So I planned a relapse
So I planned a relapse
and I am not going to go through with it, but I just wanted to share how CRAZY I am. I wanted a bottle of GOOD chianti and the house to myself.
I had it all planned. Except the part afterwards and how crappy I would feel and how 8.5 months would be down the drain. FOR WHAT?
Do you think I would come here and tell you how wonderful it was? No.
I am not relapsing. I went to a meeting and told on myself. I almost feel like a deserve a white chip or something for being so devious.
I had it all planned. Except the part afterwards and how crappy I would feel and how 8.5 months would be down the drain. FOR WHAT?
Do you think I would come here and tell you how wonderful it was? No.
I am not relapsing. I went to a meeting and told on myself. I almost feel like a deserve a white chip or something for being so devious.
That's awesome. I planned my last binge several weeks out. Started thinking about it as soon as I knew my wife was gone for the weekend. Kept telling myself I could always turn it around at the last minute and NOT drink. Debating and debating and debating in my head. I drank.
I am in awe that you made the right decision. I will follow the path you have blazed next time.
I am in awe that you made the right decision. I will follow the path you have blazed next time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
Great post. I thought of slipping a couple of weeks ago when I was throwing an internal temper tantrum, but like you, I remembered how I feel the day after and it sucks. So luck SR members got to hear my life history and it helped kick the AV in the butt.
Best Wishes and just keep remembering the awful side effects of withdrawl - physically and mentally.
Best Wishes and just keep remembering the awful side effects of withdrawl - physically and mentally.
Well done for pulling back Elisabeth!
I guess none of us want many last-minute escapes like that, but it's still really good that when it came down to it - you didn't drink.
You mustn't feel like you deserve a white chip. You had a serious battle with your addiction, but you won out and that's what matters. While it's worth thinking about how you might avoid those chain of thoughts again, you should still feel really pleased with yourself that you battled a severe craving and won out.
I guess none of us want many last-minute escapes like that, but it's still really good that when it came down to it - you didn't drink.
You mustn't feel like you deserve a white chip. You had a serious battle with your addiction, but you won out and that's what matters. While it's worth thinking about how you might avoid those chain of thoughts again, you should still feel really pleased with yourself that you battled a severe craving and won out.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you for this.
You've made me fully understand the scope of my AV.
I have a vacation coming up. I'm going to Fenway. Planning not to drink, but every day consciously telling myself that because every day I think about what peanuts, one of the good 10 dollar beers they sell there, and watching the Sox are like all together. There will be wine around on this vacation. Good wine. Chianti- good chianti. (TomSteve, it's wine, but that made me LOL!!!!) No, won't do it. I've kind of warned people too. Like, I'm DRIVING to Fenway on purpose- told my friend I'm driving so she can have a beer. (she's one of those enraging humans who drinks "a beer".) She's very concerned about Drinking and Driving and she is ALWAYS the DD by default around me because I ALWAYS get hammered. She probably doesn't even believe me, I'm surprised she's agreed to go in the car with me. Covered? Yeah. But then.... there's this other, more secret, thought. I COULD do this whole vaca sober, and sneak off for some alone time, just me, the river, the sunshine, and a six pack.
Here I am, telling you, it's popped up a couple times. I shoot it down, but it has popped up.
Thanks for creating the space with telling your story.... where I can see this in me for what it is.
You've made me fully understand the scope of my AV.
I have a vacation coming up. I'm going to Fenway. Planning not to drink, but every day consciously telling myself that because every day I think about what peanuts, one of the good 10 dollar beers they sell there, and watching the Sox are like all together. There will be wine around on this vacation. Good wine. Chianti- good chianti. (TomSteve, it's wine, but that made me LOL!!!!) No, won't do it. I've kind of warned people too. Like, I'm DRIVING to Fenway on purpose- told my friend I'm driving so she can have a beer. (she's one of those enraging humans who drinks "a beer".) She's very concerned about Drinking and Driving and she is ALWAYS the DD by default around me because I ALWAYS get hammered. She probably doesn't even believe me, I'm surprised she's agreed to go in the car with me. Covered? Yeah. But then.... there's this other, more secret, thought. I COULD do this whole vaca sober, and sneak off for some alone time, just me, the river, the sunshine, and a six pack.
Here I am, telling you, it's popped up a couple times. I shoot it down, but it has popped up.
Thanks for creating the space with telling your story.... where I can see this in me for what it is.
I feel there are several exit ramps out of a slippery situation should we wish to take them .
I'm glad you found one and took it . I think being honest with ourselves about such behaviour is the start of something glorious , to then share that is the bees' knees
Bestwishes, M
I'm glad you found one and took it . I think being honest with ourselves about such behaviour is the start of something glorious , to then share that is the bees' knees
Bestwishes, M
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