josi

I've been severely depressed since my last hospital stay in Oct. for detox. Besides being in detox, I lost my job the day I was suppose to go back to work. I've been out of work up until 2 weeks ago and I don't want to jeopardize my job so I've decided not to drink. I just can't seem to get a control of my depression, even with meds. My AODA counselor has almost given up on me, says I'm not ready and haven't reached that point in my life where I've given up on alcohol. She suggested that I try an online forum so I googled it and that's how I found this site. I'm hoping that by joining I can get out of this rut I'm in or I know I'll be right where I was before detox. I've been drinking on and off since then but I've gone a month and a half without drinking and I still felt the same. I have no ambition, no interest in anything. I was sleeping 12 - 13 hours a day but for the last 2 weeks now I've been getting up earlier and trying to do something different everyday. Still no change. 26 years ago I was in my first inpatient treatment program and I remember that feeling of a fog lifting from around me. This time, I'm here pretty much emotionless one minute or trying to hold back tears the next. I've been dealing with depression, social anxiety, and alcoholism for over 30 years. I'm tired of it and would like to change but everytime I take one step forward it seems like I go back two more.

pawsgal

you've been sober this long already... and working a new job, getting the rest you needed, trying to shake up your routine, feeling your feelings when they come up...I know it's hard to see because you're in the thick of it, but it sounds like you're doing great! Keep going.

Nighthawk8820

Depression and alcoholism go hand in hand. Its a vicious cycle, your down, you drink, you go further down........and then the spiral continues. Once you remove the alcohol, and not just for a few weeks, but for months..........you will feel better and even if you have depression, it will be at a manageable level. Right now, you have two demons working together to keep you feeling so low. I am so sorry and I know depression can be super debilitating. You do not always have to feel this way. Get sober, give it your all and stick with it. I promise you will see some remarkable changes in yourself and your mood.

Maybe your counselor isnt the one for you. They are not all created equal, and some are better at their jobs than others. Ive had therapists that were amazing and I have had some that just weren't a great fit. Its imperative you find one that fits you and what you need. If the one you have now isnt it, then don't be afraid to move on.

least

I hope you start feeling better soon. Alcohol drains us of everything good in our lives. It takes time to learn to live without it. Keep reaching out. You'll find a lot of support right here.

jstar

Welcome josi!

Depression sucks but as said above. ..it will taper down to a more manageable level over time. Alcohol is a depressant so....it'll just make you feel worse to keep drinking.

Have you thought about trying AA? Lots of sober people there who can go through this process with you too...I'm finding I need all the support I can get.

Best of luck & welcome. ..you'll love this site, it's awesome

Living

Never let anyone discourage you. Your doctor might be frustrated, but he/she is not living your life. Continue your fight and get support. Welcome SR!

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR!

Never, ever, ever give up. You can do this!

sugarbear1

Let the tears flow--cry in the shower if you have to. It's ok to feel things today.

That depression can lift, if you stay stopped, but it takes time.

give time time. heal well. have you considered a method for staying stopped to supplement your therapy?

josi

My counselor is great. She says she can't keep seeing me if I'm just going to keep drinking and that I have to be committed to it, which I'm not always. I get the vivitrol shot which lasts a month and instead of sticking to my appointment for the next shot I usually cancel it and drink for a few days and then go back for my shot. Vivitrol is exactly what I need because otherwise I'd be drinking every day again. My counselor also says that I can't just rely on the vivitrol and I know she's right. So right now I haven't been on it for 2 1/2 weeks but I have drank once in that time. This is the reason she says she may not be able to keep seeing me.

josi

Thank you everyone for your advice. It really does help to know other people have been or are in the same situation.