JustSarah

I'm back here again and gutted - I thought I could control my drinking and I really can't! It's horrible, I had the worst night last night - got blind drunk and decided to hurt myself so my arm is now covered in pathetic scratches - I gave my husband hell and didn't go to sleep till 3am. He's had enough and warned me this morning that he will leave me one day if I can't get ontop of this.

I went to the drs today as I was concerned and had read about some drugs that can help - anyways turns out my dr has to refer me to a drug and alcahol team but she didn't think they would be able to help too much as I don't drink enough. Basically getting blind drunk 2-3 times a week isn't enough for the nhs to take you seriously. I also brought up that I could have a touch of post-natal depression but she buffed me away and told me that my low-ness is probably alcahol related and not due to my 11week old.

I feel so lost and sad and I want desperately to fix me and my relationship to my husband but I don't know where to start

Has anyone else been here? Do you have any advice?

least

If you can't get any help from the nhs then you'll have to do it on your own. Have you given any thought to AA? They have helped millions of people get and stay sober. I'd give it a good try.

JustSarah

I've never been - the thought of going terrifies me! I should look into it as the thought of going this alone fills me with the biggest fear cause I know I can't do it on my own - which was why I tried the drs

doggonecarl

You might need a little more sober time under your belt before you dismiss alcohol as the cause of your depression. It takes a little bit of time to normalize our brains.

While most doctors can tell you the damage that alcohol does, I am not sure the average doctor is that well versed in recovery. That's where AA can help. People who have gotten and remain sober guide you in that process.

But folks have gotten sober without AA. The one thing all recovery methods share is the committment to work your recovery and to not drink, no matter what.

No trying to control our drinking, no "things will be different this time" attempts, no "I don't think I really have a problem" kind of thinking. Sobriety. Totally.

FeenixxRising

Think it through. Ask yourself way it "terrifies" you? I believe you will find that your fears are unfounded. All you have to do is find a meeting, walk in and just be there. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, you don't have to commit to anything. The people there will almost certainly be welcoming. If the first meeting doesn't go all that well, attend another meeting with a different group. Each group and meeting has a different dynamic.

As for your Dr. issues. Can you see a Dr. on your own and pay for it yourself? I'm not sure how the health care system works in the UK, but in the US, you could see any Dr. you want. If one doesn't seem to "get it" you can see another Dr. who might. The downside is that insurance may not cover everything, or the patient may have to pay the full cost.

heath480

Sorry you are struggling Sarah.You can call the AA helpline number.They will put you in contact with another lady to talk to you and meet you to go to a meeting.
If you have any problem don't hesitate to send me a PM and I will try to help.

wiscsober

give your local AA hotline a call and ask for a woman member(s) to talk with or call you. Invite them over for coffee or meet them...set up to go to a meeting, (not alone), but with a member. It will make it less terrifying.

You don't need to talk at the meeting...just listen...it's a start.

I manned our hotline last night and was able to set up a "12th" for a man in a rural part of the county.

You are only hours away from a blind drunk so your emotions and thinking are pretty raw...eat, drink, try to nap, see if you can get help with the baby, ask family and friends for support even if just an hour or two...

My AexW at the time was able to stay sober for a few years when we had 2 toddlers and an infant...and she got a lot of help from members in NA.

Best wishes to you and your husband, and of course that precious baby...

ScottFromWI

We've all been there in one way, shape or form Sarah. The best advice I can give is make a commitment to stop drinking. You can't undo the things you've done to damage your relationship, but a commitment to sobriety will show those around you that you are serious and a person to be trusted. It will take time, but it is most definitely worth it. SR is a great place for support, and there are many subforums about all the different recovery methods you can try.

Bottom line though, the biggest piece of the puzzle is you. You have to want to quit, and you have to make a plan. You cannot use excuses as to why recovery won't work either - because it will if you commit to it, plain and simple.

Best of luck and please read lots, and ask any questions you might have. There's always a light on here at SR!

Crossfitdad

I hope you find the help you need. All this NHS scares the crap out of me...I pray that we never see that here in the USA.

Sasha4

I paid for a very, very expensive addictions counsellor, not available on the NHS.
Did not work.
I could have used the money for other things.

The tablets they can prescribe are not a cure all.
If you really want to drink, you can miss a few doses and you can.
They also interfere with everyday living - for example you cannot use beauty products with alcohol in as they can cause a reaction or eat foods cooked with alcohol either.
There might be other issues too that others have more experience with.

Three things worked for me.
Today is day 481 without a drink.

