InspiringBurden

So I was three weeks sober on what was going to be my heroic final stand again the bottle. It was a saturday and I was expecting 250 visitors to my place to tour them around. A thunderstorm the night before knocked out the power, 75mm of rains setup the challenged.

The morning came and while I performed well, but the end of the day I was utterly spent and the addiction took hold. Reason departed and before I know it I'd drank a bottle of wine and a beer. I needed energy to replenish what was taken from me during the day.

Yes, people were inspired, but it came at my cost.

I was curious to see if I would continue drinking the following day and because my life is configured to provide little relief, I found myself after a full week of intense work cumulating in a public talk/tour, I would be Dadda to my two beautiful daughters while my estranged partner had her 'day off', followed by her afternoon off today. So unsurprisingly, I drank a couple of bottles of wine and come Monday I'm back at it!

Someone... tell me tomorrow will be different!?!
Please.... I want to break free of this cycle...

hypochondriac

Do you believe you have any element of control over your actions?

I can understand the stress element, that was something I was really afraid of myself. I had a solo public performance when I was only months sober and I had no idea what to do to 'reward' myself afterwards. I think in the past the thought of a drink was what kept me going. But that is just addiction. It doesn't matter if you are going to the corner shop to buy milk or speaking in front of thousands of people, if you drink you'll be drinking after them both. Sober I found I was able to enjoy the stressful occasions themselves and not diminish my achievement by making it all about drinking.

If each time you do something stressful you don't drink after it then things will become progressively easier x

InspiringBurden

Have you retired, because you speak as though it's the past tense hypochondriac. I ask, because sometimes I see the solution being the retirement of my goals.

visch1

Tomorrow can be different if we remember "If we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to try to get sober again." Then most things (us) will get better if we want to and work in that direction. BE WELL

MIRecovery

AA has a solution. All you have to do is reach out and grasp it

hypochondriac

Haha, no I am definitely not retired. I am in my early 30's and don't earn much. My day to day job I don't find too stressful but I am a musician as well and had some gigs I was stressed about. That was a while ago now hence the past tense. Well spotted x

Dee74

It can be...if we make different choices.

Stress ruled my life too - and the only coping mechanism I had was alcohol and drugs.

Now my life is different - I made a lot of changes in the way I spent my days, the people I spent my days with and the places I hung around in. I changed my career, and I let go of being General Manager of the Universe

The way I deal with stress is different too...I find exercise to be far more effective than drinking ever was, for example.

Inly yuou know what changes you need to make, and how far you're prepared to go - but if you want change? make change. It really is that simple....not easy...but simple

You'll find a wealth of support here

OneLessLonely