Marjoram

Why can't I get past day # 1?

Nascar at MIS this weekend....drinking, drinking, and more drinking. I thought about it and I said, "maybe next week". I'm crying because I cannot get past day 1.

I'm having a cup of tea and going to bed. I failed again...and I feel like a hypocrite, because I'm not practicing what I preach.

Dangit...I did so well earlier, and now....I found the alcohol in other places.

I didn't talk to my husband and that is my bad.

MIRecovery

Where you failed was going to a drunk fest. You will never get past day one unless you commit to real change

IWillWin

Hi Marjoram - it is quite difficult in early sobriety to attend events focused on drinking. Perhaps it would be good to refuse some invitations to such events until you are more confident in your recovery. I've had to pass up some things I really would have liked to do but knew deep down I was not strong enough to refuse drinks.

Good luck and we are all rooting for you!!!

silentrun

I have 4 months away from the whiskey. Forever access+opportunity=relapse. It takes several weeks if not months to clear out some of the depression. I ran on pure fear at first. I had one of those "moments of clarity" and what I saw carried 3 months. Dump the rest and get yourself some stronger help.

tomsteve

ive been to MIS in sobriety and theres a whole lotta people that DONT drink that go there.
yer gonna find what ya look for. look for dunks, you'll find drunks. loof for sober people, youll find sober people.

but I would highly suggest putting sobriety over a race. better view from yer couch,too.

wiscsober

If you are ill from alcoholism and accept that...then you got to take care of yourself physically....those first few days you have to do every damn thing you can think of to not drink....from nourishment to meeting up with recovery people...if this continues repeatedly you might be well off seeking medical detox or at least getting a check up...you literally have to treat it like life or death

I'm pullling for marjoram......just for today help yourself...I think you know what to do. OK?

Get some sleep too...and just have a light chat with your husband...

Marjoram

I'll learn to pick and choose the events in my life based on what it may have tied to it. Sorry for the thread. It's up to me and each event in my life as to how I handle the alcohol. MIS has many families there that love racing. And they are not drinking. It's not a drunkfest....there is a lot of drinking, but there is also at a lot of weddings I've been to. I'll keep trying.

Anna

You need to make tough choices in the early days. I had to stay away from alcohol and people drinking for many months. It will be worth it.

Marjoram

I'm not giving up. Goodnight all.

Dee74

I think it can be harder to re-commit to sobriety after a period of drinking again - but it's not impossible

It does mean you have some tough choices and decisions ahead tho Marjoram.

My old drinkers life suited me as a drinker but it was a really bad fit for someone struggling to stay sober.

D

Nighthawk8820

Well, for starters you can try and change your approach. Do know what this is the definition of "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."? Its the definition of the word INSANITY, and that is what you will feel like you are becoming if you keep doing the same approach over and over again. Whatever your plan for sobriety is right now, its clearly not working, so why not change some things up. Change your approach, the way you view yourself, the way you view sobriety, going to AA,whatever you need to to go in with a new plan. Change your daily routine, get in touch with whatever spirituality you follow or hold dear. Does that make sense?

mecanix

Drinking was my habbit . Good times i'd drink , bad times i'd drink , bored times i'd drink .

I put myself into "lockdown" for the first 3 months of my recovery as i wanted to have a solid non-alcohol routine figured out before i slowly reintroduced other stuff and evaluated it .

Being able to walk down the alcohol aisle in the supermarket without feeling good or bad feelings was one of the first signs to myself i was on the mend .

I treated it like any other killer malady . good luck

Bestwishes, M

Nuudawn

Aw hon...I'm so sorry you're twistin' in the wind. As echoed by others, probably not the best choice for Day 1. Quitting is hard ..and something like that is choosing a mountain to climb with a broken leg. On Day 3 of my sobriety I had to attend a staff party (I don't think I would have had the where-with-all to attend it on Day 1). I had some time to plan for me. I went..and told everyone I was on anti-biotics so couldn't drink. No big hooha..no raised eyebrows or pushing for me to drink. You didn't fail..your plan (or lack thereof) did.

Marjoram

The Nascar event is this weekend. We had it locked in since February. We camp in the "old people" section because the inside track camping is just too crazy. I just don't get into that. This is a big highlight of our summer as I've been enjoying racing since I was a child. We have lots of great food, and hang out with some very dear friends.

I think that's what set me off yesterday was how will I be able to do it? But, you know, there are so many people there not drinking as tomsteve stated - more than people realize. And there are some there that are the type that can handle drinking for a day or a couple days, then they go back home and it's back to the normal. But, I know that is not possible for me. I have to focus on the good that I see, and try to stay focused.

I'm going, and I'm taking lots of water, Gatorade, and I have a healthy fruit smoothie I love to make. I won't have internet, so I won't have any of you to go to support. I have to take the bull by the horns and ride this out. I know in my heart if I can do this, there's no reason I can't get through just an ordinary day.

I believe since making this decision a few days ago, it is that inner voice making me "depressed". Everything in my life has had alcohol involved, and it's like burying a good friend. But, it's not a good friend. I agree that when I say "I will never drink again", that voice starts bringing me down. And it does. That's what happened. So, today, when I start thinking about it, I have to take that mindset and change it immediately, or it will drag me down.

Above all, I need to talk to my husband. I know he'll help me through this, as well. And I know I can do it alone, but I can do it much better with him, and the support of people like all of you.

I feel like a fish out of water right now, but I'll find my way back to the pond and feel refreshed again.

juststopit

Marjoram,

Maybe you can carry a list in your pocket of all the reasons not to drink? That has helped me a few times when camping (big trigger for me). Do your friends know you are trying to quit?

Marjoram

juststopit - THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!! I'm a list person. I will try that. It's kind of making me laugh, because all my friends and family know how organized I am, that who would have thought?

My friends do not know. In fact, my friends have no idea with the exception of one, who helped me through the last time I worked on sobriety. She doesn't realize that I'm back to my old ways because we don't see each other often. She was horrified when I told her I was an alcoholic last time...she never saw it. When we would have yard parties, I would drink, but I hid it enough that people didn't see how bad it really was. Or that it was daily when no one is around. I plan on recruiting her again and letting her know where I'm at.

I really need to start with my husband, and I hope I can get the courage to do it tonight.

A list - that is genius! Thank you, that's making me smile from ear to ear. I'll draw up a list today to keep myself busy when I get home after work. I have to leave in about 1/2 hour, and gone for about 4-1/2. So, I will do it then.

visch1

Hi and good luck. I said a prayer for you. I say a lot that if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN. For me a head full of AA and a belly full of booze is a very bad combo. What I know now about getting sober, I would not go. But what do I know being an f..t with + 30 years. BE WELL

Dee74

how are you doing Marjoram?

D

Marjoram

It's 6:14 p.m. in Michigan, and so far so good. I battled that worst time of my day which is 4:00 or so. I think I may have my first official day 1 beat. It will have been 24 hours as of about 8:30 p.m. this evening.

I did tell my husband I'm not drinking this weekend. But, first I'm not drinking today. We didn't go into a great discussion, because he got called into work. Ugh....but this is probably good because it's giving it a chance to sink in for him. He knows we drink too much, but he just doesn't realize how much I've been hiding it again.

Anyway....I wanted to let those of you that helped me through last night, that I'm doing okay today. Way better than yesterday.

Hugs to you all. I'm not giving up!!!