greatguy2013

Well people this may be long but I hope it helps. My gf tried crack about a year ago. She had been married, divorced and she went through a similar ordeal with her own daughter who was addicted to all sorts of thing at a very young age 14-16. She had to have her removed to live with her grandparents. Well my gf tried it and was ok for about 6 months using it here and there. Then everything fell apart about 5 months ago. She started using every couple of days and sometimes 4-6 times a day when her bimonthly checks came in or baby bonus etc. She didnt pay her rent or bills and was up for eviction being behind in rent $2300. She borrowed money against her refund return and spent the entire $2000 in a week on crack. Eventually I got a hold of her bank cards and determined that she had spent $10,000 or more on crack in 4 months. Eventually, she agreed to let me control her bank accounts and gave me her bank cards. But she just went to the bank in person and withdrew all the funds until I found out. Now this was her own bank account so I didn't care too much. So what I did was to open a joint account with her and then open a separate account that only had my name on it. Then every time money went into her account, I either manually transferred it to my account or had it sent there automatically. BTW we do not live together. From there I was able to pay her bills and rent off and she accepted it or I would leave her and she would get no, help. Well for a while she still managed to binge by borrowing money from everyone and then pawning everything. She eventually got caught cause she pawned her parents rings and jewlery and her sons PSP etc. The parents found out and threatened to call police. After there was nothing left to pawn she started driving the dealers around and they would give her $100 to $200 in crack a day. She kept trying to stop and counselling was only once a week so that didnt do much. We thought she was getting clean cause she had gone for 5 days without doing it. We started hanging out with her most every minute. But then one day she just didnt come home from work and went on a 3 day bender. She still manage to work each day though with absolutely no sleep. WE tried to take her car keys away but she shoved her daughter, grabbed the spares and sped off to the crack house. The police were called and said they could do nothing and could not take the car away. But they were aware of the vehicle as they have seen it there so much and said she would be jailed if caught driving high or transporting drugs. Anyways, she finally came home and had some sleep and something to eat and this time her daughter has taken over the car and since she doesnt work she will drive her mom to each and every work client until she is done each day and then not let the mom have the car on her own. Thats where we are at now. Wish us luck.

SoberForMySon

Wow that's a lot to deal with. It doesn't sound like she's interested in quitting. Has she considered it?

Dee74

Hi greatguy
I'm sorry for your situation - that must be very hard to deal with.
Have you considered something like Nar-Anon?

I know you'll find support here too. Do check out our Family and Friends forums too

D

LoveMeNow

Attempts to control my husband and his addiction almost literally me crazy and didn't help him in the least. In fact, most times, enabling makes things worse.

As you have experienced, addiction is progressive. Unless she really, really wants help, she is going to outsmart you at every turn. She looks the same, sounds the same, but her brain is very sick and has been rewired.

Her brain is now operating in survival mode! She will do anything for the drug. Please make sure you use protection if you are still being intimate. Crack addicts can often have a very high sex drive and the need for the drug will allow them to do anything.

As a spouse of an addict, I can really empathize with your situation. It was very humbling to learn that I was powerless over his choices and I had to allow him to feel the negative consequences. Having a front row seat was very painful and not something I would recommend for anyone.

neferkamichael

I'm 1 year 8 months no crack after 32 years of using. I certainly wish her the best of luck, please do not enable her in any way.

Impurrfect

greatguy - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here.

I strongly echo what Dee said, please check out the friends & family (F&F) forum here:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

FWIW, I'm a recovering crack addict (6+ years) but I also have loved ones who are still addicted to one thing or another.

Crack took me to lows I never thought I'd go to, but I did. I am eternally grateful to my loved ones who allowed me to deal with the consequences (including loss of a really good career, homelessness, jail, etc.) and get tired enough of it that I chose recovery.

The F&F forum not only helped me to see what I had put my family through, but it also helped me to see that I can't "fix" my loved ones who are addicted.

Recovery from crack is possible, but it has to be HER decision. Please read around, because an A (addict and/or alcoholic) can drag you down as they keep using.

I suggest you take care of YOU and allow her the dignity, as an adult, to find her own way.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy