jstar

I want to throw in the towel...ugh..is it possible to be frustrated with being sober. I just want to be numb. I just want to feel nothing. It's been such a process and I'm so tired of trying.

Dee74

It's very possible to be frustrated - at least it was for me jstar.

I spent over 20 years being numb, avoiding situations, running away from feeling anything.

It took a great adjustment for me to get used to feeling again, to dealing with life and it's problems, and not being numb.

It really was worth it tho.

I found the more I faced, the more I grew, and the more I grew the more I liked it

Give it a little time, and patience.
A little faith that things will turn out ok might not hurt either....

Do you have any support besides SR?

D

jstar

Hi dee...you always say the right things. I'm just feeling crummy and stuck and bored and...and..and... I know intellectually things will get better if I just stick with it. I just feel completely discouraged at the moment.

neferkamichael

Jstar, don't do it.

jstar

Oh I forgot to answer your question dee....yes I go to AA as well as coming to SR.

Dee74

That's great jstar - I think support is so so important

D

hypochondriac

Keep going Jstar. These are just moments you have to go through and you will come out the other side stronger every time. Sometimes I found it helped to think of sobriety not as something which I had to try to do but that I had to let drinking go and just accept my sobriety. Take care x

jstar

I just love this site. You know it really helps me a lot to read others stories, especially when I'm having such a pity party with myself. I want to give up but at the same time I don't. I see that sobriety is possible long term. I know I'm still new with just over 4 months sober but man I want to drink all the time lately. Everything sems to irritate me and I'm just feeling so lonely unhappy. ..see there are those "feelings" that I desperately want to numb out/get rid of!

BarbieKen

Hi jstar,
I'm 6 months myself. Anger? Yes. My husband and I have been talking off n on since Friday about my anger. I just keep silently saying the Serenity Prayer, going to my meetings, reading SR, go to the gym and walk it off. My gut is telling me it's part of the process. Just tonight the "Anger" titled posts keep catching my eye. I keep reminding myself, this too shall pass. PLUS, I could be drink and angry..... Been there and done that too. :-D

Nighthawk8820

Absolutely!!! Frustration is normal. People tend to want instant gratification, but you have to realize that putting the bottle down isnt the hard part, its learning to be an actual human being without it. All the reasons you used have to now be dealt with in a way you arent used to. They have to be faced and overcame, which scares everyone. The thing is, you learn to cope on your own, and each time you meet and obstacle head on and conquer it, your confidence and self esteem grow. As you grow, your frustration will go away. Hang in there!!!

“Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic. It’s just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
— Liz Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Admiral

I thought that sobriety would be a magical solution to all of my problems, I was wrong.

Abusing drugs and alcohol is like playing with a childs Fisher Price instrument. It's colorful and it's simple and it's got eight keys! You like it because it's familiar and it's easy to use, hot cross buns, yankee doodle and other classics never sounded so good before!

A real piano is like a sober life, it's got a ton of keys and pedals and will take decades to master! It's pretty intimidating, and at times it sure is tempting to give up and go back to the old Fisher Price, but in the end the real piano will pay out in spades and completely dwarf the fisher price in terms of what can be accomplished.

LadyinBC

You are so not alone in this. I drank to feel nothing and it is hard to break this overnight. You have 4 months and that is great! It is not uncommon to feel this way when we reach milestones. Like 90 days, 6 months etc.

Even now Jstar I still have to fight it sometimes and you know it is okay for us to feel this way. It is how we deal with it that is important.

You are going good and you are being honest and open and that really is a good thing. Just take it day by day.

ImperfectlyMe

Jstar the feeling of feelings is what led many of us to drink. Alcohol was my cape that made me the super hero to become invisible at any given time. All I wanted to do was not be where I was not feel what I felt. When you remove the "cape" you are so vulnerable.. Naked almost. You have to learn to feel and process all of your emotions. It takes a lot if work and time but it is soooooo worth it.

Being uncomfortable SUCKS but it's the only way to grow. Reading old post if what brought you here helps, as well as reading some of the successful people ( dee, least, hevyrn) stories may give you a glimmer of hope and inspiration. Dint give up now there is an up for every down!

sugarbear1

try getting to different meetings...

DarrenJGalea

jstar, I'm impressed. I've only done 22 days and I think I'm doing well, but wow! 4 months! One of the things that keeps me going is the support I get here at SR, and like you I love following other people's stories and progress. When someone reaches a milestone, I'm happy, and when someone loses heart or loses rhythm I get sad too. So anyway I really hope that you take courage and stay strong and sober; you're obviously a strong person to have got this far. Good luck and best wishes