Husband becoming annoyed with my SRing
 

Well I've made it through 2 months no drinking going strong, not looking back. Now here's my problem my husband is irritated with me being on SR(he doesn't know what site I'm using though) whenever I have free time I'm on here keeps me in check and motivated. I don't do AA and have very little free or me time (MOM)!

He kind of be littles it and was like why are you always reading on your phone?
He was really pissed the other night that I hid my phone when I put the kids to bed. I assured him I wasn't hiding anything it's just that I feel I can be open and honest here. I wouldn't want him reading things I've written. Is that wrong? Quite frankly I feel entitled to keep this place as a me only zone. Im frustrated because SR is working for me but also pissing off my hubby! i really wouldnt feel comfortable with him accessing my account. Am I wrong? Do those of you who are married share this with your spouse?

I do share it with my spouse. But he does get annoyed sometimes I think. He counters by watching Netflix or getting on his iPhone. Lol. Kind of silly. But I can't blame him, since it's time away from him. I just sometimes get up from the computer (or iPhone) and go kiss and hug him. That helps :) He comes over to me at the computer and kisses me too... and that kind of throws me out of the "recovery zone" for the moment and back into the present... which is a good thing (mindfulness)!

Could you tell him that you use a sober forum for support and just don't tell him which one. I am sure he'll start getting paranoid so it's best to be honest but ask him to respect your privacy... Well done on 2 months :) x

I did tell him that it's a sober support system he thinks its odd I talk to strangers about this. But like I said I kinda love it here :) and yes he doesn't know which site

I think it's great that it's your "me" time. Recovery needs to come first, be #1. I think telling him as much as you're willing to is just fine. My husband was skeptical of me spending time with strangers at first, and I'm sure he still is to some degree... i'm sure we have a certain level of unhealthy codependency going on anyway. But as he's seen changes in me, I think he's come to understand it's a good thing... hopefully your husband will get it soon. Actions do speak louder than words, after all.

I share with my wife if she asks questions, I try to be as general as possible.
I think she gets annoyed that I spend too much time on here but it's better than the alternative. I wish our spouses could relate to our problems better. Nobody understands a drunk better than fellow drunks.

Funny thing is he should understand he is was an alcoholic hasn't drank in more then 12 years. But I think he is so long removed from the struggle he doesn't remember or relate to the early struggles. He also didn't go AA quit in his own when diagnosed with a life threatening alcohol induced disease.

You know, my grandfather quit on his own when he was younger. No AA, no program of any kind. It seems it works that way for some, and in fact, from what I've read... spontaneous recovery like that happens and the recovery rate is similar to those that stay sober with AA.

I can't help but notice it's men who are the ones that seem to do fine with that kind of recovery... at least, the few I've known have been men who did it alone. Maybe it's that women are more social creatures anyway, and of course, we have the edge (typically) on emotional intelligence... or at least, we function from a more emotional bent... so it's not surprising to me at all that we would gravitate to a social network :)

I have had a problem with Internet addiction for years and years so yeah, he does get frustrated. I am really trying to curb it a bit lately and have shut down my Facebook but I do spend alot of time on here. I really need to try and find balance. He has read a couple of my posts in here before but I general doesn't ask.

Great points Jenny!

Hey MLC how you feeling? Getting ready for dr?

I'm not too bad. Have not as much pain this morning (it's bearable) so I am going to hold off painkillers like a 'normal' person would (bahahahaha, normal.). I'm jn bed with a coffee still but I will have to get up soon. Hubby and kids are coming to the doctor with me so he can see exactly what she prescribes me.

Good plan

Even Mrs Dee gets a bit irritated....:wall:

I think balance is the key...use us when you need to...and sometimes that will be a lot...but other days it may be better to go and take a walk with hubby or whatever....

my advice is let SR be a part of your life, but not the whole of it :)

D

I think they expect that when you quit drinking they will get all the time and attention you used to devote to using. What they need to understand is that you have to have something positive to replace it with and places like this are what help you stay clean and sober.

My husband knows about SR but would never disrespect me by reading here. He spends time online too for various things, so it's not a problem. To keep this place somewhere that you can 'really' talk, you need to have privacy. And, your recovery needs to be a priority.

At my urging, my wife set up an account here so she could read my posts when I first joined. I would visit unwholesome places on the internet when I was drunk, and I wanted to assure her this wasn't one of those. She may still check it from time to time, but I doubt it. She doesn't understand many of the things we SR members discuss in the way that an addict can understand it - because she's not one.

I don't think she resents my time here. She is a little upset you didn't cure me immediately, though. She thinks there's a magic pill, and you were supposed to be it.

Anna and Dee thanks always great advise! It's funny I always think of you two like the principal and vice principal. Hearing your married and have done of the same everyday struggles is like running into your teacher at the grocery store! :)

I think when I started here SR replaced alcohol in many ways. Thats a good thing. Over time things settled down and there was less "need", and having to strive in a driven way to stay sober, or be in a rush to be better.

Initially I discussed the site with my wife- in general terms it's like going to a group meeting and we learn from others etc. She had seen enough of my drinking and probably would have preferred that I go to AA. So she was happy with the change. Much later on I showed her the site, how big it is and the threads that go on. I did not tell her my screen name and do not discuss with her the people on here. I think over time she is more comfortable with the whole thing.

I now spend maybe 45minutes a day here- and we both think it is time well spent.

One of the last fights I had with my most recent ex was about this exact same thing. I had taken it upon myself to join this group per my own accord and with absolutely no one in this world knowing aside from you guys. I took pride in the fact I guess. I lurked this site for months before actually joining as I wanted to get sober first (silly me not realizing the long term battle ahead). Anyway...she came out one morning and asked what I was doing as I quickly closed my laptop. I am assuming that she thought I was either talking to another girl or maybe looking at something lewd. No matter how many times I assured her that was not the case she refused to accept it. I tried to explain to her that it was personal and meant a great deal to me yet she still insisted. She began crying after some hours so obviously I caved and reluctantly told her what I held to be my last piece of attempting to rebuild myself. I'm still not sure to this day if she believed me. I am so truly sorry you are having to go through this right now. From what I understand every relationship out there has it's issues and trust is always one of the big ones I just wish it did not have to come into play when dealing with this site. Let us have a good secret for once right?

Hmm, I seem to be kind of the minority opinion here, but I would never expect my husband (who is the A in my life) to reveal to me everything he discusses w/his sponsor or talks about in an AA meeting. That is HIS recovery. I would never reveal to him everything I talk about in an Alanon meeting or w/a sponsor, either. That is MY recovery. We owe it to each other to share the results of our respective recoveries as we go along, but not to share each individual thought or conversation. To me, that kind of constant sharing blurs the edges between the individuals involved in the relationship and results in the kind of boundary-less situation that helped to put me, the Alanon gal, in the situation I'm in.

My 2 cents...