1stepup

Hi non, guess im the opposite, I have lost pretty much everything to alcohol, and Im finding it hard to stop because I feel im in a 'deeper' hole than others that get themselves sober. I must admit in AA at times ive thought to myself 'its alright for you pal you don't have to re-build your life and try to stay sober. But what I have to think is that I may think my story is the saddest but there are others far worse off than me. The big word I keep hearing is 'YET' I havent gone to prison YET, havent died YET, but carry on and I will.

Best wishes my friend.

Soberpotamus

I think sometimes we forget that addiction has a biological component. It can be looked at as a bio-psycho-social problem. Whether you agree with the disease (or disorder) theory or not... it's hard to deny there is a bio aspect when you ingest a chemical that alters your brain and body chemistry, right?

ElegantlyWasted

Yes SoberFriend! Let's do this! Have you entertained the possibility you might be a little cyclothymic? A lot of highly functioning type A personalities present with it. I thought that that could be a possibility for me, but was told to give it six months so my body/mind could revert a more normal equilibrium. Did it and my racing speedy mind normalized on its own. The thing to me is this kinda thing can progress to some bad stuff even though the rest of your life looks really good.

fini

So many of my fellows here get sober and then start their real work of feeling better without alcohol in their lives. I don't have that to do.

Non,
from over here, it looks like that is exactly what needs doing.
if really everything, and you in everything, were feeling okay in yourself and in everything, then ...
the fact of going back to drinking in itself is related to not being okay without alcohol in your life.

i'm reading this thread and seeing a couple of people talk about their (near) perfect lives.
and i don't get it. because it seems what people are saying is this: the outward and materialistic stuff is perfect: job, money, home, family, posessions.
and then, from there, it seems that the non-comprehension of going back to drinking gets linked to the absence of identifiable "problems".
i'm expressing this badly. but it's like you're saying that it's understandable that people with non-perfect lives drink, and that your near-perfect life makes it possibly more difficult for you to stay quit because you have nothing you can "work on"....the implication being that ****** circumstances cause returns to drinking. that ****** conditions give those who live in them something concrete to pin things on.

my own experience...Non, my outward life was okay. not great, but alright. is alright now, too. of course i have more money now that i'm not spending it on drinking.

but inside wasn't okay. did i see that? no, i couldn't. not until i had been sober for quite a while did i see how far enmeshed this "thing" was in me. the tentacles. and no, there's been no big trauma to work out, no mental illness, no war, no PTSD, no medical condition.
but the condition of being an alcoholic who committed to quitting and returned to drinking....THAT was/is a piece of "work".

there is no way, in my opinion, that you can be an alcoholic and commit to quitting and then go back to drinking and maintain that everything else in your life is pretty much perfect and have that be so.

that those around us, those in relationship with us, could be "all good" is impossible. you don't have to read far in the family-and-friends section to see that.

i'm not managing coherence in this post; but to imply that you don't have the same work to do because so much in your life is perfect seems to be saying that imperfect lives cause returns to drinking. doesn't seem to be so. the outward stuff seems not to influence the chances, from what i see.

I have thought for months that it should be easier for me to defeat my addiction than it is for most of my fellow alcohol addicts here.

hm...what happens if you drop that thought and try to imagine that it will be for you just as it is for most of us? what comes to mind? what might happen if you let go for a few minutes here and there of the intellect and drop down a bit into being sensible, sensible in the way of feeling...getting some sense of what the spots are that you're in inside when you go back to drinking despite your best commitment?

Deckard

Non, this is a good discussion and thanks for kicking it off with your early morning reflection.

I have come to believe that the AV will use any and all external excuses to initiate drinking. If you are in bad circumstances, it will say, "Surely a drink is the way to ease the pain." If everything is going great, it will say, "Why not celebrate that good fortune?"

There are incredible true stories about people who win the lottery and have their lives go totally to pieces because it introduces a stressor that they were not ready for. If I won the lottery, my AV would say: "Wow, you won a lot of money, this is great but new and unfamiliar and weird... a drink will help you to settle down."

My point is that, for me, I believe nothing in the external world was driving my drinking. It was an excuse or a pretext.

A few weeks before I quit, I was in a bad car accident... a cars flipping end over end down the highway kind of accident. I walked away. And I swear to you, my first thought was, "I really need a drink."

I try every day to build a strong internal defense against the first drink. I do this because it is the nature of life on this planet that some reversal or difficulty will come my way, sooner or later. And I need to be ready for it, and not relying on external supports for my sobriety.

I wish you all the best!

Nonsensical

You'll have to thank fini. My early morning reflection was 3 weeks ago.

Deckard

Hmmm. Well, I guess my thanks for kicking off a good discussion still stand....

nigey1

In my experience - 360shoes is on the right track.

I do the exercise and eating right and all that stuff to stay level and focused and not drink. The ultimate aim is to be the best I can for my family the community and anyone who needs it. That makes me happy and a better person.

It's no instant feel good like alcohol, but the rewards might come in 3 months when someone needs a hand up from a fall and its you they reach to cos you've got your s$%t sorted and you are the strong one.

Sometimes it just feels great to get honest with yourself and have courage to do what deep down you know is right.

I wasted enough time on myself and my ego and chasing crap that doesn't matter.

Good luck non

fini

yes, you started the thread three weeks ago....and i responded today.

is what you said then not so in your mind anymore today?
has something changed?

FreeFall

360Shoes, that is so true. Most people have others that count on them in some way and a sober and clean person is a much better caretaker, partner, parent, lover, etc. Being fully present for them is the present that keeps on giving...

Non, I don't think it's easy for anyone that struggles with alcohol addiction. Don't feel guilty because you think it should be easier for you because you're not dealing with trauma, abuse, etc. We're all struggling with it. Some days you're the helper and support, and others you're the helped and supported. It is hard to do this but worth it to keep trying!

hypochondriac

All you have to work on is how to not drink. If everything else is not broken then don't fix it. There is lots of info out there on tackling addictive thinking, AVRT and tons of cbt type books. It is the kind of stuff that takes practice. When I first quit I had these urges to drink which I just couldn't explain which made them harder to ignore. Nowadays I rarely come across an urge that I can't explain away. It makes it easier somehow. I think that air of mystery about cravings and why we drink really underpins the addiction.

sugarbear1

So Non, are ya still sober and is life still easy? How are you feeling today?

Nonsensical

Yes.
Yes.
Finer than frog hair.

Fandy

I need to remember this today, i am filled with anxiety until this house sale goes through next month.

Nonsensical

Some great stuff here:

wpainterw

Nonsensical wrote:"I just feel like my mind races a bit and alcohol slows it down. I like that feeling. I drink so much that I rapidly pass through soothing to oblivion, now, but that's why I'm here."

Sounds like something a doctor might help you with, hopefully with some non addictive medication. But beware of "I like that feeling". Sounds like what many folks call a "buzz". I think that had a lot to do with why I drank and, if you're like the way I was, and many alcoholics are, eventually the buzz isn't there any more. Tolerance builds up and you have to drink more just to feel "normal". That's when the trouble really escalates!

W.