Day 1 again and exhausted
 

On day 1 again for the umpteenth time and am exhausted. Boredom is and has always been my problem. Nothing I do or try to do kills the time like drinking. It is not even drinking so much as boredom and pointlessness. Dont want to go to AA but being on my own drives me mad.

I drank for a lot of years Kza - I had no idea how to entertain myself without drinking.

I had to learn tho.

Think about hobbies and interests - if you don't have any...find some.

There's so much each of us can do with our lives - yo know as well as I do man - drinking through boredom is really one of the weakest excuses we have, Kza.

D

I'm not currently attending AA...and I have one week sober. I did go to AA back in 2007 when I put 8 months of sobriety together. I lived across the country at that time with very little support. I was broken, defeated and scared and AA was there with open arms. I have some reasons for not going to AA right now...but I sure as heck am not ruling it out should I be going out of my mind and need to talk to someone ..and want to drink. I might just drive to a neighboring town to do so...and I might just "audit" the meeting. I might just want to see some people and listen to their stories. I don't have to talk or say a thing. I don't have to go back...but if it will stop me from drinking..darn rights I'll go. I'm open to anything to keep me sober.
People heal a whole lot faster with an understanding community..wherever you find it. I'm just saying it's an option...and you don't have to sign a paper or anything to say you're going to come back or do 12 steps or get a sponsor.
Maybe you'll stay..maybe you won't. Maybe you'll just take what you need a leave the rest.
Staying open is a good thing.

yes but I am weak. If I wasn't weak, I wouldn't be in this mess.

Boredom is a HUGE thing you will have to overcome. We have all struggled with it because so much changes when you set the bottle down. Alcoholism takes up a LOT of time, so you need to find things to replace this. Do you smoke? You could take up Vaping.......Im even on a forum for it. You get the nicotine and the juices are tasty as hell, but no cancer causing effects, bad smells, 2nd hand harm to pets or people, or any of the other 4000 chemicals in ciggs. Its a hobby of mine now, and I love ordering new things and getting them in the mail. Its a big thing, so if you wan to, check out vaping or the Ecig forum, its not based on those little eciggs, but more about vaping.

You also have to find hobbies. Think of things you used to enjoy doing before alcohol became a focal point in your life. For me, I love cars. I love modding them and cleaning them (my own, not other peoples, lol). I love to work out and am into fitness. I love nature and being out in the wilderness or spending time with animals. After you get some sobriety under your belt, you could think of adopting a nice pet. They are great when you are lonely. The key is you have to be proactive in seeking out other hobbies. One of my sober buddies went to the extreme and is a marathon runner, in tough mudder, sky dives, and rock climbs.

The excuse may be weak but I'm not saying you are :)

I think generally we're all amazingly strong, determined and stubborn - it's not easy living an alcoholics life.

We;re addicted, not weak - it's a different thing.

Imagine if we turned our strength and stubborness to not drinking?

Maybe that's what you need to do Kza?

D

And do what? I wish I was one of those people who have a passion or an interest but I don't. I even admire religous extremists because at least they have something. I have nothing. Oh except drinking.

[QUOTE=Nighthawk8820;4008146]

You also have to find hobbies. Think of things you used to enjoy doing before alcohol QUOTE]

Before? I have been drinking since I was 16.

How old are you now Kza?

I got you beat by 3 years .. been drinkin since I was 13, I am 42 & I hate it :( Not to be rude; but every post of support and help You have shot down , Do you REALLY want to stop ?? just asking in my tears lol

None of us can give you hobbies or interests, Kza.

I spent decades being bottle fed by booze.
I had no imagination, no motivation, but I knew I had to make an effort because that was a way out.

I decided it was time to go out looking for positive healthy stimulation.

I needed purpose and meaning more than entertainment, but everyone's different.

Give it some thought :)

D

i am 43. I both want to stop and not want to stop at the same time.

It was the fact that drinking was my HOBBY that started to disgust me the most. There's a whole world out there people enjoy stone cold sober. I don't know how they do it..but darn it I'm going to give it a whirl. People do stuff! They accomplish things..they zipline, they play tennis, they write songs and play guitar, they rollerblade, they do mixed martial arts, they snowboard, they jump out of planes, they paint pictures, they read...in this great big huge freaking world ..there's gotta be something out there you might just find you like.

But everything I do that does not involve drinking is just killing time until I drink.

If you don't want to quit, you won't.
To be honest, I didn't really want to until something happened last Sunday...
I had one reason the morning I woke up and decided to. I had drove drunk the day before. I had drove drunk (blackout drunk) a few weeks before and vowed to never again. I didn't know how drunk I drove until I saw the evidence of a trip through a drive-thru for a hamburger the night before. I had NO recollection of driving, going through a drive-thru, obviously ordering food, paying..yadda yadda. I didn't quit that morning (WTF?)...but I didn't think I would drive again..and I did. Something in my bones tells me, if I do it again..I'm going to kill someone else..somebody's child or mommy or daddy..and freaking live to know I did so (killing myself doesn't scare me in that sense).

So that morning I had one reason..as this week progessed..I had more and more and more. It was like one spot of light that morning that just kept getting brighter and brighter all week..to damn near blinding.

Kza..if I had a wish for you it would be for you to have a compelling reason to quit...cuz darn it, you need one.

I have been through all the reasons:

Drink driving
Getting fired
Problems with police
Sister not speaking to me after drunken phone calls
Health
Crappy lonely life
etc etc

Does it still feel like a crappy lonely life sober? Based on the tone of your answers..I'm thinking maybe that's how you're feeling. My life's been pretty crappy lonely too..and I just figured out its BECAUSE I'VE BEEN DRINKING my way through it...NOT DEVELOPING OUTSIDE INTEREST AND HOBBIES.

I'm only a week in here myself Kza. I wish I had an answer that resonated with you.
Why did you quit today?

I quit yesterday but then decided that as I had drunk until 1 or 2 am that I couldnt quit yesterday and that I should have a last drink yesterday but stop before midnight. I think I stopped drinking before midnight last night but cant remember much after 9 pm. I want to stop because I am sick of it all.

Completely understand. I really wanted to embrace AA but I can't. I find it more depressing than drinking and watching TV. Ill start again tomorrow but nothing will change. Tomorrow ill just lie in bed all day because I'm broke. It's boredom that's the major factor. If u have no friends any more and no job and hobbies are not possible in real misery. Sick of hearing that. Get a hobby. You have to be somewhat well to start hobbying. Addicts either die or eventually get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe tomorrow will be that day for u.

Sick of what specifically? The first day sucks Kza. Just hang on til tomorrow. I have felt better with each passing day. Not to say I wasn't crying and pretty "wah wah" all day through day 4...but I knew the next day would be completely different..and it was.