New, Confused and Looking for Guidance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 11
New, Confused and Looking for Guidance.
I'll be honest, I'm not sober..but I want to be.
The biggest hurdle for me is the people I know, the people in my past and my family, and how they will view me. I've thought about just not telling anyone and seeing if they will notice and I doubt that most of them will but its the ones that will notice that terrify me.
I've quietly been in a rehab program before and, while I denied it at the time to myself and to everyone that knew since it happened, it did change me. I've felt a constant connection to my personal counselor but I've failed to continue the sobriety that I had for 8 months, 4 years ago.
I'm looking for answers, and maybe I won't get them, maybe I will, but I wanted to reach out to a solid community of strong individuals who have come together as a team without the stigma of AA, even though I contemplate going every day.
I fear my life will not be the same without alcohol, and the people I know, and have known, will not look at me the same. Can anyone with similar circumstances provide any insight into the future of someone like me?
The biggest hurdle for me is the people I know, the people in my past and my family, and how they will view me. I've thought about just not telling anyone and seeing if they will notice and I doubt that most of them will but its the ones that will notice that terrify me.
I've quietly been in a rehab program before and, while I denied it at the time to myself and to everyone that knew since it happened, it did change me. I've felt a constant connection to my personal counselor but I've failed to continue the sobriety that I had for 8 months, 4 years ago.
I'm looking for answers, and maybe I won't get them, maybe I will, but I wanted to reach out to a solid community of strong individuals who have come together as a team without the stigma of AA, even though I contemplate going every day.
I fear my life will not be the same without alcohol, and the people I know, and have known, will not look at me the same. Can anyone with similar circumstances provide any insight into the future of someone like me?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Quantum superposition
Posts: 46
I'm not sure what you are saying jameson. Are you saying that people will look at you in a negative way if you are not drinking? If that's the case, then you don't need to be around those people anyways. Anybody that cares should be happy for you if you quit. Or are you worried what people will think if they know you are an alcoholic? You don't have to tell people you are an alcoholic or anything. You can just say you decided to put down the drink.
Maybe you shouldn't worry so much about what people think of you.
sorry if I'm no help. I couldn't really understand what exactly you were trying to communicate.
Maybe you shouldn't worry so much about what people think of you.
sorry if I'm no help. I couldn't really understand what exactly you were trying to communicate.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Anyone I knew who knew me fairly well knew I had a problem and if you really do have a problem I am sure they know it.
I would think they would be happy you are getting help unless they are a bunch of prideful snobs and to embarrassed to say they know an alcoholic.
Either way, this is your life . What do you want to do about it?
Drink yourself to death to be a people pleaser or get sober, healthy and happy. Sorry little harsh but it's true. You need to take care of yourself and yourself only. No one else will.
I would think they would be happy you are getting help unless they are a bunch of prideful snobs and to embarrassed to say they know an alcoholic.
Either way, this is your life . What do you want to do about it?
Drink yourself to death to be a people pleaser or get sober, healthy and happy. Sorry little harsh but it's true. You need to take care of yourself and yourself only. No one else will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
hhjamesonThanks for posting but I'm a bit confused too...i'm not being negative about your post...I appreciate it and hope you can get sober.
Hard to state this clearly: the stigma we talk about is usually being alcoholic...and not that AA has a stigma. AA/NA/rehabs have a very positive reputation. A recovering addict is welcomed by society.
Before I entered the doors of AA and NA family, friends, and neighbors knew I had a very serious problem, and were very relieved when they found out I was recovering.
Seriously.
By living sober you will find new friends, rekindle old friendships, and family life improves.
Your life will change if you stop drinking and live a sober life.
What people think of me is not my problem.
sober up my friend...and build your confidence here at SR...you can be of great help to others
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
the plug in the jug
Originally Posted by hhjameson 
I fear my life will not be the same without alcohol, and the people I know, and have known, will not look at me the same.
best not to worry about that
these type of things all work out in time
what is most important is what we think about ourselves today
if I know that my drinking is doing harm in any kind of way
either to myself or others
best for me to get and stay sober
we can't start a new life until we put the plug in the jug
these type of things all work out in time
what is most important is what we think about ourselves today
if I know that my drinking is doing harm in any kind of way
either to myself or others
best for me to get and stay sober
we can't start a new life until we put the plug in the jug
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by hhjameson
I'll be honest, I'm not sober..but I want to be.
The biggest hurdle for me is the people I know, the people in my past and my family, and how they will view me. I've thought about just not telling anyone and seeing if they will notice and I doubt that most of them will but its the ones that will notice that terrify me.
I've quietly been in a rehab program before and, while I denied it at the time to myself and to everyone that knew since it happened, it did change me. I've felt a constant connection to my personal counselor but I've failed to continue the sobriety that I had for 8 months, 4 years ago.
I'm looking for answers, and maybe I won't get them, maybe I will, but I wanted to reach out to a solid community of strong individuals who have come together as a team without the stigma of AA, even though I contemplate going every day.
