forabetterlife

Only on day 3 and I have been there, done that many times before. But that doesn’t keep me from appreciating how good it feels – already. Waking up with this peace of mind, rather than trying delude myself that my drinking wasn’t “that bad” the night before and that I feel “mostly ok”, when in reality I am hating myself, I’m exhausted, and feeling like crap.

I don’t want to be in an on/off pattern with drinking. I see so clearly how much better and different my life is without it and I need to make this change stick, once and for all.

I still have my impending vacation coming up in a few days, which makes me anxious. During my witching hours, when I think about it, I pretty much tell myself that I will drink on vacation. Drinking gives me a “just sc**#& it” attitude. Always has, even when I first started back in my 20’s. “Sc&@#w responsibility and doing the right thing, I’m just gonna drink, I deserve it, I’m an adult, this is what adults do”. I know that recognizing that is half the battle but I do see that I have choice to make. Allow myself to be fooled by that attitude, which creeps into my daily life at least once a day (often more), or expect it and prepared to tell the side of me that knows better, “Drinking helps nothing! It makes everything worse!”.

So simple, yet so hard to do. I really hate addiction, but I admit that I am somehow smack dab right in the middle of it, but fighting my way out.

tabasco

Day 2/3 for me. You have to get the point where all the research into drinking has stopped and you finally except it is damaging you, more than the very short period of pleasure is worth.
I have now accepted that I am alcoholic who can never drink again. That my life will be better without putting ethanol my into bloodstream on purpose in order to effect/change my feelings. The choice of the first drink is very much a choice. After the first drink, you have little or no choice but to enter whole rabbit hole. It's awful, I feel for you.

mecanix

When i thought Sc&@#w it i'm not going to drink , i think i'd turned a corner .

Bestwishes, M

forabetterlife

You are right Tabasco. I think in the beginning reading everything I could about addiction was such a comfort to me because I finally felt so not alone, and that what I was going through and feeling was pretty typical. It was an eye opener to me to read in a book or here on SR, something that someone else wrote about their feelings about drinking that sounded just like me. But now I wonder if I am overthinking it all and I just need to simplify the whole thing to ...I cannot drink anymore.

I never really understood the importance of that first drink. It all starts there.

visch1

Hi. When I first TRIED to stop drinking a lot of my thoughts were similar to yours. Being around AA It was said that our emotional growth stops when we started drinking. I never thought I drank that much until the last 6-10 years before stopping at around 40 but when examining it, that age bracket of the late teens seemed to have stunted me. Was also told and since found out that the biggest reason for drinking was escape from my feelings. Stopping is easy, staying stopped is still a work in progress. Too many people have the idea that when they slip they'll stop again. Far too many can't or won't make it because no one can predict what will happen when we pick up that first drink. I was also told to think about NOT drinking. BE WELL

visch1

I was taught "I cannot drink in SAFTY." which didn't seem as overwhelming as forever or anymore. BE WELL

soberclover

I remember being stuck in the hell of drinking/not drinking/drinking/not drinking....it was awful. It took quite a journey and a lot of loss on that journey for me to realize that I cannot drink...ever. Yeah, the one day at a time approach is better thinking on some days so I don't get lost in the vastness of NEVER drinking again. However, for me, I need to stay focused on the reality that I cannot drink again. The consequences are too severe and the longer I stay sober the more I realize I don't want to lose what I do have. I have to figure out why I want to "check out" when I'm having a craving. Then I need to do something about it.