New here and said the A word first time yesterday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 5
New here and said the A word first time yesterday
My story isn't anything glamorous...never used to drink. Slowly started drinking beer while dating my now second husband. Fast forward 7 years...and Im now drinking every day. Always in the evening after work, which for a ling time I used as an excuse... "Hey...at least I don't wake up wanting to drink..." But the scary thing now is that if there is beer in the house, its in my hand.
So the other night, a girlfriend of mine and I met for dinner and I had three huge margaritas. Got home and for no reason I picked a fight with my husband. I said things I don't remember saying and I hurt him and made him feel very uncertain, which is NOT what I wanted.
So yesterday, we had a long talk. I cried...a lot. I realized I had to say it out loud. My heart started beating very fast, I got very anxious. Finally I said it out loud "Honey, I think Im an alcoholic". I told him I am "done" with drinking. I feel like its slowly killing me...physically and emotionally.
He was so supportive and said all the right things. I felt like a huge weight was lifted. I slept better than I have in months. All day long I have been very optimistic about my future, having finally got this out in the open. I get home from work...and Im greeted by my husband, who is drinking a beer.
I may be crazy, but I get the feeling he may just be in denial about my alcoholism? Im not angry with him, but I want now so much to go to the fridge and get a beer. Im just confused. Any advice? Im new to this.
So the other night, a girlfriend of mine and I met for dinner and I had three huge margaritas. Got home and for no reason I picked a fight with my husband. I said things I don't remember saying and I hurt him and made him feel very uncertain, which is NOT what I wanted.
So yesterday, we had a long talk. I cried...a lot. I realized I had to say it out loud. My heart started beating very fast, I got very anxious. Finally I said it out loud "Honey, I think Im an alcoholic". I told him I am "done" with drinking. I feel like its slowly killing me...physically and emotionally.
He was so supportive and said all the right things. I felt like a huge weight was lifted. I slept better than I have in months. All day long I have been very optimistic about my future, having finally got this out in the open. I get home from work...and Im greeted by my husband, who is drinking a beer.
I may be crazy, but I get the feeling he may just be in denial about my alcoholism? Im not angry with him, but I want now so much to go to the fridge and get a beer. Im just confused. Any advice? Im new to this.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome CJ! You found a great place for support and caring. We all understand. It is hard to break the old habits - especially when someone else is drinking right under your nose.
Be proud of yourself for owning up to this and facing it. I spent so many years trying to control what I drank - as a result I ended up completely dependent on it & drank all day in the end. This won't happen to you. I hope you'll find the advice & encouragement you're looking for here.
Be proud of yourself for owning up to this and facing it. I spent so many years trying to control what I drank - as a result I ended up completely dependent on it & drank all day in the end. This won't happen to you. I hope you'll find the advice & encouragement you're looking for here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Congraduations on too HUGE accomplishments--admitting you're an alcohol AND reaching out to your husband and this forums, that's a fantastic first step
I feel that way too sometimes and I am 24 and got out of rehab 2 months ago and moved back in with my parents they were they ones who sent me to rehab and they've seen first hand what drinking has done but sometimes I wonder if they take it "seriously"
They probably do...and your husband probably does as well...but at the same time we hid it well, and on the other hand it can be hard for non-alcoholics to understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. Sometimes people don't understand why it's not as simple as just saying no, or just cutting back...your husband could be like that or maybe he just doesn't realize the true hell this can bring...although if you continued drinking you would probably both find out.
Now...the thing is tho...it doesn't REALLY matter what your husband or my parents or our friends or anyone else thinks. It matters what WE think. And that part of you that's wondering if he's taking it seriously, or if anyone is taking it seriously is the Addict part of you that's trying to say OH HEY you CAN drink because you're not really an alcoholic because he doesn't think so (or any other reason it comes up with and it has A LOT)
I don't know many people who don't have problems with alcohol fee the need to stop drinking or black out or want a beer in the morning or just to justify their drinking at all.. I think sometimes we downplay the fact that we even have to do that when really that's a big warning sign right there...
I recommend you find some meetngs in your are, listen to the stories. Some of the best advice I ever got was IDENTIFY don't compare...I bet you'll see a lot of yourself in their stories, most of us do.
