Making friends on soberrecovery
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I tend to be doing 5 other things whilst also being on here , so i read the newcomers area and see if i have some relavant experience, encouragement or an angle or viewpoint which the poster might not have thought of . I'm happy for friendship to happen and i don't mind if it moves on or disapears , i'm not in control or responcible for the universe anymore , i gave up my cosmic plan when i put down the bottle 
Although SR might seem a place of sadness and full of problems when one first looks , to me it is a wonderland of people turning themselves around and trying to do something incredibly hard , yet positive in their lives .
I think i'm friendly with a lot of people here, i don't wish anyone harm, life is hard enough ! . i sure i get on some peoples nerves ( we're drunks we get bugged out sometimes ) , Acceptance , friendship , tetchyness i'm at peace with any of it .
I'm sure you will make friends if thats what you want , put yourself out there a bit , in the UK a bus dosn't always stop unless you put your hand out . Sometimes even then they sail on past ...
I've had people ask in open forum to want to make friends and then haven't recieved a message from them , i'm also wary of co-dependancy and of what i'd call emotional vampires . "Friends and enemies" by Dorothy Rowe was an interesting read upon the subject . I think sometimes we have to learn the art of friendship just like so many other life skills .
Goodluck , M
Although SR might seem a place of sadness and full of problems when one first looks , to me it is a wonderland of people turning themselves around and trying to do something incredibly hard , yet positive in their lives .
I think i'm friendly with a lot of people here, i don't wish anyone harm, life is hard enough ! . i sure i get on some peoples nerves ( we're drunks we get bugged out sometimes
) , Acceptance , friendship , tetchyness i'm at peace with any of it . I'm sure you will make friends if thats what you want , put yourself out there a bit , in the UK a bus dosn't always stop unless you put your hand out . Sometimes even then they sail on past ...
I've had people ask in open forum to want to make friends and then haven't recieved a message from them , i'm also wary of co-dependancy and of what i'd call emotional vampires . "Friends and enemies" by Dorothy Rowe was an interesting read upon the subject . I think sometimes we have to learn the art of friendship just like so many other life skills .
Goodluck , M
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Hey! We've PMd back and forth a bit, I love getting messages. I suck sometimes at responding quickly, and I'm sure I dropped the ball on our last message, but I'd love to pick up our conversation. Off to search my PMs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by flutter 
Hey! We've PMd back and forth a bit, I love getting messages. I suck sometimes at responding quickly, and I'm sure I dropped the ball on our last message, but I'd love to pick up our conversation. Off to search my PMs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
SoberHH, an interesting topic and thanks for raising it.
Yeh, 'friends' in the online space - my take on it is that, even if I have only minimal 'official' SR friends or people with whom I exchange PMs, it's still really wonderful to encounter so many warm-hearted, sincerely felt, 'voices' from around the world.
It's one of the things that attracted me to join SR more than any other forum. And certainly, for me, it's much more genuinely friendly than Facebook - i.e. SR people talk about deep struggles and successes in their lives; exchange tips and virtual blessings and hugs; go a bit silly with hilarious jokes and word plays; honour each other's significant moments like birthdays, sobriety milestones, losses and moments of mourning, and each other's little ordinary daily moments too.
An amazing tapestry of threads (pun intended) include all these things and more.
I may not know what each person looks like in real life, but I get to hear, to feel along with them, and they with me. Each of us could well be in our dressing gown n slippers, or in a business suit or jogging gear...it doesn't matter. We could be all alone in real life, or surrounded by loving and not-so-loving family members or housemates. We may have a dog or cat, or several, or none (though lots of SRs are pet lovers, go figure :-)).
We may be 25, 37, 52, 73...in age. We may have been addicts of whatever substance for decades, or a few years, or even months. Likewise, we may be on the interminable Day 1 or 2 cycle....or solidly, happily (or unhappily) sober n clean for years.
We may live in the country, with little supports around; or in a big city, with lots of supports available. Or in a small or medium size town somewhere, betwixt country expanses and city.
We may be single, happily or not; married, happily or not; divorced, happily or not; widowed, happily or not; working in a 'real' job, happily or not; unemployed, retired, studying, on a pension, happily or not.....
It's truly incredible. Are these people, essentially invisible strangers to us in real life, our 'friends'? I believe that we are, simply because we share common concerns and struggles, and - in 95% of cases, thanks to our careful moderators - communicate with each other with compassion, sincerity, wit, and personal depth. Sounds like a close-to-ideal definition of friendship!
Yeh, 'friends' in the online space - my take on it is that, even if I have only minimal 'official' SR friends or people with whom I exchange PMs, it's still really wonderful to encounter so many warm-hearted, sincerely felt, 'voices' from around the world.
It's one of the things that attracted me to join SR more than any other forum. And certainly, for me, it's much more genuinely friendly than Facebook - i.e. SR people talk about deep struggles and successes in their lives; exchange tips and virtual blessings and hugs; go a bit silly with hilarious jokes and word plays; honour each other's significant moments like birthdays, sobriety milestones, losses and moments of mourning, and each other's little ordinary daily moments too.
An amazing tapestry of threads (pun intended) include all these things and more.
I may not know what each person looks like in real life, but I get to hear, to feel along with them, and they with me. Each of us could well be in our dressing gown n slippers, or in a business suit or jogging gear...it doesn't matter. We could be all alone in real life, or surrounded by loving and not-so-loving family members or housemates. We may have a dog or cat, or several, or none (though lots of SRs are pet lovers, go figure :-)).
We may be 25, 37, 52, 73...in age. We may have been addicts of whatever substance for decades, or a few years, or even months. Likewise, we may be on the interminable Day 1 or 2 cycle....or solidly, happily (or unhappily) sober n clean for years.
We may live in the country, with little supports around; or in a big city, with lots of supports available. Or in a small or medium size town somewhere, betwixt country expanses and city.
We may be single, happily or not; married, happily or not; divorced, happily or not; widowed, happily or not; working in a 'real' job, happily or not; unemployed, retired, studying, on a pension, happily or not.....
It's truly incredible. Are these people, essentially invisible strangers to us in real life, our 'friends'? I believe that we are, simply because we share common concerns and struggles, and - in 95% of cases, thanks to our careful moderators - communicate with each other with compassion, sincerity, wit, and personal depth. Sounds like a close-to-ideal definition of friendship!
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