The repeatitive masterplan.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
The repeatitive masterplan.
Hi there,
I'm 26 years old, originally from Northern Ireland, living in Scotland as a student for the second time, trying to find my way in life.
I've found myself in a similar situation to this one on a many occassions, having come off the back of a 2-4 day long binge knowing that something has to give. I've plotted and planned ways in which to change my life and replace alcohol with other things to make me happy, but have consistantly landed back at this point.
So I'm hoping this forum can help me begin the process. I have had a problem with depression and alcohol since I have been 19 years of age, I find myself drinking to extreme excess for 2-4 days on end, calling in sick to work on many occassions(I have lost a couple of jobs throught alcohol) and then lying in bed for days on end frightened and regretful.
At christmas last year I visited home and had one such binge, I ended up in a really bad way and decided to stop drinking. I lasted 17 days before I started drinking again and the cycle of 1-2 weeks sober and then a binge has been a recurring one ever since, yet again.
Recently I have seen a counsellor, I found it therapeutic,but didn't find out anything I didn't already know. I felt relieved and actually quite elated at the end of these meetings which usually led to me binging again.
I have the love and support of an amazing girlfriend who I want to build a future with, but will be unable to unless I can manage alcohol out of my life completely.
I am not religious, so I am not really open to the idea of attending AA meetings, although I respect anybody who is and finds them to be helpful. The course I am studying would be jeopardised where I to seek formal help from the NHS, so that is why I am here.
This weekend will see the challenge arise again, a good friend of mine is visiting from Ireland and is expecting an old fashioned drinking session. I cannot afford to let this happen. He is a very good friend but is an old drinking buddy who himself has issues with drink. What suggestions would those of you more experienced in recovery make to help get through this weekend?
I'm 26 years old, originally from Northern Ireland, living in Scotland as a student for the second time, trying to find my way in life.
I've found myself in a similar situation to this one on a many occassions, having come off the back of a 2-4 day long binge knowing that something has to give. I've plotted and planned ways in which to change my life and replace alcohol with other things to make me happy, but have consistantly landed back at this point.
So I'm hoping this forum can help me begin the process. I have had a problem with depression and alcohol since I have been 19 years of age, I find myself drinking to extreme excess for 2-4 days on end, calling in sick to work on many occassions(I have lost a couple of jobs throught alcohol) and then lying in bed for days on end frightened and regretful.
At christmas last year I visited home and had one such binge, I ended up in a really bad way and decided to stop drinking. I lasted 17 days before I started drinking again and the cycle of 1-2 weeks sober and then a binge has been a recurring one ever since, yet again.
Recently I have seen a counsellor, I found it therapeutic,but didn't find out anything I didn't already know. I felt relieved and actually quite elated at the end of these meetings which usually led to me binging again.
I have the love and support of an amazing girlfriend who I want to build a future with, but will be unable to unless I can manage alcohol out of my life completely.
I am not religious, so I am not really open to the idea of attending AA meetings, although I respect anybody who is and finds them to be helpful. The course I am studying would be jeopardised where I to seek formal help from the NHS, so that is why I am here.
This weekend will see the challenge arise again, a good friend of mine is visiting from Ireland and is expecting an old fashioned drinking session. I cannot afford to let this happen. He is a very good friend but is an old drinking buddy who himself has issues with drink. What suggestions would those of you more experienced in recovery make to help get through this weekend?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
You will find lots of support here.
I think early sobriety requires a lot of hard choices. I think I would cancel the visit if I was you. I couldn't have managed that kind of thing in the early days.
You will find lots of support here.
I think early sobriety requires a lot of hard choices. I think I would cancel the visit if I was you. I couldn't have managed that kind of thing in the early days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
Thanks for the reply. We had planned to travel to Glasgow to meet some friends late saturday afternoon. I'm thinking of still having him up to my place early afternoon, but using money as an excuse not to go later that day. It isn't very honest, but it is logical, he is not only over here to see me, so it won't totally ruin his plans.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome
Putting it bluntly:
Guys like you and me have no business being anywhere near an old fashioned drinking session, Barry.
I think it's going to be virtually impossible for you, at this point, to get through a weekend like that.
If you want change you need to make changes I think.
I'm not in the UK but I'm not aware that seeing a Dr would impact upon your residency or your studies Barry - I'd check that out and make sure.
SMART Recovery and LifeRing have meeting based support too, but it's secular in nature. You might like to check them out too
D
Putting it bluntly:
Guys like you and me have no business being anywhere near an old fashioned drinking session, Barry.
I think it's going to be virtually impossible for you, at this point, to get through a weekend like that.
If you want change you need to make changes I think.
I'm not in the UK but I'm not aware that seeing a Dr would impact upon your residency or your studies Barry - I'd check that out and make sure.
SMART Recovery and LifeRing have meeting based support too, but it's secular in nature. You might like to check them out too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
Thanks, yeah, I won't be anywhere near the drinking session this weekend, I won't be getting on the bus I've decided.