And having the support of your husband will be extremely helpful. I couldn't have done this without my family. I only have 90 days but it's more time then I've ever had before.
best of luck you and
I feel that way too sometimes and I am 24 and got out of rehab 2 months ago and moved back in with my parents they were they ones who sent me to rehab and they've seen first hand what drinking has done but sometimes I wonder if they take it "seriously"
They probably do...and your husband probably does as well...but at the same time we hid it well, and on the other hand it can be hard for non-alcoholics to understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. Sometimes people don't understand why it's not as simple as just saying no, or just cutting back...your husband could be like that or maybe he just doesn't realize the true hell this can bring...although if you continued drinking you would probably both find out.
Now...the thing is tho...it doesn't REALLY matter what your husband or my parents or our friends or anyone else thinks. It matters what WE think. And that part of you that's wondering if he's taking it seriously, or if anyone is taking it seriously is the Addict part of you that's trying to say OH HEY you CAN drink because you're not really an alcoholic because he doesn't think so (or any other reason it comes up with and it has A LOT)
I don't know many people who don't have problems with alcohol fee the need to stop drinking or black out or want a beer in the morning or just to justify their drinking at all.. I think sometimes we downplay the fact that we even have to do that when really that's a big warning sign right there...
I recommend you find some meetngs in your are, listen to the stories. Some of the best advice I ever got was IDENTIFY don't compare...I bet you'll see a lot of yourself in their stories, most of us do.
And having the support of your husband will be extremely helpful. I couldn't have done this without my family. I only have 90 days but it's more time then I've ever had before.
best of luck you and
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Welcome! For me finally saying out loud was a big relief as well. I had know for a while I was an alcoholic, but kept putting off quitting until other people noticed (or had the courage to say something to me).
That day came when my husband confronted me with his concerns about my drinking. That was it, and it was a relief really, and after dealing with insomnia for so long, I went to bed and slept like a baby! I woke up the next day and poured everything down the drain. And after 44 days, I have continued to sleep like a baby.
There are ard days, but the reward is so amazing!
That day came when my husband confronted me with his concerns about my drinking. That was it, and it was a relief really, and after dealing with insomnia for so long, I went to bed and slept like a baby! I woke up the next day and poured everything down the drain. And after 44 days, I have continued to sleep like a baby.
There are ard days, but the reward is so amazing!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 5
Wow Fenway...you are very wise for a 24 year old. Your advice has spoken to my heart, feel like I could cry right now...and not in a bad way lol. I realize I have a very long road ahead but i suppose my getting healthy has to start sometime, and it will happen one day at a time. (Oh and not bad for a red sox fan...go Cards! )
)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Dollyangel17 
Welcome! For me finally saying out loud was a big relief as well. I had know for a while I was an alcoholic, but kept putting off quitting until other people noticed (or had the courage to say something to me).
That day came when my husband confronted me with his concerns about my drinking. That was it, and it was a relief really, and after dealing with insomnia for so long, I went to bed and slept like a baby! I woke up the next day and poured everything down the drain. And after 44 days, I have continued to sleep like a baby.
There are ard days, but the reward is so amazing!
That day came when my husband confronted me with his concerns about my drinking. That was it, and it was a relief really, and after dealing with insomnia for so long, I went to bed and slept like a baby! I woke up the next day and poured everything down the drain. And after 44 days, I have continued to sleep like a baby.
There are ard days, but the reward is so amazing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Welcome CJ
I hope this find you sober and you have made a big step. Only you can tell if you are an alcoholic but waking up to a drink might be a sign you are. I only know I am.
My ex never really understood my alcoholism as she was not an alcoholic nor wanted to attend Al Anon or other support group for spouses of alcoholics. Her main and only wish was for me to stop drinking which is fair enough. I could never explain why I would drink as at the end I was not even sure myself. I think expecting most people who are not suffering from alcoholism to understand in a complete way the problem is not realistic. They may be supportive , have empathy , be mad or express any number of ideas , thoughts or emotions but my path found that only people who had a similar problem with alcohol could understand the crazy life my alcoholism led me to. Some people who can stop or limit their drinking find it difficult to understand how for people like me , one is too many , a thousand not enough.
Does your husband know what alcoholism really is? Lots of people I met thought only the skid row bum was an alcoholic which is far from the case. Lots of folks have some pretty odd ideas as to what alcoholism is , what its symptoms are , how its a family issue ( not just the drinkers) , what the symptoms and behaviours are of the active alcoholic.
