lessgravity

Conversations that I don't remember the endings of, sometimes not even the middles or beginnings.

Photos on my phone of my son I don't remember ever taking.

Waking up with unfinished bottles of wine, the lights all on, my laptop on my lap, at 8pm after starting to drink at 11am.

Wanting so badly for the other life I could be living but putting it off, over and over.

least

Sounds like you're sick and tired of the drinking life. You can make a new start for a better life but you've got to put the bottle down for good. Just don't drink one day at a time. Keep on doing that. Put one foot in front of the other and eventually you'll start feeling better and enjoying your life.

bexxed

Oh my god, the phone calls. The online chats. The 2 AM text sessions I have to check my phone for. Going down to my car, opening it up, and smelling my booze breath from the night before IN the car.

I don't want it back.

ScottFromWI

It's there for the taking. Unlike other things in life that require wealth, privilege, or luck, Sobriety is attainable for ANYONE. All it requires is the desire to quit and stay sober. Initially quitting is tough for sure, but it's mainly just discomfort that will pass.

The only thing stopping anyone from obtaining sobriety is themselves...if you really want it that badly, just get it..make it happen! And stay here at SR -we'll be there along the way.

lessgravity

Thank you for all that.

I'm reminded too of this quote from Richard Price (one of my favorite authors)who was an ex--junky. That he quit because otherwise all he did was think about it all day. That's me today. Ever other minute I'm thinking of that fat bottle of cheap white wine...

Acheleus

Black outs scared the hell out of me. I have been sober for 14 days, and I did not begin blacking out with each binge until the past few months. What I worried about was hurting someone or my self. I don't have to worry about that as long as I stay sober. You can never black out again if you don't want to!

OneLessLonely

You do t gave to experience those things ever again.

Mizzuno

One day at a time is how we do it. The beginning days are tough, but once you gain some momentum you'll have acquired time and perspective. There is so much to live for beyond the cheap wine. We are here for you.

Anna

Blackouts are incredibly scary because they are part of your life that you have absolutely no memory of. I'm glad you're ready to make a change in your life.

IslaLuna

Blackouts would result in days of depression and self loathing. I was constantly trying to sort out the trouble and mayhem I caused...and the effort would send me back to a drink. Seemed like there was no escape. But there is, as others have suggested, if you don't drink for today. Just today...a few hours. I can't really put into words how amazing it is to wake up remembering what happened the day before. To have no crippling anxiety and remorse. The very best of luck to you x

lessgravity

Have you been sober for a while?

IslaLuna

Ten months now. I was a binge drinker, could go for days and weeks without, but then all bets were off when I did start. The blackouts started to terrify me, in fact I was lucky that nothing serious happened to me. But it was awful enough. I do not miss the paranoia, panic and feeling sick. I never believed it would be possible to enjoy stuff without drink. But I look back, and my behaviour and experiences were terrible...there was no enjoyment there. But I think addiction and even society equates alcohol with fun. I suspect that for me that was never the case. There is certainly nothing fun about hurting yourself and other people. You can do this y'know xx

lessgravity

I so want to but there's a part of me right now that "knows" I'm buying that 750ml of wine soon as I get off the subway tonight.

ScottFromWI

So tell that part of you that tonight you aren't buying it. Buying wine is a conscious decision you make, just as deciding not to buy the wine will be. You just have to keep reminding yourself that the part of you that wants to be sober is more important.

Dee74

Welcome lessgravity

It's pretty simple really - if you want change you need to make change, you need to take those tough choices.

If you don't, the likelihood is the longer you drink, the worse things will get.

D

lessgravity

I agree. Nonetheless my decision was to grab the bottle again.

This forum makes me hopefully. Just need to steel up these nerves.

Thank you all for the kind words.

Dee74

My decision was to grab the bottle again too - and things did get worse.

You can get out of the rapids - now - before the current gets too strong lessgravity...

but the longer you leave it the more upstream you'll be, and the harder it will get.

D

lessgravity

I'm no young man, though no oldie either. Still I love your metaphor re: rapids.

Sinderos

Lessgravity, something someone on SR suggested to me is to think about not drinking instead of thinking about drinking. It has helped so much the last days. I'm finishing day 3 as sober. I wanted to drink tonight, but instead kept thinking about things I want to so that I can't if I'm drinking. Here I am sober, laying in bed, with no alcohol.

You can do this IF you truly want to quit drinking. We are all here for you!

FreeFall

LessGravity, I know for years if I even thought about quitting drinking I couldn't even follow through on the idea in my own head. I think I was afraid that I would try, be unsuccessful, have to go to AA, be unsuccessful, and then what?! SR has showed me that there are so many ways and methods to recovery. I found that by combining several methods and spending a lot of time here I have been able to stop for longer than I ever would have thought possible.

For me, the relief that stopping has brought me is wonderful. Less chaos. No more forgetting. No more worries about dui arrest. No more putting off things I need to do. More money. Clearer skin. Healthier teeth. Better sleep. Better attitude. It keeps on getting better.

You picked up a bottle of wine tonight, but maybe tomorrow you won't. Make it a choice to stop drinking, not a punishment, or something that's mandatory that you want to rebel against. Good luck!