholism and reading one would help your family see that if even "important" people have alcoholism, anyone can.

My own uncle, a very educated man, for years has said to my mom "CG can't be an alcoholic. She's too educated. It's impossible." Meanwhile he himself if very educated and at times is falling down drunk.

wpainterw

Hey Catgonewild!
That's really a hoot! The one about the person who couldn't be an alcoholic because she was "really educated". Boy was I educated! And in my college years I was "educated" by my fellow students to fill a large washtub full of ice, soda pop and gin or vodka, get lots of paper cups, invite lots of beautiful girls and pack the room so close with bodies that one could hardly move, let alone understand what anyone said. Then we'd all go out and eat spaghetti. The "beast" within that thrives on alcohol feels completely at home in a university, particularly on fall weekends. That's party time for the beast. It's been that way for over a thousand years. And it's given many an alcoholic career a fine start. One university I know is proud of its "tradition" of a "Fifth in the Fourth", requiring every senior fourth year student to drink an entire "Fifth" of whiskey before the close of the fourth quarter in a football game. This has sent many a student to the college infirmary with life threatening alcoholic toxicity. These days the price tag has gone way up. What isn't revealed is that the price is paid not only with dollars, but with broken careers, broken marriages, with tears, regrets, shame and despair. Hope and happiness are lost but, even worse, is the loss of one's soul. "Gaudeamus igitur! Juvenes dum summus!" ("Let us rejoice therefore! For we are young!" "Juvenes", later Anglicized, became "juvenile". Most appropriate!)

W.

wpainterw

Another thought comes to me. Being an alcoholic and living with a family may have a tendency to settle down into role playing. Your "role" has been to be the family alcoholic. Their perceived role was to act as "helpers", "advisers", "rescuers". As soon as you start to recover, it may appear that the various roles are about to change. You may no longer be playing the role of "family alcoholic", the person who needs to be "helped", "advised", "rescued". Even though they don't realize it this subconsciously is a threat to them. Their future roles may be diminished, even dispensed with. Their "help" may no longer be necessary! They would vociferously deny that they want you to continue your role as "alcoholic". But deep down in their brains, and perhaps in yours, where the "beast" lurks, something may be muttering that "the show must go on".
It has been said that "alcoholism is a family illness". This may illustrate that. You may have to recover in spite of your "helpers", that is if you've really set your mind to it. Eventually they may have to be content with your new independence, that you can take care of yourself. This will take some adapting and acceptance on their part.

W.

iwanthealth

thanks W. that is also VERY helpful. it's a lot to respond to, but something i will need to remember & consider often.