astroturf

So hi everyone. I've belonged to this forum before, about 3 years ago, but I only lasted 28 days. RX Opiate addiction 5+years. I'm on day 30ish...this month has been a blur, so I'm not exactly positive on the date of last use, but it's been at least 30 days.

I am running out of sanity.

I am in so much skin-crawling pain. My chest hurts and burns, my arms are the same, and the hot and clod flashes are never ending. Please please please someone tell me that this is not forever...because it feels like it will never stop. I am desperate...last time I was here, it took about 2 weeks to get over the major withdrawals...I don't remember this pain lingering...I don't remember feeling like I just want to go to sleep and deal with nothing.

Last time I had gone to an NA meeting by now...I think I had come here during the first week of withdrawals and I felt motivated by the support you all gave me.

SoberForMySon

I don't know anything about opiates, but hopefully someone will chime in who does. Might be time to try a meeting again. If you're really suffering, it could be wise to see a doctor and get checked out.

Mountainmanbob

astroturf

I did some house cleaning...just a little bit. Thank you for PMing me...warm fuzzies that you would go out of your way to do that! I just needed to get that stuff out...need to persevere! Thanks onehigherpower

UnixBer

Sounds good so far. I hope you'll keep getting better and better, 'cause you will, if you just stay sober. I'm drinking myself now. Good luck astro. I know you'll make it.

astroturf

Unixber, you could come on this journey with me....thank you for supporting me!

shoreladylu

I don't have experience with opiates either, but I would guess it's similar to other drugs in that the addiction progressively gets worse- and so does the withdrawal. Withdrawing this time is harder than last time. And having to withdrawing again would be harder than this time. It will get better! Stay strong! You worked too hard to give in and make yourself have to go through all of this again!

astroturf

It definitely does get worse over time, doesn't it...I can't believe it's taken 5 years of my life. Every few hours just waiting to dose again, every single day...planning my entire day around pills - not living, lying, hiding it from everyone. I'm actually too scared to take another one....this is hell and I don't want to do it again.

Nighthawk8820

Its one of the most difficult addictions to overcome, but it WILL end, it will get better. I promise you. Ive noticed that in life, just when you think you cant deal with things for another second, they tend to get better. 30 days and how many years of addiction? It takes time, but you can do it. Your life will change 100% for the better, but you have to earn it.

astroturf

Thank you so much...really...I know you all understand where I am, and your thoughts have really touched me. Nighthawk8820 you are so right on...I do feel better this week...more positive and stronger!

astroturf

Hey everyone who was rooting for me...I'm feeling better...it's almost been 4 months I think. I messed up one time, and I felt so so sick from the medication, so maybe it was a good thing in a way. Now I know.

So I hope it's not a cop out to admit that I messed up once...I don't feel like it reset my recovery, only strengthened my resolve.

I'm still finding myself going through old routines (like not eating until it was time to take a pill). I keep reminding myself that I can eat whenever I want to! There's no schedule anymore. No anticipation of my next dose, no guilt about using, and I keep finding myself realizing that I feel so much better.

I have started taking care of myself. I went to the doctor and found out what the chest pain is, among other things. Honestly after I got through the first couple of months, I started feeling much more positively about things.

So thank you all for getting me through that time when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel much stronger and hopeful. <3

Dee74

really glad to hear it astroturf

D