thewalkingdead

Hi All

I joined this forum months ago and then relapsed, stopped, relapsed.... I cannot remember how many times. But I do know that with my life the way it is, I am getting worse and starting to go on 4-day benders.

I promised myself yesterday i would not drink but the cravings got to me and I ended up drunk again. Today I have the same cravings but know that if I take a drink, i will have many.

I want to quit and have wanted to for years. Sometimes I can keep it down to 3 beers but often i go overboard. It makes me absolutely hate my life cos I know I am a slave to it.

I think I drink as it stops me being too self critical. I am pretty sure that is the reason.

It's 8.40am. I have been awake since 5am. I do not know how I will last the day but I really want to.

mecanix

hey there TWD ,

It's great you're here at SR do you have any support in the real world ? as sometimes the internet isn't enough . Glad you're here and look forward to you joining in

i found these threads useful at the begining :-

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

There is also the monthly "class" :- http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-pt-2-a.html
With people dealing with the same thing as you at the same time all around the world . just post and i'm sure they will welcome you (eventually depending on time zones, our friends in america mostly being asleep about now )

Bestwishes, M

thewalkingdead

Thanks for the links M

Those are severe cases of withdrawel. I do not think I am that heavy a drinker, just these last few days have got out of hand. I was thinking of going to the docs but I am house sitting an hour away from my GP and really do not fancy driving today. I do not get the shakes or major physical stuff, more mental.

I usually find when I quit like this, I go through a very long 24 hours. No sleep and hardcore anxiety. Then by the next day I just feel tired and drained but happy that I stopped. Hopefully that is how will feel this time tomorrow.

The company thing is a problem for me. I do not really have anyone I can ask for support except friends overseas (I used to live abroad). The last time I quit from a bender I had a friend with me to encourage me and listen to my ranting. She was great.

mecanix

Well keep an eye on yourself and be cautious . It really can be a dangerous thing to come off as you have read .

Unfortunately they put the most difficult bit of recovery at the begining .. i dunno why .. it's just how it is .
I found the arcade section and some mindless computer games helped a bit to break up my day and get me out of myself at the begining .

Treat yourself gently ,

bestwishes, M

NevarCiots

Hi walking dead.

I have just recently quit too. My last drink was wednesday afternoon. And today, I woke up, ate well, rode my bike for an hour, 20 mins doing some yoga stretches, worked an 8 hr shift and lifted weights for 30 minutes.

I just recently got out of bed because of brief twitching every 30 minutes of laying there so I guess you and I got some more waiting to do.

But I did not drink. And it was perfect! Lets you and I try again and again. Everyday, and lets see how we do. Sounds good?

Living

Hang in there - withdrawl is not fun, but it is a great reminder of when we are sober we never want to go through that again.

Your past withdrawls might not have been bad, but that does not mean future one's will not be. Stay diligent.

Anna

Yes, many of us drink to quiet the voice in our head. But, there are healthy ways to deal with that voice. Mindful Meditation is a great way to help you to calm your mind. "A New Earth" is a blueprint for how to live and to let go of that annoying voice.

whiskeyman

everyone is different. If you have ANY symptoms at all get tot he doctor.
my withdrawls hit the worst at day 4 and ended up in the hospital.

thewalkingdead

Thanks for the replies. It certainly is no fun. Anyway, I did have a few drinks today as my anxiety was going stupid but I had far far less than the previous 5 days. I actually see that as a step forward even though its not ideal. At least I won't feel quite so bad tomorrow.

Quite interesting what happened though. I am house sitting for my brother (hence the bender as I am by myself and able to drink as much as I like) and I decided to head out to the shop for some beers (just a few). Yeah yeah. This is exactly what i have done the previous five days. But anyway, I could not unlock the front door. The key would not unlock it! Then I thought, no probs, I'll use the back. But he has very high gates and they are all padlocked and i could not find the keys. So, i just thought, i'll deal with this tomorrow and just drink the nasty wine he has left. Felt like an intervention as I probably would have got trashed again but I hate wine and there was not much left anyway.

I am still quitting though. I have totally made up my mind about this as I see no point going through this anymore. From reading these forums, I also see that I am kidding myself if I think I can ever become a person who can have one beer and leave it at that. It's not gonna happen. I've just had such a rough 14 months that I easily fall into the snare of boozing to forget what has happened, not think about what will happen and not give myself a hard time. Honestly, I just hit a path of really bad luck and I went from 3 beers a day to 7. Then struggled to get it back to 3 then up down up down. I total battle, especially with all dayers were I can drink 14 beers. I have no doubt that if carry on I will be upto 20 beers in a month.

Yoga, meditation.... I love them both. I have struggled with meditation for over a year now though. Yoga I find amazing when I manage to build up to it properly. I have recently started doing it again. It's 2am my time and sleep if not happening right now. I can accept the insomnia as its part of the process. I just hope I start to feel better soon.

I'm not sure i drink enough to get the really bad physical symptoms. It's more the feeling weak, anxious and trouble sleeping (like now).