sandgirl

Hi,
This is going to sound so pathetic but I just found out my ex-boyfriend is having a baby with someone after he wouldn`t commit to it with me. He probably didn`t commit to her but I wouldn`t by sly and make it happen. I`ve been sober for nearly 3 months and it`s what I want-just this hurts so much! I know drink isn`t the answer and I`ve locked myself in the house-all my friends want to take me out for a drink and I said no. I just need to know it`s gonna be better to say sober tonight and it will be ok...pathetic to ask strangers for help I know but I need people to say its not ok to get drunk tonight.

SoberForMySon

It's definitely okay to stay sober tonight, and tomorrow too. You're never alone here.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Sandgirl.

Where did you get this idea, girl? Who said it's pathetic? And sometimes our friends act like strangers, and strangers save our life.

IT IS NOT OK to get drunk tonight. Actually is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

Let it go. It shall pass. Once you are sober you have a chance to change your life and leave the past behind, build your better future.

Keep posting - it's a great community of 'strangers' here who always support, encourage, and give awesome advice.

Take care)

Mountainmanbob

Anna

We're not strangers here, we're family. We do understand.

And, good for you for taking the high road and not 'accidentally' getting pregnant. Who knows what will happen with your ex and this new girl. You've done the right thing and you're going to stay sober today.

sandgirl

Thanks for the help-I needed to hear that! My friends are great they just drink a lot and being as we`re from Wales that's what people do-I don`t want to anymore. I really appreciate the help to keep my head `straight`. Think I`m gonna go to bed to try to switch off. Thanks again x

sugarbear1

Hugs & love sent to you.

Stay strong and stay stopped.

Mizzuno

Goodnight. I am sorry that you are feeling down tonight. I think that you have made the right decision to not drink.

Scott6433

Sandgirl, here are you options. 1) Stay strong,sober and keep moving forward or 2) *Now this one is "hypothetical" of course and I "personally" have no experience with this ...after a bad breakup w/ the "love of your life" you can go back to drinking invariably increasing it 10 fold in attempts to either end the pain or your own life altogether. Amidst this little roller coaster ride you can look forward to such things as creating fake facebook pages to be able to not only track them but watch every single life update including watching them date/sleep around with others, then finally meet someone, them moving into together, buying a house, throwing away anything you ever had together and finally getting married. YOU can actually view their wedding photos that you are surprisingly absent from which ironically enough took place in a large brew pub down the street from where I live that she and I used to frequent. You can watch Craigslist for the listings of her selling all of the jewelry you got for her over the years and get to obsess at how much happier they appear without you. You can sit there on your couch drunk not moving for 2 years constantly replaying all the memories in your head, looking at old pictures and watching old videos of you 2 and most importantly you need to make sure to completely and entirely isolate yourself from your friends, family and any romantic possibilities as well all thanks to good old alcohol. Again of course all this is "hypothetical." Sandgirl, please stay sober if not for anyone else today do it for me. I don't advise the later, that much I can promise you.

SnwFlower

Good for you for staying sober! Drinking never makes it better, only worse. The same thing happened to me a few years back, my boyfriend of 3 years (we even bought a house together) ended up getting back together with is ex-girlfriend. They moved to NY and got pregnant and married right after we broke up. It tore me to pieces, but drinking never helped - it only wasted my time and prolonged the misery. Take the high road, do the best for yourself that you can, be healthy and stay sober and things will get so much better so much quicker when you are sober.

Hang in there. We are family here and support you every step of the way.

sandgirl

Aw-Scott thanks:-), I'm going with 1. He broke my heart and I'll prob never be the same again as like you say "he was the one", but life goes on (I'm bloody determined now!!!)my Dad just died so my Mum needs me-so I'm gonna listen to a bit of Foo fighters 'Best of you', cwtch up in bed and pray life will start again tomorrow x

Jeni26

I love this Anna, so very true x

This is such a supportive safe place to be. Staying sober is absolutely the right thing to do. Drinking will only make your sadness unmanageable. You will get through this x

sandgirl

Thank you Snwflower Xxx

360shoes

Just my opinion but I believe we love because of our capacity to love. It isn't something we don't have until it given to us. If that were the case, many people would never experience that powerful emotion. I wouldn't be to interested in living in a world where I couldn't experience love until someone came along and gave it to me. I prefer the I already have it with many ways to express it approach.

You learned you have the capacity to love deeply. He didn't give you that quality and he certainly can't take what was all ready yours to begin with.

Love yourself first. Don't drink because you want that immediate gratification of changing how you feel right now. It won't change it. It just buries it and in the process numbs you and leaves you with no way of ever learning how to change how you feel and your life all on your own. I speak from my own experience.

I always mourned the possibility of a relationship more than I did the reality of it when one ended. It hurts when a dream is dashed. I've had my share of this as most people do.

I'm sorry you are hurting. And as much as people always told me it would be alright and I wanted to puke and just go hide in bed with the covers over my head, they were right.

Bad news is you are going to hurt for a little while. Good news is you will learn how to heal yourself if you don't drink. A very helpful skill in life I might add. More good news is you will eventually feel better, be stronger, and have the possibility of meeting someone who treats you with respect and you both share your love with each other.

Hang in there Sandgirl.

animalnurse9

Hey girl I was in a similar situation. My boyf got someone pregnant, while he was with me. He later left her too...and got someone else pregnant. All that time he had said, no I'm not ready for kids *rolls eyes* ......at the end of the day, even though it hurts right now, you are 100% better off without him in your life.you are creating a new life now, where u need positive experiences and he will never b a part of the positive vibe. Its more than okay to stay sober tonight, you deserve to stay sober because you deserve to be kind to yourself and look after yourself xx

Dee74

I'm sorry Sandgirl - but I thin k you've done all the right things for yourself.

As I get older I also believe there are actually many 'ones' in people's lives...time will tell whats ahead

D

Bruce292

You're not pathetic. You're a human being which is pretty amazing just to begin with. You've been sober 3 months! That's wonderful. I have a long way to go to get that far. I told my friends about my need to get sober. Some of them still try to get me out to drink. My real friends, even those who still drink, are supportive and don't try to get me to drink. My humble bit of advice would be to listen to those friends. Again, you're not pathetic.

Nighthawk8820

Its really not that dramatic. You have to trust the universe has a different plan for you, and he wasnt part of it. You didnt lose out on anything, you most likely avoided the hell that would have come with him being in your life, let along having a kid with him. It would have sent you in an entirely different direction that wasnt meant for you. Be thankful it happened this way. Even if something seems like it totally sucks at the moment, there will be a time you see the reason for it down the road. It could be a week, it could be 20 years, but it will happen.

sandgirl

Thank you to everyone who helped me yesterday! You're really kind-because of your help I slept we'll and things are back in perspective today. Onwards and upwards in sobriety:-). Really appreciate the support!