I've enjoyed reading your posts everyone. I'm almost six weeks sober. Went to Hawaii for a week with my daughter and didnt have one drink. I'm back one day and I really want to go next door to the pub for a pint of Guinness. Still feel mentally like ****. Don't like the shame associated with this either. It's a constant fight. Worst when I'm alone. Thanks for your encouraging stories. I just can't see making it with a slip or relapse whatever you want to call it. Kind of want to get it over with. That's where I'm at pretty much every day. Can't say I feel any pride for the six weeks either. Depressing.

Welcome daddoo. 6 weeks is awesome!

I just came off a 3 day bender that started with a pint. I don't recommend it. It promised me I'd feel better, and I felt 100 times worse.

Stay strong!

Hi Daddoo

the danger of thinking a relapse is inevitable is coming out the other end...I once lost 2 years that way.

Relapse is not inevitable - you may have to do a little more than you have been doing tho?

what changes have you made to your life beyond just not drinking?
what support do you have besides joining SR today?

How do you think you can find some pride and happiness in your life again? any ideas?

D

Hey, Dadoo! Welcome. Yes, I felt really bad in the beginning. Just keep going! Reading and posting here has helped me tremendously. Especially when I feel lonely.
Alcohol is not an option anymore. Repeat that as much as you need to. I still do, everyday, sometimes several times a day. It gets better, but it does take time. Hang in there. We understand!

Dee has excellent advice. :You_Rock_

Well you should feel pride, and the fact you dont worries me a little. What are some things you enjoy doing or take joy in besides drinking? I think you need to dive into something to establish some joy in your life. Something that will deter you from alcoholism and take your mind off it. I wish I knew more about you so I could offer some better advice, but it sounds like you need a passion.

You make it sound like a relapse is part of the program. Just remember that there are no guarantees that you make it back from a relapse, but slips are optional, they are not a mandatory part of the program. I had one that lasted 8 years and I'm damn luck I made it back. Think about that before you pick up that first drink.

OK so you feel mentally like **** - but that will change
Feeling shame is optional, some do and some don't (I didn't)
It is a constant fight at first - but that will change
Loneliness sucks - but that will change

How long did you drink daddoo? I bet it was longer than 6 weeks. Things don't magically get wonderful after 6 weeks of sobriety. Staying sober is hard work. Are you using any kind of recovery program to stay sober? If not I suggest finding one that best fits you and start using it. At six weeks you gotten past the physical part. Now it's time to work on the problems in your life. That's where you need a plan on how to do that.

All good advice, thanks. I spent a week of intensive outpatient therapy at PCS in Scottsdale AZ recently. Very helpful. Amazing actually. Haven't had time lately, too busy with work. More drawn to smart recovery than AA. It just feels I used to be less depressed even when I was drinking. Lately...f@&k it's bad. Don't really want to do anything fun or socialize.

Patience and vigilance. This too shall pass. One day at a time...

I know, believe me I do... what I just told you sounds so happy-crappy and reads like monotonous, boring clichés that might only serve to irritate your current state, but honestly, those quotes ring so true.

In other words, your nail biting will end whether you go out and pound drinks down your gullet or not. Wouldn't you rather wait out the tension and be sober when it's over; rather than sick, hungover, and feeling like dog dung, waiting to try again after you've damaged your liver and life some more?

To stop drinking (for us) is nothing less than a battle waging inside your skull, and each time you win the fight, the next time gets less ominous and less harsh, until a point when you're barely thinking about it at all. That is 100% the way this thing goes, for everyone. I rarely even think about booze anymore, and the singular difference between you and me is one thing only... sober time.

It's merely these first few months that make us all basket-cases. Stick it out and there will be better days ahead. Your only other option is to NOT stick it out and live with the agony of alcoholism some more. You know, hangovers, shame, guilt, <enter laundry list>.

Keep it up daddoo, we're pulling for ya.

Hang tight....this too will pass. Time takes time. I have to keep reminding myself of that as I often think I should be doing better then I am....but what do I know.....I haven't traveled this particular journey before. We are all unique and all different. Your sobriety journey will be unique as well....make it an awesome one...that is my goal!

Sadly, I have never allowed myself a single pint without winding up in a dangerous spiral. This has happened to me over and over. I can only think that six weeks is something to be proud of and definitely worth protecting.

If you can avoid drinks in Hawaii, you don't need a pint of Guinness. Do something else.

Great insights from everyone so much appreciated... I realize even if I do have one or two I'm going to go back and do it again tomorrow because I'm not gonna feel any better tomorrow. I'm going to drink every day because that's what I do I drink every day. Slip will become a relapse. Two will likely Turn into 10. I just ended a 10 year relationship and I don't even want to think about dating again. I can't imagine dating without having wine at dinner. How is that even possible? If I slip or relapse that's when it's going to happen.

You don't have to slip or relapse. Not everyone does. Decide you are not going to relapse. Then make a plan to follow. Perhaps a counselor for the depression. Have you seen your doctor about the depression? I've had to take antidepressants and am talking to a counselor and it's helping. And time, of course, makes it better. You can beat this!

It's normal to feel below average for several months after quitting drinking. Over years of abuse your brain chemistry began compensating for the deluge of happy juice getting poured over it. It takes time to reset the chemistry balance. Hang in there.

I do suffer from depression But I don't respond well to ssri meds like lexapro. I'm on 60mg of adderall a day and that helps. But always end the day stressed out and feeling crappy, Since I've quit drinking I've taken up nicotine Like everyone else that goes to rehab..... I figure I have a better chance of not dying starting smoking at 43 rather than age 15..... But I'll quit that too eventually