I think maybe put yourself first for now and decide how you want to approach getting help for your drinking. There are a lot of support groups and ways people have quit drinking successfully. I personally use AA but that's me. SR is a great place for support and information on support groups.
Glad you posted and hope you stay around SR
I hope this find you sober and you have made a big step. Only you can tell if you are an alcoholic but waking up to a drink might be a sign you are. I only know I am.
My ex never really understood my alcoholism as she was not an alcoholic nor wanted to attend Al Anon or other support group for spouses of alcoholics. Her main and only wish was for me to stop drinking which is fair enough. I could never explain why I would drink as at the end I was not even sure myself. I think expecting most people who are not suffering from alcoholism to understand in a complete way the problem is not realistic. They may be supportive , have empathy , be mad or express any number of ideas , thoughts or emotions but my path found that only people who had a similar problem with alcohol could understand the crazy life my alcoholism led me to. Some people who can stop or limit their drinking find it difficult to understand how for people like me , one is too many , a thousand not enough.
Does your husband know what alcoholism really is? Lots of people I met thought only the skid row bum was an alcoholic which is far from the case. Lots of folks have some pretty odd ideas as to what alcoholism is , what its symptoms are , how its a family issue ( not just the drinkers) , what the symptoms and behaviours are of the active alcoholic.
I think maybe put yourself first for now and decide how you want to approach getting help for your drinking. There are a lot of support groups and ways people have quit drinking successfully. I personally use AA but that's me. SR is a great place for support and information on support groups.
Glad you posted and hope you stay around SR
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by CJred
My story isn't anything glamorous...never used to drink. Slowly started drinking beer while dating my now second husband. Fast forward 7 years...and Im now drinking every day. Always in the evening after work, which for a ling time I used as an excuse... "Hey...at least I don't wake up wanting to drink..." But the scary thing now is that if there is beer in the house, its in my hand.
So the other night, a girlfriend of mine and I met for dinner and I had three huge margaritas. Got home and for no reason I picked a fight with my husband. I said things I don't remember saying and I hurt him and made him feel very uncertain, which is NOT what I wanted.
So yesterday, we had a long talk. I cried...a lot. I realized I had to say it out loud. My heart started beating very fast, I got very anxious. Finally I said it out loud "Honey, I think Im an alcoholic". I told him I am "done" with drinking. I feel like its slowly killing me...physically and emotionally.
He was so supportive and said all the right things. I felt like a huge weight was lifted. I slept better than I have in months. All day long I have been very optimistic about my future, having finally got this out in the open. I get home from work...and Im greeted by my husband, who is drinking a beer.
I may be crazy, but I get the feeling he may just be in denial about my alcoholism? Im not angry with him, but I want now so much to go to the fridge and get a beer. Im just confused. Any advice? Im new to this.
So the other night, a girlfriend of mine and I met for dinner and I had three huge margaritas. Got home and for no reason I picked a fight with my husband. I said things I don't remember saying and I hurt him and made him feel very uncertain, which is NOT what I wanted.
So yesterday, we had a long talk. I cried...a lot. I realized I had to say it out loud. My heart started beating very fast, I got very anxious. Finally I said it out loud "Honey, I think Im an alcoholic". I told him I am "done" with drinking. I feel like its slowly killing me...physically and emotionally.
He was so supportive and said all the right things. I felt like a huge weight was lifted. I slept better than I have in months. All day long I have been very optimistic about my future, having finally got this out in the open. I get home from work...and Im greeted by my husband, who is drinking a beer.
I may be crazy, but I get the feeling he may just be in denial about my alcoholism? Im not angry with him, but I want now so much to go to the fridge and get a beer. Im just confused. Any advice? Im new to this.
People who aren't alcoholics really dont understand what it mean to be one. I find this all the time. Yesterday a co-worker who is new, and whom I told about my recovery and what not, asked if I can ever have just one. I told him no, thats not how it works. I was never able to have just 1 or I wouldn't have had the problem I did, lol.
This is a self-journey. Its great to have support if you can get it at home, but the real changes have to come from you. I know you want a new life, free of addiction, and you can have it. Stick to this, ask for help, be honest with yourself, and put all yourself into getting healthy and kicking your habit.
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