Nuudawn

It's my day off work. I had great plans to accomplish things but when it gets down to it.. I don't want to do anything. I just got rid of some clothes and tried tidying up and started to feel really p*ssy bout things. I've let so many things get out of control and the thoughts come fast and furious. I'm upset with myself for being such a drunken baby all these years letting things pile up..bills unpaid and when I consider what I have to muddle through in sobriety.. it makes me want to forget the whole thing and just return to my nightly wine cloud and cigarette haze....and dysfunctional toxic relationship drama..

I know it's petulant and stupid..but I just don't want to DEAL. Thinking about DEALING makes me want to drink and fogettaboutit....argh.

I want to go back to denial..and that's seriously messed up.

ImperfectlyMe

You don't want to get back to denial or you wouldn't be here asking fir help! You can do thus and you should. Ride it out I know it's easier said then done. This will pass I promise you that

Nuudawn

No I don't want to Imperfectly ....this is the first real "weakness spell" I've had in my 12 days of sobriety. It kinda snuck up and bit me on the bum..hence the post yes. Quite frankly it scared me as I kinda thought I was in calm waters...but oop out of nowhere a Tsunami is stirring.

Mizzuno

Rome was not built in a day, and so our sobriety will take time to adjust too. I think that you are doing well. Its alright to have a tantrum. Maybe you have accomplished enough for the day. Slow and steady.

ImperfectlyMe

Nuu I had a similar experience in the beginning. So motivated excited and thrilled with my new found toy sobriety. Then I hit hit with my first knee buckling craving. I felt exactly like you said it was a tantrum. It reminded me of when I had to take away my child's pacifier. I kept saying I want it I want it I want it!!!! It shook me because I had been thinking wow this is easy in cured!

I'm now finding yes there's struggles and there's times in going to miss drinking but I have to look at the big picture and remember the feeling I felt when I was drunk. It wasn't great it was a habit it was the one thing I could control.

Read some of the " my stories". I would read them when I was really really struggling. The great and powerful OZ's (aka DEE) is very inspirational!

Nuudawn

.
Thank you for hearing me. Yes, child and a pacifier...great analogy

trikyriky

Hi , ND Lets See . In The Past Five Days I've Been Ecstatic , Crazy Mad , Euphoric, Depressed , Giddy , Anxious , Inquisitive , Lonely , Busy , Bored , Not Sure , Determined..............Oh! How I Love This Journey............ Go Easy My friend

Dee74

I think drunken babies have start off again as sober babies before they knuckle down, start dealing with life, and start to grow a little Nuudawn - I know I did

After a while I worked out, tantrum or not, I still had to take care of business - no one would - so the tantrums kinda died away...

It's a pretty quick process - you'll be ok
D

tomsteve

I was told I stopped growing mentally and emotionally when I took my 1st drink, so even though I was 36 when I got into recovery, I was only 13ish mentally and emotionally.
I found that to be true.
it took willingness to change and T.I.M.E.

but im reliving 21 again only sober!!

mecanix

Some people find it useful to write a list and deal with a few things at a time on the list , maybe 1 big and 4 small ..

I'm not that organised though , i just do a few of the most pressing things and then take a walk and look at the sky or clouds or something .. Quintin Crisp said "dust dosn't get any worse after 3 years "

Bestwishes, M

Nighthawk8820

No, face your feelings, and have your tantrum!!! Never fear your emotions, because they are nothing to be afraid of. Many addicts use to feel numb, but you feel so much worse using than you would if you just stopped, faced your feelings, and processed them in a healthy way. You will get better at it, but don't be afraid of them.

In society, it seems we are taught from a young age to act or feel a certain way, and then feel bad when we don't live up to our ideal image. I say, to hell with it, because there is nothing wrong with what you feel. Feel it, feel it to your core, and then it will pass. You get stronger every-time, and will see, there is no reason to be numb because being numb also shuts out the good, amazing feelings life has to offer as well. Its okay to be angry, sad, excited, whatever..........

fantail

I am in a messy mood today too. At four months just about I'm getting to the point where sobriety is starting to develop out into nuanced moods, which is really cool.

But it also means bad moods and of course for years any time I felt bad I just drank until I forgot what day it was, so I've had to start getting used to that.

I mostly rely on mindfulness, observing and feeling the feelings without letting them drive me.

For me some helpful imagery is to think of a boat. Calm seas, OK, awesome, full steam ahead towards wherever I'm going (unless it's so pretty out I want to stop for a swim!! Am I stretching my metaphor?? I think I hear a gong. OK OK, moving on).

When conditions start getting choppy, I scale back my expectations. I keep on going, but I know I'm not going to be making as much progress as I would on a clear day.

And sometimes there's a storm and I just pull down the sail and start bailing. Forward progress is not really an option for that day.

It's a silly little rubric but it's a quick visual to remind myself that I can't expect to have the same results for my efforts day after day. There are just too many factors going on right now... emotional recovery, physical recovery, and then on top of that normal life.

It might help to come up with a shorthand for yourself? A way of tempering your expectations.

Nuudawn

Thank you all so much for your insightful words. I loved an appreciated each and every one of them. Nice to know this SR thing not only helps to keep you steady and inspired when you're cruising...but extends a hand when you're starting to sink.

Thank you for your wisdom and support Imperfectlyme, Dee, Nighthawk, Trikyriky, Mecanix, Tomsteve, Mizzuno and Fantail (LOVED Smokey da Bear!!).

I wanted to jump ship for a bit there..but I got an oar back in hand. Onward ho with the rest of you.

ImperfectlyMe

Hahaha love that new avatar!