Weasel1966

There is no good way to feel when we fall out of friendship with someone. Even less when we don't know why. A bit lower when you suspect it was from addictions.

I guess I have not been the same person recently. He knows of recent events for me and was supportive. But maybe that was all a lie? He and his wife are moving out of state and since that time he has ignored me. They had a going away party that I was overlooked until I saw everyone together. Invited him and his wife to dinner on me to say good bye and they kept putting it off. Now there is no time to go before they leave.

There is a ton of reasons for friendships to end. I don't have many people I call friend. But to feel this way is not what I was expecting to feel.

I am very low today thinking of how much I put into a friendship only to find I was unwanted. Well... They should have said that.

least

Nuudawn

Hey Weasel..
I don't know all the details here..what do you mean "was overlooked until I saw everyone together"? You saw everyone in a huddle talking about it so they had to invite you?
If they are moving I imagine they are incredibly busy and time is of the essence.

Please don't make this about you and your value...because it very likely isn't. I
Is it true he doesn't want your friendship? Do you know it for a fact that he doesn't want your friendship?
If you let go of the belief that he doesn't value you your friendship, how would you feel?
How would you feel if he was just busy and stressed out and hasn't been able to prioritize his time and figure things out because he's a mad man freaked out about all the things he has to do cuz he's moving?
As stress goes, I believe Moving is at the top of the list.

Mizzuno

Im sorry for your hurt Ken. I wish I could hug you in person. (((HUG))) this cyber hug will have to do. Rejection is hard and it never feels good. I think that sharing this and letting people support you is the healthiest way to go about this. I hope that you feel better soon

Weasel1966

Nuu...they live upstairs and yes. I walk past them all congragating to go out and yes that's when I got invited. By his other friends. He actually stopped back to get something and still never asked me.

I am cool with someone not liking me. I don't have hang ups to please everyone. But I do when I thought something was genuine.

It hurts to feel that way.


Thanks mizz! Thanks least!

soberjim

Ken..Sorry to read your post! Obviously it says more about them than yourself.

Try not to feel low...
If it is any consolation you have lots of folks here who are really fond of you and look forward to your both your support and insights!

Take care of yourself.

Jim

aasharon90

This little southern AA friend is
here to stay with ya.

fantail

I agree with Nuudawn... the simplest explanation is usually the correct one, and I think it's more likely that you got lost in the shuffle than that he has a secret reason for no longer wanting to be friends with you.

The party invite may have been an oversight, or it may have been over-cautiousness. If he's been supportive of your sobriety, he may just not have wanted to put you in a tempting situation, alcohol-wise.

Don't freeze up, you might end the friendship yourself! I would try not to see it as a rejection and give him and his wife a nice card or other recognition of their move.

Weasel1966

Thank you!

Jim....Not the kind to be a wounded pup here. I take other people's stuff in stride and not personally. But this was personal. Have not felt this way in a good long time. Maybe because I let few in. But it is what it is.

Soberpotamus

Sorry Weasel. I know that must hurt.

Weasel1966

I am left with absolutely no choice. I have to compensate!

Heading to get a big a s s ice cream sundae tonight!

Thanks for all the support! You are making me feel better!

Fandy

Big hugs from Fandy too.....I do understand and know it feels craptastic.
Take the high road with a card and leave the door open.
what kind of ice cream? can we have cannoli too? and good pizza?

Michael66

I'd feel hurt as well.

But an ice cream sundae sounds like an ecxellent idea!

Nuudawn

Weasel..we alcoholics are "awfulizers" by nature. I know that I have made emotional molehills into major motion picture mountains in my head.
I have learned that if my thoughts "put me down" or "kick me around"..it's bullcrap and of little truth.
And as Fantail suggests...perhaps he is worried about your sobriety

newhope01

I don't want to say I know exactly how it feels but I've lost friends in a similar way you described and its a horrible feeling. A piece of us knew that the relationship was disintegrating but we remained hopeful and kept putting time and energy into the relationship.

Best lesson I learned over the years in these types of situations is that it is more important for me cherish the positive memories I have in that relationship. Be thankful that it ended amicably as the alternative would have been more damaging. No one was outwardly rude or vicious to one another by name calling or blows below the belt. This leaves room for the two of you to reconcile in the future if your friend is willing to come around.

But if your friend never does come around, don't internalize it as something you did or could of done differently. Just remember the good times you two shared and leave it at that.

(((hugs)))

mecanix

Things change all the time . The only certainty in life is it's uncertainty .
You are not the Ken you were 10, 20 or 30 years ago , you are not the Ken you were 6 months ago .

It's a new day , stand proud , you're a survivor and i know the sober you will understand and make far firmer friendships now than you did .

You rock Ken , stick with it ,

Bestwishes, M

Jeni26

Things change with time. People move on. I've had some incredibly close friendships in the past which have fizzled out, and others that have stood the test of time.

It's the way of the world.

You're ok Ken. Chin up. All will be well

Jen xxx

Weasel1966

Well I certainly could not ask for a better set of sober friends than I have right here!

I know I will be fine... Things change.... But the new ken has to stop and feel the pain as its happening. Holding it until... Is no solution... And the reason I drank.

So here I am to tell the world. Lol

No pizza fandy... Just TCBY with Hershey syrup and home made whipped cream.

DG0409

A heart that hurts is a heart that works.

Wastinglife

I have been excluded by friends from certain events before, but I know it was due to my drinking. When there was going to be family/children of friends present on a particular occasion, I was not welcome since I was unpredictable in how I would act or how much I would drink. I had made a scene a few times before in totally inappropiate places. I would have banned myself too. I actually don't take it personally because I know my friends like me as my true, sober self.

Weasel, have you drank too much and done something regretful before in front of these people?