cemam

I am a 63 year old daughter of an alcoholic father. To this day, I loathe that aspect of him. He was never physically abusive, but I still hate having had a father I was ashamed of. Now I have to deal with my sister who has followed in his footsteps. I can't stand talking to her if she is drunk. Fortunately she lives in another city. I feel so awful for not wanting to deal with her, but when she is drunk, she pushes all my buttons. Her life is totally messed up. As I write this, I am ignoring phone calls from her. Hopefully I can catch her tomorrow when she is sober. I hope this forum forgives people who just need to rant.

wiscsober

Ceman...first Alanon is a wonderful program of recovery for family of alcoholics. I am a member. I highly suggest that you give their hotline a call and see if you can meet up with some women for a talk and go to a meeting.

Your family members have a disease, but it is of no fault of yours. They need to get medical help.

You need help yourself. I like hundreds here at SR know exactly how you are feeling and thinking.

Simply, their disease is not your problem. I know that is hard to accept. But you need to take care of yourself.

Honestly, eat well, be with friends, don't answer the phone, and seek out people who can help you, not your father or sister, but help you.

Alanon has 3 C's

We didn’t cause it (alcoholism)
We don’t control it
And we can’t cure it

Tell your sister she needs medical help...and that's that...and then seek out your own sanity and serenity....Best to you....pulling for you...OK?

cemam

Thanks. I know this to be true, but I just need to hear it from someone else. I just have to figure out how I can still keep a relationship with the sober part of my sister but protect myself from the alcoholic part. She knows she is an alcoholic, but has a psychiatrist who enables her.
Just being able to talk about it helps.

wiscsober

I understand, but again really this is about you posting here at SR, not your sister or your dad.

I have kept relationships with my addicted sons by working on myself....I no longer have a "need" to fix them or heal them...I am their father but not caretaker...

your sister and father have a lot of other people in their life that can help...be kind to yourself and let go....again give Alanon a try...at least a telephone call...won't hurt and will be much better than talking to someone drunk.

Be kind to yourself...things will work out somehow

least

The only thing you can do for your sister is wish her well. She has to want to change, you can't make her want to. I hope you can find some peace in your life.

We have a forum devoted to friends and family of alcoholics. Take a look and post your questions for more insight.


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information