Doogie92

I've really cut way back in my drinking but when I do go out now I drink wayyyy to much and I am filled with regret and disgust and I'm sick for three days, can't sleep, eat horribly, stop working out etc. I'm at a point where I'm so sick of it all and think I have a real chance to be healthier. But one of my biggest problems is that everyone I know (except for my boyfriend, thank goodness) drinks alot. They all wanna go to the bars, have parties, have drinks etc. and it's pretty pointless for me to tell most of them that I'm quitting because I have a problem because they just assume I'm over reacting. Or they pull the "come one just have one", trick, knowing full well I will not stop at one. It may not he my place to say, but i think alot of my friends also have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. What to do?

bryangt

You will find if you have to make a change to not drinking, you will have to disconnect yourself from people who you drink with on regular basis. You hear the phrase "people, places & things"--as these will all needed to be changed if you are to change yourself. It is one of the pillars of recovery. Although not easy, almost necessary if you are to travel down the path of sobriety. Good luck to you! p.s.--if you decide to go to AA meetings, you will be able to gain new friends who have the same goal & problems you may have...

least

I've found that the more a person protests your sobriety, the greater the chance of them having a problem with it too. Not to mention, some people are just jerks who take a "no thanks" as a personal insult that you don't want to party with them. You may have to make some new friends if you know these people will be against your efforts to stay sober and healthy.

I'd stop going out with them and don't think I"d miss them much. With friends like that, who needs enemies.

David10

radical total lifestyle change. Stop going to bars. Make new friends if necessary.

Anna

Yeah, don't go to bars and find new activities to be involved in with people who don't drink.

It's hard to make those choices, but I think it's the way to recovery.

bexxed

I think there's actually a large world out there, even in small towns, and I'm just starting to kind of see it. Things I never ever recognized, so dismissed without even listening to or looking at... like: Did you know that people are part of lots of different clubs and groups? That they go to local events and do volunteer shifts at places like hospitals? Did you know there are still roller skating rinks out there? There are things like chess clubs that meet at places like bookstore cafes, there's community theater that anyone can be part of... the list I think goes on and on.

I am ready, so ready, for a big change. Bring on the new friends and new things to do!

pattyj

I had to give up on my boyfriend of 6 years because he would not put the booze down. That also meant that I had to give up his whole family as well. I gave up my drinking friends, which turned out to be all my friends, and I had to find new places to go. It really, REALLY sucks in the beginning. I cried a lot. I did not want to make these changes. But at 45 days sober, I am so much happier and a whole new person. Yes, I am lonely without a boyfriend but I had to realize that I came first. I have not made close friends in AA yet but I know a lot of people and have a sponsor. I have found other hobbies besides the bar scene as well.

doggonecarl

Sounds like you are ready to quit completely. Also sounds like you can't imagine not drinking, not going out to bars, not having "fun" with your friends.

You can't moderate. Hanging with your friends leads to drinking. Tough to balance the two.

Time to pick sobriety.

Sasha4

I became aware of a few things when I stopped drinking.

1. I was bored with usual events/nights out etc where drinking was the main focus. I just became bored as in I was happy to not drink, but really I wanted to be somewhere else doing something else. I just found it tedious. I would rather be at home with my family, in bed reading, anything, just not in a noisy room filled with people swigging booze.

2. I learnt/still am learning to put a brave face on and get through alcohol fuelled events/evenings/activities. I smile, I make conversation, I laugh, I join in without drinking. In my mind I don't let anyone down or come across as dull. In fact if anything I was duller when I drank as I could not string a sentence together most of the time.

3. By the time most people/friends/colleagues are a few drinks in, they do not care if you drink or not. You could pass a diet coke off as a vodka and coke for all they care.

4. People who do not have our problem just do not understand. They can have one drink and leave it. I can't. Simple as that. There is probably little point explaining.

5. When I gave up, people were curious. I was asked why. At first I said I thought drinking to excess was unhealthy and I had challenged myself to go a month without drinking. Then it went to 6 months, then a year.

6. Some people were curious, mainly because they too had fallen into the habit of drinking every night. They had their own concerns. They wanted to know what a morning without a hangover was like. It was just genuine awe and interest. I never went into any great details, never made any statements or bold promises. I have always seen it as my battle and I will fight it quietly as I see fit.

7. The further I got with my 'challenge' of a year of no drink, the less likely people were to try and encourage me into drinking. They wanted to see me achieve what I wanted and not push me off the wagon.

8. I kept my responses lighthearted but firm. If a friend said 'well does this mean you won't celebrate my birthday?', I would answer of course I will, I will come along, I just won't drink, but I will have fun. If someone pressured me too much, I would simply say no.

It will get easier, I promise.
My best to you
x

Dee74

I really tried just to not drink, and change nothing else Doogie.
It didn't work.

My life, my friends, my idea of fun was all tied up in drinking.

To stay sober, I had to have a complete lifestyle makeover.

D

Doogie92

I liked the point after a few drinks in most people won't care or notice if you are drinking a diet coke or a rum and coke. Very true. I know a big part of me still will give into the urge to drink around friends who are,and now that summer is approaching I have so many birthdays and weddings and it just makes things more complicated for me feeling guilty saying no to everyone. But I am so ready for my first sober summer since I was 14! I'm actually not all that social and am quite happy alone with my family/few close friends, so I actually am not overly afraid of missing out on these events I'm more worried what people will think of me or say behind my back as stupid as that sounds...but how the hell do you politely explain to someone that you can't attend an important life event because you are trying to quit drinking and you know everyone there will be constantly offering you something to drink? After all it's their "special day" I'm supposed to be there to support them...

Dee74

Part of my problem, for many many years, was I thought more of other people than I did of myself.

If you want to celebrate special days & important life events with people, take them out for coffee one on one.

That's way more special than 'being there' at a drunken get together where, lets be honest, people don't really remember who was there or not.

the bottom line is noone ever stopped a party because I wasn't there...as harsh as that may be to my ego, it's the truth.

there'll be other parties and other life events when you're stronger and better able to handle the situation Doogie.

D

Sasha4

Don't you think that it is a little bit sad that drink is seen as a necessity to fully celebrate an important milestone or celebration though?

I do.

I once went to a 1st birthday party. I never saw the baby. There was a tent filled with booze. The mum did not get out of bed for 3 days she was so hungover. That does not seem right to me somehow.

I have been to events that I got so drunk at, I could not tell you what I ate, what the first dance was, what time I went to bed. I couldn't even recall if I had had a nice time or not.

Added to this would be the fact that I would be paranoid with extreme anxiety for about a week after, wondering what I said to people, what I did.

To me thats celebrating nothing. Its just causing me and those around me more misery.

My best
x

Doogie92

Yeah I do think it's really sad that so many people have te mind set celebration equals drinking and drugs. I don't want to be like that anymore, I've seen glimpses of sobriety and it's so much more satisfying that always being messed up. Sometimes when I think back to when I was really bad with drugs on top of alcohol I feel sick to know I was that far gone and thought I was somehow normal. Sometimes I miss it still but having new experiences being sober is even more amazing and I feel like a new person every day.

Sasha4

Sometimes you have to strong to stand up for what you believe to be right.

I do witness the next day and there are often more than many who wish they decided to not drink.

I truly fit the 'never regretted not drinking' statement

sassu78

It still surprises me that this society doesn't make you feel quilty of destroying your body with alcohol, or misbehaving, or blacking out or driving drunk...All that is a great, funny story you tell your friends the next time you're drinking..."oh I got so drunk I don't even remember saying this...doing that..."...
Once you get sober, you feel sooooooooo quilty for not drinking!!! What is wrong with this picture???