There is an alcohol service here in the city I live in, but the National Health Service shares data on patients, if I were not to disclose that I have a drink problem but it would to appear on my record, I may be called into a fitness to practice hearing. I will look up those organisations you have mentioned, hopefully one of them will be a viable alternative. My GP is very good, so I think I will ask him if we can have an off the record chat when I am due an appointment in 2 weeks. Hopefully he may be able to suggest things.
There is an alcohol service here in the city I live in, but the National Health Service shares data on patients, if I were not to disclose that I have a drink problem but it would to appear on my record, I may be called into a fitness to practice hearing. I will look up those organisations you have mentioned, hopefully one of them will be a viable alternative. My GP is very good, so I think I will ask him if we can have an off the record chat when I am due an appointment in 2 weeks. Hopefully he may be able to suggest things.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Like I said I'm not in the UK but it seems odd to me that they would share confidential data there without your consent as they certainly can't do that here where I am in Australia.
I hope others with local knowledge will chime in
D
I hope others with local knowledge will chime in
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
The one small downfall of the NHS, I found a meeting for SMART in my city but unfortunately its during working hours 
Hopefully there is something else around of use outside of working hours.
Thanks for your help
Hopefully there is something else around of use outside of working hours.
Thanks for your help
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I am agnostic and in AA. My higher power is the group conscious. I figure a group of sober alcoholics are more powerful than this one trying to stay sober alcoholic. But I am all for whatever works for you Barry. I am an open minded person...I figure if whatever you choose works for you then it is the right solution for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I would have done anything to stay clean and sober whether it was religious or not. What were my choices? However AA was there and it saved my life. And No AA is not religious. I am not religious. I am a Christian and I still am not religious. I am relational. With The Lord. Not that anyone was asking. lol
God Bless! People pass judgement with no personal knowledge. Not Good.
God Bless! People pass judgement with no personal knowledge. Not Good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
You guys have been sober a lot longer than I have, so I would be inclined to listen to your advice. I'm just weary of possibly feeling alienated from a group culture, I don't think it would serve a purpose or make logical sense for me at this minute in time. But it's definitely food for thought and I won't dimiss it.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Barry
I think its probably best to let your friend know in advance that you are not drinking, so he comes with the right expectations rather than expecting a drinking session. Sounds like it will be very hard to avoid drinking otherwise.
I guess the "hard" message about sobriety is that you have to be willing to change major aspects in your life. This is likely to include who you mix with and where. I doubt many people maintain sobriety if they carry on mixing with old drinking buddies. As they say here, you can't have your cake and eat it - it's possible you will need to choose between sobriety and mixing with that group of people. At the end of the day it's actions rather than intentions that keep us sober (or, to put it another way, if you keep doing the same things you'll keep getting the same results).
As for AA, why not give it a try before dismissing it?
I think its probably best to let your friend know in advance that you are not drinking, so he comes with the right expectations rather than expecting a drinking session. Sounds like it will be very hard to avoid drinking otherwise.
I guess the "hard" message about sobriety is that you have to be willing to change major aspects in your life. This is likely to include who you mix with and where. I doubt many people maintain sobriety if they carry on mixing with old drinking buddies. As they say here, you can't have your cake and eat it - it's possible you will need to choose between sobriety and mixing with that group of people. At the end of the day it's actions rather than intentions that keep us sober (or, to put it another way, if you keep doing the same things you'll keep getting the same results).
As for AA, why not give it a try before dismissing it?
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
hi barry, I feel your pain I too was stuck in a cycle of binging then sober & repeating that cycle. THE only thing that has worked for me is AA, god and sr but that's my path. there are plenty of non aa recovery routes: avrt-allen carrs easy way- smart recovery, to name a few!
good luck!
good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
Thanks for the replies guys.
I'm going to read up a bit more about it and see what services are in my area. I'm not dismissing it, I just know my own personality and how I react in certain environments, I am somewhere between agnostic and a full blown atheist.(sorry if I offend anyone with my beliefs.) I'm just not sure it would be a good fit for me...
This friend of mine is a drinker himself, but we have a mutual friend who has never touched a drop in his life and it has never affected how they interact. I think he will be supportive, I'm going to call him this evening and talk about it.
There are lots of people, particularly back home, whom I know I will either need to avoid completely or wait a long time to see. But this friend is a close one and I would like to at least attempt to maintain some kind of relationship with him. But ultimately if I cannot, I will do what I need to do.
I need to fill the voids of time in my life in the meantime with constructive things. I have recently purchased a guitar, I havn't really played since I was 18 years old, music used to be a passion of mine before I lost myself. Unfortunately the rugby and soccer seasons over here have ended, I think they will both be useful come august as I love watching sport.
I have also started looking into mindfulness, has anybody else used it as part of recovery?
I'm going to read up a bit more about it and see what services are in my area. I'm not dismissing it, I just know my own personality and how I react in certain environments, I am somewhere between agnostic and a full blown atheist.(sorry if I offend anyone with my beliefs.) I'm just not sure it would be a good fit for me...
This friend of mine is a drinker himself, but we have a mutual friend who has never touched a drop in his life and it has never affected how they interact. I think he will be supportive, I'm going to call him this evening and talk about it.
