Day two of a (hopeful) year
 

I just needed to talk...I'm alone at home (bf's gone for the week at work) I'm just frustrated. It's like, sober up for 8 months, fall off for 3 months. Sober up for 3 months, fall off for two weeks. I just want to be done with this. I try to remind myself that I had been drinking heavily for 10 years, thinking a certain way for 10 years, and that doesn't just go away overnight, it has to be worked on...but I just ...God, I just wish someone would come along with a wand and tap me on the head and say "You're fixed now! You never have to deal with this again." My bf left me a note before he left for the week saying "I love you, I forgive you, but you need to start going back to meetings." (I had spent the day/night before drinking all day, acting like a fool, bringing up old crap from the past...uck.) He is so good to me, so kind and so patient - He shouldn't have to deal with this either. I want to be able to give back to him, love and happiness, and all of the joy he brings to me. I want him to be able to lean on me. Even though I know this is something that doesn't just go away, I want to be worth the trouble. Day 2, and I'm still sweating out booze, shaky, scared, upset.
I just want to have a good, sober year. I want this year to be the best ever. I'll try for a year this time. It upsets me that I can't just say "This is done forever." because I can't make that promise. But I can promise a year. That seems doable. Hopefully that'll just continue, but I don't know. I'm tired and lonely (moved across the country last month...don't really know anyone here. There's an A.A. meeting once a week in the town I'm in...haven't gone yet, but plan to on sunday.) and needed to vent. Thanks.

Welcome swizzle. You'll find a lot of support here, and that might be just the thing if you only have access to once-a-week meetings for AA. Dedication to recovery is what it takes to keep off the relapse rollercoaster.

You have been to meetings so promising anything is really not possible except for today. You will remain sober today. That is it. As for all other feelings, it is tough. I wanted some magic wand as well but as the sober days started to add up I realized that my experiences while drinking helped me. They did. I learned to overcome so many things and honestly believe I am a stronger/better person having those experiences. The list is way to long but I think you can turn all those fears and anxieties into strength and hope. Good luck.

I'll echo what's been said: Just for today, don't drink. A sure sign of relapse is being sure you're "cured" or that you are good to go for any amount of time. We do this with a Power that is not our own, 24 hours at a time. AA works...IF you work AA. For you that means go to that meeting and get a sponsor. When you find someone willing to sponsor you you're well on your way to a good, sober day today :) Hang in there - it gets harder but better too :) The fact that you know you have a problem is going to really help you. That's a big one... Oh, and do it for you :)

God bless...

Welcome! May I suggest participating in our 24 hour commitment as a start. I helps me incredibly. You get to know and relate to the other posters and have some fun. It helps me incredibly and I find myself thinking of other people during the day and hoping they are ok (breaks you out of that evil self focus that causes many to implode) Let us know how AA goes! If it doesn't click at first give it a little time, try some different meeting and try to meet a bunch of people.

Sign me up (and thanks!) is there certain board for that?

Here we go.. Let me know if the link doesn't work. The tread usually pops to the top of new threads in the evening as well. Be sure to say hi to "Deeker", she's the Thread's Queen/Cheerleader LOL (I actually think she should be a web designer.. you'll get what I mean after you see a couple posts).

Its on the "Newcomers Daily Support" board. Here's a direct link.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-club-12.html

Hi swizzlekiss
some great advice here :)

I wasn't able to say forever either...I was able to commit to a day...eventually I found, after a long string of days, I was already doing forever.

I think a commitment to change is important tho - I recognised there were more things needing work with me and my life than just not drinking.

I wasn't the same man at 90 days as I was at 1 day, and I wasn't the same man at a year that I was at 90 days.

If I remained the same man I was, I think it would be inevitable that I'd return to my status quo and drink.

It all starts with today.

btw, the 24 hour thread is cool, we also have a Don't Quit Quitting daily thread as well
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-36-a-18.html

Welcome swizzle! You aren't alone with this - we all know how it feels. I'm glad you found us. :)

I can relate to you so much when it comes to relationship issues caused by drinking :/ I'm here if you ever need to talk!