Nothing new...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 5
Nothing new...
Hi,
I spent a couple of evening reading many posts and I felt I am not as alone as I thought.
I came from a different country and I grew up in a very happy and "normal" family.
When I got here I found everything so beautiful, the people, the climate, my job.
I have a great job that I enjoy very much and a small but good group of friends.
2 years ago I met HIM, love at first sight, passion, fun, love and more love.
I found the man of my life and he told me he found the love of his life.
After some time of fun I started noticing that what should have been a "once a week" drinking habit was in reality a "once a day" thing.
2 or 3 or 4 (sometimes 8 or 10)beers after work and half/one bottle of wine at dinner, actually while cooking.
I work in the wine industry and I grew up in a region of the world where wine is a common thing to drink, but in moderation and not every day.
I have never been in contact with an alcoholic before.
So, when al the typical craziness started I could not understand what was happening to me.
He started drinking heavily after 3/4 months into the relationship, or perhaps he started earlier and I could not recognize it, and the back out process begun.
With cycles of 3 weeks we had amazing time together and terrible fights.
He blamed me to be the cause of the fight. When my father was in his death bed I tried to call him to have his support...he was drinking with his buddy and when finally, after 2 hours, he called me back was just to blame me for my selfishness. I went to pick him up completely drunk in bars, I have been "invited to leave" I have been abandoned for days, most of the plans that we made have been cancelled by him at the last minute....and always because of my "controlling and angry behavior".
The goos moments are incredible, he is the most wonderful man on earth....until the 3rd beer...than the demons wake up and he transforms into a completely different person.
I tried to leave him many times and I keep to go back over and over.
I am seeing a counselor since 6 months, I was in a deep depression due to all this good/bad and the impossibility of finding a pattern in his behavior.
Now I am stronger, I told him that I will love him the rest of my life but that I cannot stand his drinking and I need to have a little peace.
He replied that he does not want to quit drinking, that if this is a deal breaker than we need to move on.
It has been so hard tho hear those words! Of course he was drunk at the time.
Now I am trying to move on, I have some good days and some very bad. I miss him, I miss the sober one, the be loving, fun, tender man that he is when is not under the influence of that terrible thing.
We had plans, to move in together, to buy a house, to visit different places.
Now...I bought a house for me, I am going visiting places by myself and I am moving in with a broken myself that I hope will fill better....one day.
I spent a couple of evening reading many posts and I felt I am not as alone as I thought.
I came from a different country and I grew up in a very happy and "normal" family.
When I got here I found everything so beautiful, the people, the climate, my job.
I have a great job that I enjoy very much and a small but good group of friends.
2 years ago I met HIM, love at first sight, passion, fun, love and more love.
I found the man of my life and he told me he found the love of his life.
After some time of fun I started noticing that what should have been a "once a week" drinking habit was in reality a "once a day" thing.
2 or 3 or 4 (sometimes 8 or 10)beers after work and half/one bottle of wine at dinner, actually while cooking.
I work in the wine industry and I grew up in a region of the world where wine is a common thing to drink, but in moderation and not every day.
I have never been in contact with an alcoholic before.
So, when al the typical craziness started I could not understand what was happening to me.
He started drinking heavily after 3/4 months into the relationship, or perhaps he started earlier and I could not recognize it, and the back out process begun.
With cycles of 3 weeks we had amazing time together and terrible fights.
He blamed me to be the cause of the fight. When my father was in his death bed I tried to call him to have his support...he was drinking with his buddy and when finally, after 2 hours, he called me back was just to blame me for my selfishness. I went to pick him up completely drunk in bars, I have been "invited to leave" I have been abandoned for days, most of the plans that we made have been cancelled by him at the last minute....and always because of my "controlling and angry behavior".
The goos moments are incredible, he is the most wonderful man on earth....until the 3rd beer...than the demons wake up and he transforms into a completely different person.
I tried to leave him many times and I keep to go back over and over.
I am seeing a counselor since 6 months, I was in a deep depression due to all this good/bad and the impossibility of finding a pattern in his behavior.
Now I am stronger, I told him that I will love him the rest of my life but that I cannot stand his drinking and I need to have a little peace.
He replied that he does not want to quit drinking, that if this is a deal breaker than we need to move on.
It has been so hard tho hear those words! Of course he was drunk at the time.
Now I am trying to move on, I have some good days and some very bad. I miss him, I miss the sober one, the be loving, fun, tender man that he is when is not under the influence of that terrible thing.
We had plans, to move in together, to buy a house, to visit different places.
Now...I bought a house for me, I am going visiting places by myself and I am moving in with a broken myself that I hope will fill better....one day.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Time I believe is the only elixir. I so wish there was a better answer to heartbreak. We moon about, cry the tears, listen to sad songs and carry on. Addiction is a helluva thing. I'm a garden variety drunk myself with a slew of heartache in my wake. I grew up in the sort of environment that creates addiction..borne of an addict myself. My long suffering mother once remarked with respect to my father...."the only thing stronger than love is addiction". I believe that. My heart feels for your pain...it just hurts.
Good for you for moving forward. If he's not willing to change, you would be in for years of heartache and anguish.
You're a strong cookie. I hope peace comes quickly.
Good for you for moving forward. If he's not willing to change, you would be in for years of heartache and anguish.
You're a strong cookie. I hope peace comes quickly.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Good question with a multitude of answers. I have a few and there are many other opinions. I tend to believe it is "allergic" in nature to some degree...it's definitely something in the way an alcoholic processes as opposed to a non-alcoholic. Many times I have wanted to just enjoy "one" glass of wine and yes, end up passing out in my clothes. I think there are times I just love the warm fuzzy everything's alright I initially get that I don't want it to end...I want MORE of it...so badly I obliterate the whole experience in excess. I read once that it is the way our liver processes the alcohol itself..that we get a higher, harder kick to the brain that results in a hungry hedonist beastly thirst for more, more, more. But there are other answers...
I know I romance the heck out of alcohol. Everything appears better in my minds eye ...with a glass of wine or two; the sun is brighter, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer, the conversation is wittier...it gives a dull moment...LIFE.
But that's a pretty immature perspective...one borne of years looking at life through booze goggles.
It is difficult for the non-addict to understand..or wrap there brains around. Despite horrible consequences...the addiction crooks it's little finger with pleasing (but BS) promises and calls you back....and you're passed out in your clothes, having lost love, your job, your dignity, your sanity, your freedom...
I know I romance the heck out of alcohol. Everything appears better in my minds eye ...with a glass of wine or two; the sun is brighter, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer, the conversation is wittier...it gives a dull moment...LIFE.
But that's a pretty immature perspective...one borne of years looking at life through booze goggles.
It is difficult for the non-addict to understand..or wrap there brains around. Despite horrible consequences...the addiction crooks it's little finger with pleasing (but BS) promises and calls you back....and you're passed out in your clothes, having lost love, your job, your dignity, your sanity, your freedom...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
We have a forum just for people in your situation. Take a look at it and maybe post there too for more insight.Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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