There are lots of people, particularly back home, whom I know I will either need to avoid completely or wait a long time to see. But this friend is a close one and I would like to at least attempt to maintain some kind of relationship with him. But ultimately if I cannot, I will do what I need to do.
I need to fill the voids of time in my life in the meantime with constructive things. I have recently purchased a guitar, I havn't really played since I was 18 years old, music used to be a passion of mine before I lost myself. Unfortunately the rugby and soccer seasons over here have ended, I think they will both be useful come august as I love watching sport.
I have also started looking into mindfulness, has anybody else used it as part of recovery?
Memberado
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Barry,
I can totally relate to what you are saying about not being open to any solution that has anything with religion to do. Organised religion is not for me.
I am sober almost 7 months now with the help of AA. I have not been asked to adhere to any kind of organised religion.
As it's been explained to me, the main jest of it is that you should find "a power greater than yourself" to rely on (for the things that are out of your control). That power is a power of your own understanding (says so in the literature even). Many AAers I know consider the AA group itself their higher power.
Personally, I haven't really made up my mind about who or what my higher power is. For now I think it's the AA group as a whole.
That said, I know of people who stay sober by just attending AA meetings and that's all.
No one in AA is going to force you to do anything. For me, when nothing else worked, AA worked. I too thought it would be a room full of homeless and religious people, depressed, sitting there crying with the blinds down. Wrong!
I can totally relate to what you are saying about not being open to any solution that has anything with religion to do. Organised religion is not for me.
I am sober almost 7 months now with the help of AA. I have not been asked to adhere to any kind of organised religion.
As it's been explained to me, the main jest of it is that you should find "a power greater than yourself" to rely on (for the things that are out of your control). That power is a power of your own understanding (says so in the literature even). Many AAers I know consider the AA group itself their higher power.
Personally, I haven't really made up my mind about who or what my higher power is. For now I think it's the AA group as a whole.
That said, I know of people who stay sober by just attending AA meetings and that's all.
No one in AA is going to force you to do anything. For me, when nothing else worked, AA worked. I too thought it would be a room full of homeless and religious people, depressed, sitting there crying with the blinds down. Wrong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 23
Thanks bud,
I think I'll give it a go. I'm in a relationship with a religious person, so I'm not intolerant to religion, just a touch weary of possibly resenting it. But I couldn't resent it more than I will do myself if I don't give it up.
I think I'll give it a go. I'm in a relationship with a religious person, so I'm not intolerant to religion, just a touch weary of possibly resenting it. But I couldn't resent it more than I will do myself if I don't give it up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: florida
Posts: 10
mannnn, I live in the Bible belt and was also agnostic, I brought that up in a meeting, how to become sober through AA without having god. I was quite opposed to it to say the least and the people all knew, and what I heard was that you need a power greater than yourself. Never by any means did anyone preach at me or any of that **** and I was expecting it to be honest. I also heard that day from multiple people who also came into AA with the same dilemma and they were all sober for over 5 years. Spirituality is HUGE is AA, but spirituality is so far from religion.
I found the higher power of my understanding and when I give up my will to him things go way the hell better than when I am in control. If scientifically its all in my head, then **** it because it works, I do not care about the rest as long as I am sober. Used to honestly think the God **** was for the weak people, not me so obviously stronger minded then those weak pussys, well I am happily a weak ***** now LOL. One alcoholic to another, if you are like me and rehabs didnt work, therapy didnt work, and self will failed miserably, then why not try a meeting lol. I mean as a logical thinker, I would say going to AA where you might get sober and will hear about spirituality of all sorts vs losing your girl, home, job, degree your studying, or whatever it is, might as well try it out. But ****, if my higher power is not there I am ****** haha
I found the higher power of my understanding and when I give up my will to him things go way the hell better than when I am in control. If scientifically its all in my head, then **** it because it works, I do not care about the rest as long as I am sober. Used to honestly think the God **** was for the weak people, not me so obviously stronger minded then those weak pussys, well I am happily a weak ***** now LOL. One alcoholic to another, if you are like me and rehabs didnt work, therapy didnt work, and self will failed miserably, then why not try a meeting lol. I mean as a logical thinker, I would say going to AA where you might get sober and will hear about spirituality of all sorts vs losing your girl, home, job, degree your studying, or whatever it is, might as well try it out. But ****, if my higher power is not there I am ****** haha
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: North England, UK
Posts: 214
Hi Barry,
I also have reasons why I can't contact services through the NHS, it is frustrating, but this place is definately helping.
There are a lot of people on here who advocate AA and it has worked for them but obviously it isn't for others. Finding what's right for you will take time, and as far as your friend is concerned... I'd be honest, if you say you can't drink cus you have a problem, you will find it harder to go back on that than if you say you don't fancy a drink and then decide to change your mind.
I also have reasons why I can't contact services through the NHS, it is frustrating, but this place is definately helping.
There are a lot of people on here who advocate AA and it has worked for them but obviously it isn't for others. Finding what's right for you will take time, and as far as your friend is concerned... I'd be honest, if you say you can't drink cus you have a problem, you will find it harder to go back on that than if you say you don't fancy a drink and then decide to change your mind.
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