Mrbeagle

I really don't know why I do this. Woke up this morning and the options were to either carry on drinking for another day to make the withdrawals go away, or stop and buckle down. I chose the latter option.

A 6ft guy crying uncontrollably to his mother and other half isn't where I imagined my life heading. Every minute seems to last hours at the moment. My life is unmanageable when I drink, this has to be the last time I feel like this, please.

least

Get back up and get going again. You're not defeated until you let yourself be. You can do this!

ScottFromWI

What kind of program/plan are you trying to follow to stop Drinking MrBeagle? It may be time for a change if it's not working.

Mrbeagle

I've been on and off with Smart and AA, but I really need to commit. Can't do this on willpower alone.

fantail

Welcome back MB. You can do this. I agree with Scott... Once you get through the worst of it physically, sounds like it's time to figure out your next steps. For now though, take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

Mvngon

Hi Mrbeagle,

I'm really glad to see that you're giving yourself another chance. You deserve it!

In my experience, I got to a point where I had to accept that there was nothing going on in my life that could possibly be improved by my drinking. This helped me to give up the drinking part of my illness, and that was the first step for me. One step at a time...

I know that you can find it within yourself to choose a road to recovery because that's what you want. I had to open my heart and mind to a new way of doing things because my old way wasn't working. There are lots of tools and techniques available to you here, and loads of support. This can be the last time that you feel like this, if that is what you truly want, and I believe you do.

Best to you Mrbeagle! Things can only get better from here.

MV

Mrbeagle

Thanks Fantail, just need to get through today and then I can begin to plan my recovery once again.

Nuudawn

"I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself."

Holy cow does your signature line resonate with me. I'm quite certain its the roots of self-hatred we gotta get at to lick this. You're mom and other half love you..why don't you? You are a cyber stranger but man, my energy just wants to give you a big hug and tell you..yes, you can! You are worth it. You are an important part of this world community and you have something to give to it...sober. I'm certain of it. I don't know why..I just am.

Mrbeagle

Thanks for your kind words Nuudawn, accepting all the cyber hugs I can get at the moment!

Made it through the morning anyway, 8pm here now, still feel really ill but tomorrow is a new day. I will do this, I don't do giving up. I've got so much to give and I'm tired wasting my life and emotions on this drug.

Nuudawn

Ditto beagle!!! Just get through today. I'm trying real hard to just focus on the day or moment at hand...staying in control of that..because THAT's all I have. I want to be sober every moment I have at hand.

lifetplant

Mr B, remember me, i'm from March. You can do this, you're still so young. I remember how strong and happy you seemed after you completed your assignment. I'm not one to talk, I fell at a couple of hurdles. I've had a bad day today and the next couple of weeks or months for that matter are looking bleak but today i've barely left this site. It is a good place to be, I have never felt so supported. You can do this Mr B

forabetterlife

Lifeplant and Beagle, I remember both of you from March. What's important is that we aren't giving up. I know that a life of sobriety is what I need to keep working toward. We all deserve that for ourselves:

Mrbeagle

Lifet and forabetter I remember you both well and really do appreciate your replies.

Night time here now, gonna try sleep as I'm exhausted. My anxiety is so bad however I'm not sure it will come. What I won't do is drink. Managed half a banana, not up to much else yet.

Hoping a switch has been flicked this time. Staying sober isn't easy, but without wishing to sound melodramatic, today has been a living nightmare. I'm better than this. I will do this

Hoping for a peaceful night, but reassured that I have hundreds of like minded individuals here. I love this community, I'd love to give something back in the long run

SoberForMySon

Dont forget us in June! Class won't be the same with you lose you! HUGS to you! In chat now if you can't sleep

Nonsensical

This addiction is a sunnuvabytch, isn't it?

Feel better and be back here tomorrow, Buddy. We are going to whip this thing.

Dee74

Sorry to see you're still struggling Mr B.
I definitely think changes are called for - I really hope you decide to follow through.

It's really true what they say - you never need to feel this way again

D

Marcher13

Mrbeagle, another March classmate here. You know you can do this and I know you can do this, all this needs is one committment from you -- not to drink again, then one day at a time you don't drink. The sobriety road is a good one, it's fun, it's full of better health and good things happening, the anxiety falls away, not even one drink is worth all of this. I'm holding my hand out to you.

Northlander

Hey Buddy - another Marcher here to let you know you can do this.

Nighthawk8820

For some people, it takes a few tries. Think of how you have tried it thus far, and try and pinpoint why it failed. You cant keep trying the same exact thing and think the results will be different. I sense your desperation for change, and I really feel for you man. Being caught in that horrible cycle day after day is horrible, and I remember it well. The thing is, it can get better but you have to try something new. Whatever you are doing now is clearly not working for you, and that is okay, but you have to recognize this and try something else. I tried a few things till I "struck gold" as my dad calls it. For me, I had to really look inside myself and ask why I did what I did, what was I scared of, and what I was honestly willing to do to get out of the cycle. Then I made a plan, got back in touch with my higher power, which isnt something some people are all about, but i worked for me. I prayed and begged, and then I took a whole week off and detoxed at my moms house. It was Mothers day, 2011 and I havent drank since. I changed everything from my friends, my contacts on facebook, my routine, got a new job, and just kept forcing myself to do everything I was scared of or that made me uncomfortable. As anxious as that made me, it wasnt nearly as bad as when I would wake up hungover, shaking, sweaty, and feeling like I died or wanted to. I stopped putting myself down and I stopped living in the past. Our pasts are part of us, but they dont need to define who we are presently or who we Strive to become.

Rethink your recovery strategy, research all you can on your addiction, and try again.

Grungehead

Hey Mrbeagle I've been there too...crying like a baby to parents and gf. I am learning that my life is unmanageable even after I quit drinking. I have to work on that part or I will drink again. Right now just ride out the w/d's until your your head clears and then get back into a recovery program and ask for help. I have found that looking at someone in the eyes and asking for help is a humbling experience...but I got a lot of relief by just doing that...knowing I don't have to face this problem by myself.