I fear my life will not be the same without alcohol, and the people I know, and have known, will not look at me the same. Can anyone with similar circumstances provide any insight into the future of someone like me?
The biggest hurdle for me is the people I know, the people in my past and my family, and how they will view me. I've thought about just not telling anyone and seeing if they will notice and I doubt that most of them will but its the ones that will notice that terrify me.
I've quietly been in a rehab program before and, while I denied it at the time to myself and to everyone that knew since it happened, it did change me. I've felt a constant connection to my personal counselor but I've failed to continue the sobriety that I had for 8 months, 4 years ago.
I'm looking for answers, and maybe I won't get them, maybe I will, but I wanted to reach out to a solid community of strong individuals who have come together as a team without the stigma of AA, even though I contemplate going every day.
I fear my life will not be the same without alcohol, and the people I know, and have known, will not look at me the same. Can anyone with similar circumstances provide any insight into the future of someone like me?
First of all, you need to let your pride go and the shame you have towards being an addict.There is no shame in having an addiction and trying to get over it or better your life, but there is shame in sneaking and hiding, thinking you are being so clever, when everyone probably knows already. I had similar fears as you, but I can tell you, it really doesnt matter what they think. You will find out who your real friends are, and who arent............and be better off for it. It is scary venturing into the unknown, but you are obviously not happy now. Its the addicted side of you that fears life without alcohol. Once you get sober, get some time sober established, you will see life without alcohol is freeing, not confining. You get to know yourself more than most people ever do, and you grow strong. You can tackle life's problems with a clear head. Its a wonderful life. It may seem like you are giving something up by not drinking and will become boring, but the reality is........you are freeing yourself and will most likely become more alluring or interesting to people. Drunks are boring, I know from personal experience. You have nothing to lose by giving it a shot, and everything to gain. You dont want to go through life living in shame and sneaking around, that is no fun and it ruins your confidence and how you view yourself.
The way you are living now is actually keeping you feeling alone and isolated. Its exhausting being an alcoholic, I know!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Your fear is one of the most common questions asked here, and it's also one of the most unfounded ones. Honestly, no one that matters to you will care in the least if you stop drinking. In fact, most of them will think more highly of you for taking the effort to better yourself. The only ones that may will view it negatively are drinkng buddies and other alcoholic/problem drinker acquaintances.
And even with all that said, it's mostly irrelevant anyway. Yes, your life will change...and you may lose some drinkng buddies. Bt then again, if all you did was drink with them, you won't have much to talk about anyway!
Believe everyone who says to get sober because its better...because they are right!
And even with all that said, it's mostly irrelevant anyway. Yes, your life will change...and you may lose some drinkng buddies. Bt then again, if all you did was drink with them, you won't have much to talk about anyway!
Believe everyone who says to get sober because its better...because they are right!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 27
I lie
I know what you mean. That was a barrier for me for a long time. But I did an inventory of my drinking and the list was shocking. I was very high functioning, but none the less I had to admit I am an alcoholic. That was strangely liberating.
With friends and family, I lie as I always did about alcohol. Bummer... I don't like it and don't even know if it is right, but it works for me. I say I have been sick, on medication, or another good one is I say my gout is flaring. I do have gout but it is easy to exaggerate and most people get it. In a few social situations people have been shocked and said that is a first for you. But I am finding (I imagine) that most people would like say no thanks like I have started to do
I have only been sober 7 days so I am surely no expert. But because I am not drinking I took a long bike ride with my daughter tonight.
Because I am not drinking I have much less to worry about.
Because I am not drinking, I have less anxiety, (though I am still sweating like crazy)
I finally admitted to my wife that I wanted to stop drinking but was afraid of failing and how she might view me. That was a huge step.
Now I look forward to waking up in the morning!
In the end I am doing it quietly without fanfare and without huge declarations, I will share as much as people would like to know. You friends will ask validating question until they are satisfied and then support you. Your real friend support you no matter what.
With friends and family, I lie as I always did about alcohol. Bummer... I don't like it and don't even know if it is right, but it works for me. I say I have been sick, on medication, or another good one is I say my gout is flaring. I do have gout but it is easy to exaggerate and most people get it. In a few social situations people have been shocked and said that is a first for you. But I am finding (I imagine) that most people would like say no thanks like I have started to do
I have only been sober 7 days so I am surely no expert. But because I am not drinking I took a long bike ride with my daughter tonight.
Because I am not drinking I have much less to worry about.
Because I am not drinking, I have less anxiety, (though I am still sweating like crazy)
I finally admitted to my wife that I wanted to stop drinking but was afraid of failing and how she might view me. That was a huge step.
Now I look forward to waking up in the morning!
In the end I am doing it quietly without fanfare and without huge declarations, I will share as much as people would like to know. You friends will ask validating question until they are satisfied and then support you. Your real friend support you no matter what.
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