Time and its meaning now
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Time and its meaning now
Hello Peeps.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
You are right on Miz. Congrats on your A and your business. We can do so many more things when sober. Drinking is so selfish and I am learning to think more of others and less of my self. Alcohol really narrowed my thinking. Stay strong!
Big congratulations on your A Mizzuno, and that's fantastic about your new business taking off! (I'm starting the transition from employee to self employed and it's encouraging to hear your story.) I loved reading your inspiring post, ...are we also very grateful to you.
Hello Peeps.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
Thank you for all your support and comfort through my trials and tribulations, celebrations and rantings. I needed all of you, and still do. When I think of my struggles with alcohol, and over the years there has been many, I think of how hard it was to give up the liquid "Friend". I was not done with my experimenting, excusing, rationalizing, justifying, struggling....etc. Today is a different story. I have been banned from the substance. I do not think of drinking and If I do, I think of how terrible it has and will be for me. I think of all that I could lose and all that I have put people through with my alcoholism. No one deserved my behaviors, but most importantly I deserved so much more. Feeling wrecked and hungover everyday was a nightmare. I longed to feel better, but I could not grasp the thought that living without alcohol could be permanent. I could not fathom not drinking. That is until I lost myself and my mental health on a plane in the air one evening. I lost my job, almost lost my marriage, and had to try to walk into the world with a deep humiliation that I have never ever felt before in my life. As much as I regret the situation there is nothing that I can do to change it. I needed to be on that plane wasted and out of my mind. I needed to experience what alcohol really was in my life, so that I could be free of the grip that it had on me.
A few weeks ago I passed my first course in University with an A. I started my own little business and I am started to see that there is lift off. I am focused and determined to make something of myself. A better me. I can look in the mirror and say " Good Work. Your Awesome" ( Who doesnt talk to themselves in the mirror?)
My husband and I no longer argue, and everyday is remembered. I am beginning to trust myself, and my family is trusting me again.
So, this sobriety thing can be difficult if we make it difficult. I am not saying this is easy, but this is far easier than the places that I went to while under the influence, meaning emotional turmoil, confusion, complete absence, overwhelming feelings, a person that I do not know. Sobriety makes sense these days. I am grateful to have learned what I am made of. I am grateful for the endless support from this forum. I know this is one day at a time. I do not have an arrogance thinking that I am exempt from falling down again. I know that I have to work at my sobriety daily, and this is why I wrote a novel for you to read.
I love hearing these uplifting stories of triumph. Way to go on your sobriety and all you are accomplishing and learning. Thank you for this post!
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