losteverything

Hi ... I am so sorry you are going through such a dark time. I know how you feel, believe it or not, I have suffered from depression most of my life. Its really hard to see any light when you are living in such a dark place. Here are a few things that I have found helped... they aren't miracle cures, wont immediately lift you up, but give enough time, some thing might begin to change :
exercise.. even if you dont feel like it, try to force yourself at least to take a walk..
healthy eating and lots of water....proper nutrition really does help.
Self awareness..... realize that whatever you are going through, it is temporary.. it might feel like forever, but nothing lasts forever, next week or next year might be the start of a whole new life..
Appreciation... you only have one life, just this one. Force yourself to at least try to find something good, you dont want to look back on your deathbed and think, why was I so miserable and unhappy?
Gratitude... I need to remind myself that literally Billions of people on earth today have things much worse than I do..they have no food, never been in a car, work for pennies a day.. I cant always think, why is my life so hard? I have to remember, in the big scheme of things, I could be crippled, or mentally incapable....
Drinking isn't a solution..its a depressant, and whatever bad feelings or bad thought you have will only be multiplied by drinking...
Just my thought..

Nirvana1

If you take benzo's for depression, that can be mind altering. If you take other medication that treats depression long term, than you don't have to take medication that is mind altering.

I don't take meds but tried a few when dealing with similar issues as you. I worked the program of AA through my dark periods of sobriety and feel way better today, and am grateful I stuck it out, even when some days and months in sobriety were not going well at all outside of my recovery.