Xanax and memory lapse
 

I had a major episode with my mother in law recently when she was visiting. I came home late at night and she was up watching the movie Side Effects. The plot centers around some kind of mind control drug. We were having some sporadic, light conversation and the movie made me think of Xanax. Not specifically, but just kind of had me thinking about mind altering drugs.

Both her and my own father have been taking Xanax basically since it became available. Her and I have discussed many times that she feels she is addicted to it and does not know what to do. Of course she refuses to actually do anything about it and as most people do, hides behind her anxiety and the legality of the almighty "DOCTORS PRESCRIPTION". We have had several discussions about it and all of them were basically started by her in the past.

I said something to her about my father being on it also and that I am "not sure how I feel about that". That was pretty much the end of it. Then she got all weird and said I was talking too much and she was trying to watch her movie. It got kind of nasty and I snapped back at her and it turned into a bit of a tiff. I eventually went to bed and didn't think much more about it.

It turns out that afterwards she told my wife that I said all these terrible things and was meddling in her personal life and criticizing her for taking Xanax and it was none of my business. Most of it was completely untrue and I suddenly had an epiphany. Not only was she making things up (or remembering incorrectly), she also had NO MEMORY OF ANY OF OUR PREVIOUS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HER ADDICTION!!! My wife was thoroughly pissed but after I explained it to her she had to concede.

Looking back, my father has this same problem. His memory is very bad and he will often call up in a drunken rage saying terrible things, then claim that its not true and we are making things up. We have to play his obscene messages back to him to prove it and then he just stands there like a deer in headlights, still not wanting to acknowledge it. He called my brother up right before his wedding and said he was never going to talk to him again and his wife is a f**%$#@ who*#.

He makes promises and never keeps them, also saying "I never said that!". He is always very sure about it and is almost always wrong. I remember him visiting one time and he was really fixated on my dog. I counted 9 times in the course of 4 hours that he asked me "what kind of dog is that?". 9 times is 7 or 8 times too much in my opinion.

These are honestly very mild problems compared to what some of you deal with, so please do not think I am making light of the very real problems many of you may have. But I need some advice. Xanax is known for causing these memory lapses, especially while used in conjunction with alcohol in my fathers case. How do you deal with the memory lapse in your day to day interactions with loved ones? It seems impossible to have an ongoing dialogue about anything with either of them. I am at my wits end with this. It is surreal to think that 50% of my parents (inlaws or my own) are drug addicts.

The drug does not seem to help them at all with their anxiety issues and just ends up being a burden to them and everyone else. I have confronted my father about it on several occasions and he will not budge. He will not even admit that its an issue and he thinks he everything is just dandy. He is also diabetic so his binge drinking is about the worst thing he could be doing for his body. At least my Mother in Law admits that she has a problem, when she can REMEMBER that she has a problem.

Some strategies for dealing with this would be really helpful. I appreciate your time.

:welcome I'm glad you joined the family! We have a forum just for families of addicts. Here's the link.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here.

My stepmother is addicted to a lot of meds, ativan being one of them and it's in the same class of meds (benzo) as xanax. She also has the memory loss issue.

I hope you check out the forum Least linked to. Unfortunately, if your parents don't see it as a problem, they're very unlikely to do anything about it.

I'm both a recovering addict and a recovering codependent with loved ones who are still addicted. I always thought I could "get it through their heads" and that just doesn't work. Thanks to the great people on the Friends & Family forum, I've learned to detach from my stepmom's behavior (most of the time).

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Agreed. Its a bad mix all around.

From a few personal experiences, I can tell you that anytime I took, say 1mg, Xanax after a few drinks I would suddenly wake up in my bed in the morning or on the couch with no recollection of anything that happened 20 minutes after taking the pill. I never remembered any euphoria, conversations, or actions. It was a guaranteed blackout in a tiny blue pill.

Oddly enough, I always woke up hangover free because apparently I would not feel the need to drink any longer. I was known to drink half a liter of booze while in an alcoholic only blackout however.

Nasty stuff. Your mother-in-law and father would need to probably taper off the benzos under medical supervision to be safe. However, there really is no strategy that you can employ. They will need to make the decision to stop taking this drug on their own.