bexxed

It's day 13 for me, and I'm starting to forget it. What I mean by that, is that I'm busy. I have a busy life, and a job that demands a lot of travel and which puts me in very strange circumstances sometimes. It's amazing I could drink and still do it, and amazing that I can not drink and still do it. Like everything, I suppose. Anyway, when I say I've been "forgetting" I mean that I'm getting used to the idea that I don't drink, every day doesn't feel new. "Oh, I'm not drinking on the plane, how surreal" is over because I've been on 5 flights in the past 13 days. Not drinking when I get home? I've had 13 days of not drinking so it's starting to feel familiar to me. I just went through these habitual things with smoking a couple of months ago and I have to say it's easy on the brain because my brain is used to making changes after quitting smoking (and moving) if that makes sense?

So last night I was exhausted. Jet lagged, long day at work, hard day at work, I couldn't even work out, I was dead to the world. I slept last night 11 hours, only waking up once to go right back to sleep. And I dreamed that I was drinking. Only it wasn't pleasant. It was very unpleasant, actually. It was like someone else was operating my body, some other part of me and I was trying to get the controls of the ship. I was tasting the alcohol (jack and ginger, weird because I have only drank that probably once in my life- I was a beer, wine, tequila person) and feeling it in the back of my throat and kind of like Star Trek I was going into alert, trying to get the controls to stop this other person i.e. other part of me from continuing to pick up that cold, wet glass. It was a scary dream, and there was more to it, but what I got out of it was that deep in my consciousness, bubbling into my waking reality, I understand fully that I cannot control alcohol. My ship can't really navigate when that's going on. There's something more in there that I'll have to think over because right now I have to get to work, I just wanted to share this dream and say hello to everyone. Thanks for listening!

xoxo

Bexxed

least

They will get less frequent as time goes on. I rarely have them after three years but every once in a while I'll have one. I always feel badly in the dream and realize I've got to come here and confess and start all over. But it's just a dream. In my waking life I'm sober.

Hevyn

I agree with least, bexxed. I had those dreams too - but they stopped after a few weeks. We've beaten ourselves up quite badly, and we need time to heal. You'll go through many phases as you recover. You're doing great - congratulations on your Day 13.

Mountainmanbob

Dollyangel17

Hi Bexxed...

For a few days in a row, I had drinking dreams too. They were pretty much the same...I was drinking and trying to hide my glass like I always used to do, except I felt awful in my dream. I like to think it was a way for me to see into the future at how I would feel if I did drink in reality and it would help to keep me sober.

Taking5

This is very common. Don't let it bother you just stay on a good path.

ScottFromWI

I'm about 5 months in and get them occasionally. For me the worst part is that in the dreams i'm depressed because I relapsed/drank. Fortunately when I wake up all is good because i didn't drink!

I had the same thing happen when I quit nicotine several years ago. I'd have dreams that I went and bought some snuff, etc.... After a couple of years those seem to have just about completely disappeared, i'm hoping the same thing happens with the drinking ones eventually.

ersatzmatriarch

hey bexxed (and everyone)...

i just had one two days ago while i took a nap.

in the dream, i didn't actually drink... my dream-self just went instantly from completely fine to insanely plastered. couldn't see the clock clearly enough to see what time it was, and was so plowed i couldn't remember what time to pick the kids up from school anyway. even inside the dream, my dream-self was so angry... screaming "NO NO NO!" over and over.

i woke right after, put some cool water on my face, and just kept doing the next right thing for my day... but i was shaken.

i talked about it with my sponsor because i was so confused... i hadn't even had a real-life complusion or urge to drink, why was that in my dream.

she mentioned that it's in our sleep that our body does a great deal of healing, and in our recovery our brains need to heal as well.

i've made the choice to look at it as a vision of what i'm walking (or crawling some moments) away from... as well as a gift of knowledge of what will happen if i ever pick up that first drink. i figure, hell... let my dream-self get soused all she wants in early recovery... my real self can take those lessons and grow from them just as i'm growing from my SR and AA fellowships!

but, i feel ya. not comfortable in the least. sweeter dreams to us all as we grow in recovery!

Nuudawn

I had a drinking dream just last night. I'm on day 2. I drank a beer in my dream then remembered that I had quit drinking. I was incredulous that I had drank the beer without realizing I was trying to quit. It was quite surreal.