bradley26

my mum went bananas last night and said alcoholics can stop if they want to, even though her best friend almost died because of drink, surely she is misinformed? or are us alcoholics weak? im really annoyed i need some reassurance.

Dee74

Opinions can't hurt us - unless we let them.
Don't get upset about what someone else thinks - even its your mum.

If we could all just stop there'd be no need for SR.

D

visch1

Hi. There's an expression around AA that "YA GUTTA WANA" and I'll add be honest with yourself to stay stopped. BE WELL

rennn

my mother goes bananas as well sometimes and proclaims many ridiculous things

laurie6781

That is what a majority of the world believes. Many still think it is a matter of 'will power' and that we just don't want to stop. WRONG

My mother believed that until the day she died. She accepted my sobriety after I had been sober and clean for about 2 years but there was always that 'grey cloud' over her head saying 'you didn't have to take it so far. You didn't have to live on the streets for 1 1/2 years. you just didn't use your 'will power.' etc etc" And no, she didin't give me congratulations for something (staying sober, not over drinking, etc) I should have been doing all along, in her mind.

And you know what? It finally became 'okay' that she didn't understand. She didn't have to. She could believe whatever she wanted to believe. I knew, for me, it was not a matter of 'will power'. I knew, for me, that there were folks, no matter where I went that did understand. They were just friends I hadn't met yet.

I know she is your mother and you do love her. But, sometimes we have to put what people (family especially) say on a back burner and not look at or listen to it. As you stay sober, your actions will show how much you have changed.

Love and hugs,

ru12

Well I didn't stop drinking until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Nobody stopped drinking for me, I had to do it.

tomsteve

my bother in law started that crap whne i was about 2 or 3 years into recovery.
i asked,"whats yer point?"
no more talk about it.

Michael66

Like ru12 I drank because ultimately that's what I wanted to do. Sure I'd regret drinking and say I don't want ever to drink again, but usually with 24 or 48hrs I did want to drink again. Just occasionally though I did get a glimpse of another side - I'd feel rubbish, and I had no real appetite for alcohol, yet I drank anyway - and those were the most miserable days of all with no enjoyment at all from the alcohol (mostly I did enjoy it - I just had trouble not over-shooting the mark, kinda like every day). Mostly though I drank because I wanted to.

Getting to the point of really deep-down accepting that life-long sobriety was my only option was by far the hardest part of giving up for me. It took years. After I reached that point I was then miserable for the first 3-4 months of sobriety and then started really enjoying sobriety.

doggonecarl

You have your own doubts about your status as an alcoholic, so I don't doubt you would key in on something your mom would say that your addiction would use to it's advantage.

Give your mom a hug, and don't get into discussions about your drinking or your recovery with her. Instead, find some recovering alcoholics and find out how they did it!

Cascabel

There are people of whom it can be said "Often in error but seldom in doubt". Is that the case here?

2granddaughters

If we could just stop there would be no need for AA.

All the best.

Bob R

PaperDolls

Just read this today - thought it applied here.

http://www.thefix.com/content/****-non-addicts-say91717

ru12

Some people can just stop. Others can't. Good thing there are options for all.

ACT10Npack

OP, that statement from your mom is not really clear. Its more complex then a one sentence statement. It can be true and false.

Next time if or when your mother says that statement ask what she means by that.

Gottalife

Many think the alcoholic is just a drunk. But there is a difference.

The drunk could stop if he would.
The alcoholic would stop if he could.

Carlotta

I could not keep drinking but I could not stop. VERY scary. It s only when the pain of addiction way outweigh whatever pleasure we used to get from it at the beginning and see a flash of once in a while that we might be lucky enough to have a moment of sanity and quit. Then comes the hard work of staying quit.
"Normies" will never fully understand but I know all of you guys do

Abetterway

I find this argument very confusing and I do identify as an alcoholic. Regardless of all my other excuses, I drank because I wanted to. Now I am sober and I am sober because I want to be. No one is stopping me from drinking. Maybe she is right but not for the reasons she thinks.

Peter G

Sort of amazes me the sheer amount of misery/hell a full blown alcoholic can go through in life, being witnessed by 'normies' left and right, yet the overwhelming observation applied to that person, even as they're being dragged by the short hairs through a literal hell on earth is always "you don't need to do this.." or "it's up to you, just stop", or "this is a product of your bad choices".

I dunno, seems so counter-intuitive to me, how we can watch a 'proper' disease tear a person apart and feel such empathy and sympathy, yet when a drunk kills himself in the most irrational and insane ways, it's because "we wanted it that way", or because "we're just weak people". Such nonsense. Just MHO.

toomuchtoolose

The battle of accepting / questioning if you are an alcoholic and what the hell that really means anyway is one if the toughest but most important parts of this process. Research on 'addictive voice' really helped me :-) so did Jason vales kick the drink book. Good luck!!

Rennet

She is saying it is about the strength of willpower, when it is about the weight which that power must lift.

Not too far off though, demonstrates a misunderstanding of the addict's perspective.