Questioner

May I start by saying that all the input so far has been invaluable. I thank everyone for your time and thoughts, regards my initial post. Last night I showed my wife this post and the replies given. It provoked a discussion, which was useful. Today I spent a 210 mile round trip on my own, giving me plenty of time to consider what I said in my initial post and the replies given and my wife's comments. So I trawled the deepest depths off my mind asked questions of myself and tried to be as honest as possible based on me and the answers and comments from you here and my wife. So in no particular order of how I thought of them apart from question 1. Here they are with my own honest answers.

1. Am I physically addicted to alcohol?

No. I do not wake up needing a drink nor do I think about needing a drink, nor do I have withdrawal symptoms.

2. Am I emotionally addicted to alcohol?

Most likely. I do look forward to a drink when I have the opportunity and certainly like to have one on a Friday.

3. Do I become annoyed when my wife tells me no you cannot have a drink.

Yes, because I cannot see why if I have not been drinking all week I should not be able to have one.

4. Is one drink defined as a pint or or one bottle of wine.

That depends on the situation.

5. Am I greedy with alcohol.

Yes, if it's there then why buy a bottle of wine and not drink it.

6. Is my past behaviour a reason for my wife to be worried?

Probably, but since I met her my consumption has plummeted.

7. Is she controlling?

Yes and No. She knows what I was like when she met me and what her ex was like so she does not want a repeat, but at the same time I know myself, so yes she is.

8. In my past did I drink like a fish?

Yes, and did I hide it? No? I have never done anything I am ashamed of due to drink.

9. Did I drink to be sociable? Absolutely

10. Did I come onto this site because in the back of my mind I have worried wether I am an alcoholic or not?

Yes. I am 49 now and from age 19 to 20 I drank every day. From 20 to 28 ish I would drink 3to4 times a week.

11. In London did I drink excessively?

Yes

12. Is my wife correct to say I am greedy with alcohol?

Yes. When I go out with friends without her I drink till I run out of money, but so do they and I have never been embarrassed the next day about what happened

13. Is alcohol a daily thought in my head.

No

14. Am I fooling myself regards my problem?

Not sure. I am not physically addicted

15. Is it right that if on a Thursday night I know I am driving on Saturday and cannot drink, I decide well I shall have a drink on Thursday instead. Does the ensuing, no from my wife and me sulking make me alcoholic.

Possibly

I did have other questions and answers but tired

So that's me as we speak

sugarbear1

why not try not drinking for about 6 months?

if it's easy, then it's all good

if it's not easy to live without drinking, there may be a problem

no matter what, I wish you well!

Crossfitdad

Hey Questioner: I don't think I am physically addicted to booze, but I do think I liked it too much and it became too much of life. I never drank crazy like my friends. I never acted a fool. I always score low on those alcohol screening tests. But, i realized that somehow it had a hold on me. I couldn't...and still can't...imagine never drinking again. I really ******* like ice cream...even more than I like the taste of beer. If you were to tell me I could never have ice cream again because it was killing me or making me miserable, I'd probably have no problem with that. I've never been on an overeaters website because I don't have a problem. But, you are here.

I hope you find your answers.

Deckard

Questioner, I really support the way you are addressing this, being honest with your wife and asking yourself these questions. It seems your screen name really is appropriate! Keep thinking and posting here. We all want to help.

Questioner

Talking to my wife tonight. She has said if I had a glass of wine every night she would have no problem. My point is I do not want to do that but appreciate 3 glasses once a week. She has made a valid point, that if I was feeling that way out and there where two bottles in the house then I would drink them. Not sure that's true, on all occasions, but could be now and again. At least it's talking

Questioner

But when I asked further regards my drinking the shutters went up and it went back to the old i am nasty when I drink. I pointed out I am not. But what I resent is being critisesed when I have a drink, no matter how little it is

Anna

I think that is the issue. A 'normal' drinker would be fine with a glass of wine a day. An alcoholic would be frustrated at that idea.

doggonecarl

Your wife says you are nasty when you drink, and you don't believe it?
Don't invalidate other people's perceptions of our behavior. The easiest person to fool is ourselves.

It seems that what drinking is doing to you, how is makes you act, is the crux of the issue.

Like Sugarbear suggested, go 6 months, a year without drinking. If you struggle, you need to look no further than that.

Mrbeagle

Glad you talked to your wife and showed her this post Questioner, I truly believe discussion is the solution to your problem.

All the best
B

ElegantlyWasted

Lying alone does not an alcoholic make. Are there any consequences from your drinking other than arguing with the wife?

"brought up the incidents of 16 years ago"

Try some marriage/relationship counseling? Hope you wife is well after her hospital stay.

Lionhearted1

If you don't think your an alcoholic chances are your not!!! because 99.9% of alcoholics know they are!!

I know people who would ace the aa questionnaire but are they alcoholic or heavy drinkers only they know that!

Your consumption IMO is low and medically if your drinking under the uk guidelines you have no course to worry about alcohol based issue!

Spinach

Not sure we are the best to help as most here have or live with people with drink problems.
Your problem may well be your wife! If so which one would you prefer to lose a drink once or twice a week or your long term there every day wife with heightened alcohol awareness.
Sounds like you both need to talk because if your drinking ever did spiral your already in the denying and hiding mode due to her increased perception or even your denial?
Oh and eight or nine pints is a lot on a night for someone who doesn't drink regularly you may be controlling your drink but can your wife remember a time when you didn't and is worrying about that coming back.
If your wife wasn't there what would the drinking be !
Think you've both got room to change but I hope if your drinking got out of hand you would try to stop and she could be constructive.
Regards John.