head demons yep I know them, when you are so hungover that you close your eyes and all sorts of madness starts running through your head you feel like you may do something terrible at any point and you wont be able to stop yourself...

alcohol is some mad stuff its amazing how much it effects us humans yet we keep at it...

thank god I don't have to drink again..

I am going to start a list of all the amazing quotes people come up with! Love this one!

Congrats on 2 weeks alphaomega. That is awesome!

Thank you alpha for sharing your story. I relate to so much of it. I'm happy you are doing better now. Hugs.

I can not believe this was me just 4 short months ago. I have had 4 slips in that 16 weeks that taught me a tremendous amount regarding this disease.

Never going back to this no matter how hard it can feel at times.

There isn't a single morning that I have woken up sober, that I have regretted.

Rather than mornings filled with the angst described above, I sit with my coffee, pour through the SR threads and contemplate what wonder today will bring.

Never going back. Ever.

Wow. What a great reminder of the living hell we were in while drinking. I hadn't read this post earlier and being on day 63 I am feeling good but that AV is starting to creep and tell me that it really wasn't that bad....you could probably have just one... But your post shut that voice up! Remembering all that stuff makes me so grateful for my clear mind and boring, simple days:) Thank you for posting that again!

Alpha. You are doing wonderfully. It is amazing what a little time can do for our lives. Congrats Alpha!

Thanks alphaomega. That's a reminder I needed today :)

Alpha, thank you for all your thoughtful posts. You have tirelessly shared your recovery experience with us. So glad you are here Chicago sister!

Yours,
Cas

I must have still not thought two bottles of wine were a lot because my last slip, 3 weeks ago, I tried to make that formula work again.

Shocker, it didn't. But I was no where near prepared for where that slip took me mentally.

I might of scared myself into sobriety. Which is fine because nothing else seemed to be working. But this last 2 bottles flipped a switch in my brain and from that moment on, nothing would ever be the same. It took five days of sheer hell to dig me out from that slip. And, I can beyond a shadow of a doubt, declare that if I drink again, it will own me.

But here's some good news.

My brain is healing. I'm able to do things I haven't done in decades, comfortably.

Like drive and the big one, go out for a meal and not want to fall over from anxiety and dizziness. I had the most lovely and laughter filled dinner with my daughter tonight. And I got to just be a regular mom, hanging out, giggling, cracking jokes, helping her with teenage angst, and just being ALIVE and present.

It was so joyful.

I'm starting to feel, dare I say, "normal"?
Scratch that, I don't want to be normal.

I'll just take being ALIVE and WELL as all the normal I need.

XO AO

Alpha.... I'm in the Windy City as well. Lol. I just wanted to thank you for your inspiration. You totally nailed the utter insanity of this beast! I think I literally scared myself as well into sobriety. In my "last drunk" I had a total mental/emotional break down.

Ao
I'm happy you had this day. Told ya you are a fighter enjoy your just rewards!

Beautiful! What a lovely celebration for you!

So happy you are ALIVE and WELL, and I hope you are never normal, it would be a huge loss to humanity! :)

Congrats AO!

Thank you for the post! I drank the same exact same way and read this thread the first time you posted it. Why I continually think one bottle (even that is far from normal) will be enough is beyond me. Then comes the second trip to the store for the second one drinking alone till that one is gone and can hopefully pass out. Just a lovely way to live. Next day is exactly as you describe it. Anyways needed to read this today. Staying sober with SR more days than ever before but still want to just be done for good. Day 2 today. Maybe this will be it.
:tyou

My favorite drinking activity was sneaking into the kitchen the next morning to see just how many bottles I deemed appropriate the night before and then sneaking into the garage to check the recycle bins in case I forgot any . . . . so sickening!

AO, I love, love, love your posts and your spirit!! I, too, had moments of unbridled joy today. It felt so good. I hope this means that the alcohol fog is finally dissipating and these moments will be many for all of us experiencing sobriety for the first time in a long time. :)

I love your spirit, AO!

Well said. Thank you for sharing. The workplace strugleS and stifling anxiety are some of the things that have led me here. Thank you.

Wow, you ARE me. Well, you WERE. So grateful this post got bumped. Thank you.

AO, as always, loved your most recent post. Always thoughtful, moving and insightful (everything that the Beast is not).

It's jarring to go back and see ourselves right? How much we've changed in some ways, how hard it is still to fight the relentless, thoughtless, brutal, cunning, horrible Beast we have inside.

I'm impressed by the conviction with which you speak. Stay strong Midwestern sister. We're gonna beat this thing.