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Making friends on soberrecovery

Old 06-13-2013, 11:10 PM
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Making friends on soberrecovery

Is anyone else having trouble making friends on here ? Might sound kind of lame, but I've been trying to lately. Ill usually message people and not get a message back. And yes, I only discuss sobriety too. I would go into the chat area but I use an iPad and unfortunately it doesn't support the chat.
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:39 PM
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It's taken me awhile and lots of posts but there are a couple of lovely women I have really connected with lately. Keep at it.
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Old 06-14-2013, 01:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
It's taken me awhile and lots of posts but there are a couple of lovely women I have really connected with lately. Keep at it.
Hey, thanks so much. I will do that
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Old 06-14-2013, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHappyHour View Post
Is anyone else having trouble making friends on here ? Might sound kind of lame, but I've been trying to lately. Ill usually message people and not get a message back. And yes, I only discuss sobriety too. I would go into the chat area but I use an iPad and unfortunately it doesn't support the chat.
Try not to take it personally Sober; most people are careful about making connections beyond posting on the main pages. The Internet is not a place to be careless when making connections with others.

I've PM'd a few members when I felt a private word of encouragement was warranted, and they've always responded. But I wasn't expecting a "friendship" in the normal sense to develop out of these contacts. I value my privacy, so I respect the privacy of others.

Having said that, new friendships are always nice, and I've made friends on a site that I've frequented since 1998. I've met these people in person, and I have developed very solid off-line relationships with these people. Still, it's important to be careful when making private contact with anyone met online.
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Old 06-14-2013, 08:34 PM
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Hey SHH

I think Feenix makes a great point - many of us are cautious - and that's no bad thing on the net...I certainly wouldn't take it personally and turn that into 'whats wrong with me'

There's a lot of group threads out there to choose from - get on a couple and start posting and making friends

D
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Old 06-14-2013, 08:52 PM
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Speaking strictly for myself as a newbie, I am open to making friends here, but still a bit shy and hesitant. I haven't done the chat yet (sometimes time constraints pop up and I hate to seem rude if I show up in chat and then leave after 3 minutes), but I'm hoping that as time goes on and people get to know me, friendships will follow naturally. I bet you will find friendships blossoming as time goes on.
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Old 06-14-2013, 09:15 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHappyHour View Post
Is anyone else having trouble making friends on here ? Might sound kind of lame, but I've been trying to lately. Ill usually message people and not get a message back. And yes, I only discuss sobriety too. I would go into the chat area but I use an iPad and unfortunately it doesn't support the chat.
Yes. I get it. Also agree with the others that the net and privacy issues do indeed make this very difficult. I have resigned to the fact that this site can only provide so much. It is helpful but limited. I gladly accept the good that it can offer then try to not let the "bad" get me down to much. Just another facet of our imperfect world and situation I suppose.
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Old 06-14-2013, 09:31 PM
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I really don't know how many times I have requested friends per se'. I just assumed all of us were friends and were here to support each other. Maybe I am an outsider LOL.

I requested you as a friend and hope you will accept. We need each other daily to support one's addiction. Keep Posting.
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:06 PM
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I really hope that this site is offering you support and comfort while you walk in sobriety. We are all here for you. I have no doubt that you will make friends. You are an integral part of this community. Keep posting!
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:09 PM
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Hmm, I just chat in certain threads. I'm not a big fan of chat rooms, personally. I'm too easily distracted and my computer is slow.
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHappyHour View Post
Is anyone else having trouble making friends on here ? Might sound kind of lame, but I've been trying to lately. Ill usually message people and not get a message back. And yes, I only discuss sobriety too. I would go into the chat area but I use an iPad and unfortunately it doesn't support the chat.
You know, I think people in recovery can be a skeptical bunch, especially with newcomers. Its not you, its the idea of getting involved personally with someone, only to have then relapse and feel like you wasted your time or the possibility of them being too much to handle or too needy. I dont know. Maybe no one says it, but they think it, lol.

Ive been on here a month or so, and gotten some great personal messages, but on the actual forum, its hard to connect. Most of the replies are short and not really meaningful or even helpful, not everyone's, but some. I think a lot of people are fighting their demons and not looking to make friends per say, but more get information, vent, or share their story. Does that make sense?
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820 View Post
You know, I think people in recovery can be a skeptical bunch, especially with newcomers. Its not you, its the idea of getting involved personally with someone, only to have then relapse and feel like you wasted your time or the possibility of them being too much to handle or too needy. I dont know. Maybe no one says it, but they think it, lol.

Ive been on here a month or so, and gotten some great personal messages, but on the actual forum, its hard to connect. Most of the replies are short and not really meaningful or even helpful, not everyone's, but some. I think a lot of people are fighting their demons and not looking to make friends per say, but more get information, vent, or share their story. Does that make sense?
I really think people are giving what they can Nighthawk. Even if the response is short ,at least there is acknowledment of the poster. This seems helpful in my opinion. We are all here to give and receive support.
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:56 PM
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I understand what you're all saying. However, what I'm searching for in messaging is someone I can speak with about sobriety just like we do in the forum. Only difference is talking about it a little more in depth and one on one rather than having a conversation on the forum where everyone who posted there gets notified. I'm not asking for names or phone numbers or location. That's irrelevant and if someone wants to provide that info that's on them. Just trying to make friends I can connect with about what we're all ultimately here for. If I ever did ask anything that invades privacy, a reply isn't required anyway.
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Old 06-14-2013, 11:06 PM
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Hi SHH,

For a lot of folks, it takes baby steps to get more social (myself included.) Sometimes just joining is a big step, and then actually posting can be another big step. So coming out of one's shell and personally connecting can sometimes take awhile. I'm sure you'll connect with many more friends here now.

I must also add that virtually every post and response has been very helpful to me. All it takes is one supportive sentence or even a few encouraging words that make all the difference in the world.
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Old 06-14-2013, 11:14 PM
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I found the sort of friendship you're talking about on the monthly support threads. I would consider the people who have shared their journeys with me from the very beginning to be very good friends. We have sort of grown-up together. After a year or so of sobriety our conversations have evolved from how to stay sober to how to live life! A couple of those friendships have moved beyond SR into real life now. We are scattered all over the world, unlikely ever to meet up, but that's unimportant. I know where they are and they know where I am if we need each other.
Have you thought about joining one of the monthly support threads? You can always strike up a PM conversation with someone who seems to understand and support each other privately? That's what I did. And still do!!
People can be hesitant to be too open on a public forum.
Have you also got support in your real life?x
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Old 06-14-2013, 11:34 PM
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I'm always open to a PM - I know many other members here are too

D
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Old 06-15-2013, 06:30 AM
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I agree with Jeni. It's in themonthly support groups that i've made the closest friends. It takes time but in the monthly groups you build up a rapport.I've even kept in touch with people from some of the groups I joined but didn't stay sober in. I don't use chat.don't take it personally though, many people are wary or even just wanting to use SR for info.It takes time but you will meet people you'll click with
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Old 06-15-2013, 07:52 AM
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Some people also disable their PM's, but I'm not sure it would tell you this when you send them a message.
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Old 06-15-2013, 07:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm always open to a PM - I know many other members here are too

D
Ditto, I love logging on and having a pm!
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Old 06-15-2013, 08:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Torso View Post
Ditto, I love logging on and having a pm!
Me too.
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