If only i was as i seemed...
 

Tonight I was briefly in the bar I hung out at almost daily for the past few years, and was greeted by a few of the regulars with lots if "hey...where have you been?", in which I replied...just not drinking, trying to get healthy. Of course they thought that was great and said how nice it was to see me.

These people have no idea to the extent of my drinking...they only saw me have 2 or 3 at a time, and walk out as calm and sober as when I walked in. I never was drunk! Of course, they didn't see the glass of brandy behind the flour in my cabinet, or smell the wine from my travel mug in the morning going to work! Boy I did keep it hidden well!

As far as the outside world, I was the perfect drinker...quiet, friendly and funny. I was a bartenders dream...never drank too much, never had to be shut off, big tipper....I was so well liked by the bartenders, they invited me to their birthday parties, baby showers etc.

In all honesty...I miss them...not the drinking so much, just the socialization. If only I was as I seemed...a normal drinker. But alas, I am not, and never will be. I am an alcoholic, albeit a crafty one, but an alcoholic just the same!

It's hard to accept some of the changes that we have to make in early recovery. I was a crafty alcoholic too, though I drank at home, but was always focused on hiding my drinking from my family.

The thing is, you weren't the person you were putting out there for the people in the bar to see. That wasn't the real you. Now, you can find the real person who was hiding behind the alcohol and get to know and love her.

Thank you Anna! It's true...I feel like I am getting reacquainted with the real me.

My husband told me last week it was like I was a different woman (in a good way). Not that I was a bad person, but I wasn't taking care of myself, and I was a living shell of a person...just sort of coasting. Now I am living again. Still takes getting used to, but I am liking what us now looking back at me in the mirror.

My kids have told me how much more fun I am sober, how much more reliable.. I just treasure my sober time so much.:) Compared to my drinking life, I am now truly living.:)

Awesome post. I am sure many can relate, I know I can. Keep posting.

That is so inspiring...:) I relate to the "shell of a person" and "just coasting".. there have been times where I would refuse to look in the mirror for atleast a day... how sad is that...

I spent years being who I thought other people wanted me to be
now...I'm just me.

It feels good :)

good for you Daisy - you will build a new life - one that better suits the real you :)

D

I was coasting to.......downward. I have a family member who i see becoming a shell. The personality takes on a coarse charicature of our former self.

Cherish the freedom

What a great and inspiring post Dolly!

I find quality sobriety and a great network of friends and supporters in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R