No more Beam
 

Yesterday I had the epiphany that was probably long over due. With my mother and girlfriend out of town feeling more lonely the usual in no time I had gone through more than 2 thirds of jim beam neat and still wasn't getting the effect I wanted... to essentially just pass out already.

That's when I realise I can no longer do this. In the past 4-5 years theirs been rarely a night where I did not use alcohol or weed to put me to sleep. Yesterday I had enough. Done just done. It's a weird moment when you realize you are staring at a bottle, talking to it in your mind. lol....

A big part of my family are alcoholics or were. If anything shame on me for not recognizing this in myself sooner.

Not to sure really where to go from hear. Kind of feel lost and ashamed today. What I do know however is tonight will be a long night.

Happy I found this community though... Found it this morning and took me all day to work up the courage to do this... Make it real I suppose.

Thanks.

Welcome to SR! :)

Welcome to SR. There is a lot of support and information here.

Your post reminded me of a song by Rodney Atkins. "If your going through Hell"

Part of the lyrics go...

You step off the straight and narrow, And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass, To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie, In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you, That's when you learn the truth

Listen to the entire song if you get a chance.

I know what it feels like to chase the drunk. At the end I am sure I was drunk but it never felt like I was.

Good luck to you. Mr. Beam was my tormentor too. I am a little over a week in. I am not doing perfect but I can say that I have been legally sober for over a week. I usually bought a 1.75 l bottle on Friday to get me through the weekend so I imagine the liquor store will be looking for me to come through their door any moment. Since I have stopped I can honestly say that I have saved over $100. I can think of other things to spend that money on. I don't have any revelations to share I feel pretty much the same. My wife is happier she doesn't have to wear ear plugs to sleep in the same room with me.

Welcome- and good for you!
There's a lot of great support here--SR has really helped me get through my first 2 days
Take care
:You_Rock_

Welcome to SR nobeam :)

You are right that talking to people here makes it more real. Coming here was the first time I had come across others with the same problem as me and that helped me quit in a way that no professional could. You'll find lots of support here as well as lots of info on recovery methods. Glad you're here x

Welcome nobeam! :) You found a great place where people really care and want to help.

Please don't feel ashamed - feel proud of yourself for reaching out and doing something about your addiction. I got to the point where no amount was enough & I was drinking straight vodka. It was a horrible, numb feeling - never fun or relaxing anymore. I know what you mean by "Done just done". :) You can get free of it! We're glad to have you with us.

Welcome nobeam :)

D

:welcome to a very supportive community. :hug:

Welcome!! And way to go on making it through day 1!!

No need to feel ashamed... we've all been where you are. The important part is that you are dealing with it.