BabyJane

As with many people in early recovery, I am slowly digging myself out if the ruble of my past mistakes. Part of this means getting my finances back on track, however, each time I sit down to go through bills and accounts I get so stressed out I want to relapse! Money is tight and I'm just barely making it work some months... I feel like it will never be better. I live with this impending doom. I don't want to be so negative and I know these things take time but how do I learn to face my money stuff head-on and stop being afraid of failure and ending up in poverty? I know when I was using and drinking, I was actually worse off, but I was usually too messed up to care. Now I'm sober and I do care but it literally makes me tear up opening bills some days. What am I doing wrong here? Not handing it over to HP? Not being responsible? I don't spend a lot on things I don't need. Almost everything goes to bills, rent, car, insurance and necessities like groceries and medical care. I go out to eat maybe once or twice a month. I buy all my clothing used. I'm really trying I just don't make a ton by Sothern California standards and I need to go back to school to finish my last semester of college but that's proven difficult too with my schedule. The jobs I have to choose from are usually paying just enough to keep my head above water... Sorry to be so down I'm just struggling today. I hate this.

Sinderos

I've been putting off opening a letter from the IRS for 3 days. I totally understand where you're coming from. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

Dee74

Hi Jane - for a long time I was on installment plans with my creditors - I arranged with each of them to pay off what I could.

It took a while, & i really had to be frugal, but I got back in the red - you will too.

don't be afraid to approach your creditors and try and work something out

D

wiscsober

I found at times in my recovery to have a Payee and seek out a certain non-profit financial manager ( a quick google can find them). Financial unmanageability is part of the recovering alcoholic's life. Another aspect of the program is seeking help from others outside of the program, like financial managers, personal coaches, lawyers, doctors, etc.

Get some help with budgeting and rational thought...

Early in recovery I had to make immediate financial amends...but in the 4th/5th I was able to write down my fears and resentments concerning money and debt. It gave me breathing room to work the 8th/9th.

Just recently I went to court over a 30 year debt, yep 30 years, I was at fault, but the judge reduced my monthly payment. Through out recovery I ignored this debt, refused to deal with it, and many times took it on responsibly. Today sober all parties are satisfied.

Again, get some help from certain non-profit agencies and/or legal help.

Best to you....

BabyJane

I just hope they will be nice to me. Especially with my student loans, the people I called last time were not very helpful and told me to go set everything up online, which should have been easy enough, except the website is honestly rather confusing.

I agree though Dee, communicating with them is the trick. If you ignore it, not only does it NOT go away, it gets WORSE. My goal is lessen the fear. I think I act like a child about paying bills. It's almost like I'm thinking, "why do I owe these people money again? I need my money for other things! I should not have to deal with this!"

Except I am an adult and I do have to deal with it, simple as that. I just need to learn how to keep breathing normally when I open my mail. I HATE opening my mail. It's nuts.

BabyJane

Wicsober - I haven't tried this yet. Good idea. I will look into that. Thanks!

Dee74

I used to ignore bills too - thats why it took me so long to dig myself out.
It's way better to open them

D

wiscsober

There are a lot of options for you...even some churches offer programs/classes. I wish I could be more specific ... yes communication is key but you need to know your rights beforehand. Best again

Nighthawk8820

You have to remember it took a long time to dig this hole, so its going to take some time to get out of it. I am at 2 years and am just now filing bankruptcy due to past mistakes. Im not mad about it, even though one of those said mistakes was cosigning as truck for my mom that she let get repossessed. (She had her own addictions at that time, but is better now). The want me to pay them 13,000 dollars 9 years after they repossessed it, and they cleared out my bank account. I look at it as just another way to break free and to start anew. These are the speed bumps on the road to recovery, but they need to be dealt with. They are easier to deal with now, with a clear head though right? So it sucks, but its temporary and as you heal and your confidence goes up, these wont seem like such a big deal as time goes on. They are unpleasant, but life is full of unpleasant things. You need to learn to deal with these things without running to using to make things better, because it never makes it better. You know this deep down, so ignore those pesky addict thoughts and press on. Tomorrow is a new day!

Nighthawk8820

Oh yes, always ask for help and do not let your pride get in the way. There is no place for pride in recovery, because it hold you back I have found. Confidence and self esteem are different than your ego or pride. I am getting my bankruptcy filed for free (minus the filing fee) through an organization I found and called, even though I was nervous. I had to be proactive and go after what I wanted, and there is help available to you if you go look for it.

Nighthawk8820

I ignored a lot of things, and it has really taken me some time now to sort everything out. I have found its best to be proactive and to just face things head on now, right away. I try and not procrastinate. It helps a ton. Good post!

trikyriky

I don't know your state but in Pennsylvania there is , Catholic Charities . Worth Googling. As addicts we let things go then you ended up borrowing off Peter to pay Paul so to speak. On payday I always wiggle waggled a bill or two so I could use . After years of this I'm buried in debt, which in turn , creates stress, which in turn , so on and so forth. You know whats next.

BrokenBottles

I just wanted to say good luck. I have some pretty bad financial problems, too.

CODPlayer

black :o)

sugarbear1

I opened my bills and contacted the places one by one and worked out deals. A little bit keeps adding up and they are now being addressed. I sleep better today.

You aren't alone in this situation!

Hugs,
~SB

1stthingsfirst

Jane,

Thank you so much for you post; I thought I was the only one! This is my main triggering issue as well. I dried up in April but had 2 relapses because I was stressed about finances and that caused a lot of interpersonal stress that turned into a couple blackout nights.

I have a very well-paying at home job and was just not working very much because of my drinking. My husband makes good money, but I also need to work, living in So Cal is expensive! Most of all, I made some really poor money decisions over the last 3 years mostly due to drinking and resulting financial neglect. I am getting back to work and slowly trying to dig myself out. Trouble is, I am so distracted by anxiety that I am not working as much or as fast as I need to.

It is so aggravating to be at this point in my life where I cannot understand where all of our hard-earned money goes. With our incomes, our family should be in a very,very different place financially. It is like we have been living like teenagers for the last 20 years. Yikes!!!

Being sober helps, but then again, it doesn't help. I realize for the first time how dire our situation is and how I have wasted so much time doing nothing to ensure stability in our family and our future.

Whew! That felt good to get off my chest. Hang in there!!! I hope we will make it out of the mire soon...

-first