1. I came to SR everyday, sometimes many, many times a day. I read and read and learnt and learnt. I didn't just come here after a bad night (used to) of drinking. I came all the time.

2. I went to some AA meetings. I have a young child and work full time so I cannot go as often as I would like. I mainly listened to other people. I will be forever grateful that they shared their stories of rock bottoms with me, so that I could see how bad it can really get. One man was homeless, a lady came to after a blackout, to find herself driving with her young kids in the car.
AA people are some of the wisest, coolest people I have ever met and I cannot recommend enough you go, even for a couple of meetings just to listen.

3. I changed my routine. I never drank during the day, but I had a routine of sitting in front of the telly getting smashed, drinking from my favourite glass every night for hours.
That glass is smashed. The TV is mostly off, the sofa is not sat on for hours anymore. At first it was hard. Sometimes I went to bed early just to get away from the evening.
I cleaned, I cooked meals for the freezer, I went shopping to Ikea, I sorted junk out for car boots, I went for a drive, I had a long bath, read magazines, gutted my kitchen.
And it worked.
Honestly I can now say it would seem alien to sit and drink all night.
The thought rarely crosses my mind.

have also found that I respond to drama and a crisis differently. I don't rush for a drink. They are usually over after an hour anyway. My depression has improved by about 80%. Alcohol is a major depressant.

I think you should grab all the help from the NHS that you can but for me, i had to take control. I had to take steps myself. I needed to be the proactive one.

My best to you
xx

2granddaughters

Sarah, Google and read about AA and the stories in the Big Book.

AA was/is where the hopeless alcoholics go when the Doctors have given up on them.

The oldtimers in your local AA group(s) will help you.

All the best.

Bob R

FamilyMan2153

I took so many pledges a day after a drunk. It is the worst feeling and many of us have been where you are now. That hopeless feeling of what the hell to do next. You are not alone but you also cannot do it alone. I do not really know what is available to you but reach out. Have you discussed this with anyone else besides your husband? Remember that you have to do this for yourself. Not just to "fix" your relationship with your husband. I hope that is one of the benefits of getting sober but cannot be the only reason. I am sure you know there is a better Sarah in there, now you just need to find her.

juststopit

Is your drinking any heavier now than it was before the baby? Clearly don't want to give medical advice but...if you are concerned that you have postpartum depression you should probably pursue getting help for both that and your drinking.


There is a great mom/mums group under the newcomers daily support (don't don't know how to add a link). It might help to chat with other moms about your depression.

DisplacedGRITS

Your First Step is someone else's Twelfth Step. Don't not make the call because you're afraid of putting someone out. AA has been a huge help to me in my recovery. You'll find some good people there who just want to help you.

Mizzuno

Well, this sounds like you have some decisions to make. I would most likely stop using alcohol at this point in time. Reach out to your local AA if you think that it would help. You may be suffering from depression from having a baby. This may be happening. What about getting a second opinion through another doctor? It is most definitely scary when our loved ones are on the brink of leaving. I have experienced this myself. You have the power to stop drinking, and the power to address the underlying issues. One day at a time.

JustSarah

Thank you all for your kind words and ideas - I have just spoken to my hubby and we are planning on how to tackle this. I am also going for it - giving up drinking - it absolutely terrifies me but losing my family is more frightening! Unfortunately I will have to wait for the nhs to advise on their plan but right now I have SR - I am going to check in everyday and read and doo everything I can to battle this. It has been a long time coming and I think I'm about as ready as I'll ever be - I am also going to go to an AA meeting

Day 1 almost done

FeenixxRising

Good for you Sarah. When you have cravings, remember that a craving can't hurt you. It may be uncomfortable, but many things in life are uncomfortable, and the cravings will pass and diminish with time.

GracieLou

That is great to hear. I am glad you are going to give AA a try. Let us know how it goes. We are here for you.

Hevyn

Welcome back Sarah - I'm glad you plan to visit here often. I was able to stop after drinking my whole life - because of the support & encouragement I found here. I agree that AA is worth checking into.

For years I looked at giving up alcohol as a loss. I don't know why, since in the end it was nothing but miserable and damaging. You'll feel so good to be free of it. You can do this, Sarah.

Duffster

Glad to hear you're going to stop drinking. You and your baby both deserve that! I'm surprised that your Dr. isn't taking your possible ppd more seriously. I had severe ppd after my second and it is very real and very scary. At the very least, you are still going through some major hormonal changes.

Someone else mentioned that there is a mom's support thread - you should check it out. We know what it's like and what you're going through. Good luck and congratulations on your 11 week old