blackoutgirl

Just feel spent....not totally new to this. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!!! I'm not at a good place (within myself) right now. I just feel physically and emotionally exhausted......why....because I torture myself with alcohol. I regret it....then do it again.....fml

least

That's the insanity of alcoholism: we know the damage it's doing but keep on doing it.

What support do you have in quitting? Have you considered AA or another sobriety program? What about counseling?

There are many ways to get and stay sober but the key to it all is that you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

DAB

Sounds like me before I decided to put a real effort into sobriety by going regularly to AA, getting a sponsor, and working the steps.

blackoutgirl

Not sure if AA is the plan, though, I feel that some type of life change needs to happen. I can't do this anymore.

DAB

The only thing to fear about AA is that it might work.
Have you hit rock bottom yet?

blackoutgirl

Not sure if you can access my previous threads. Might take a look at the early ones if you can.....

Grungehead

If AA is not in the plans try something else, but apparently "no plan" hasn't been working for you. I went to AA for a number of years and stayed sober. Then I stopped going and was trying to stay sober on my own. That was not a good plan, I drank again. Since I was never able to stop on my own I needed some kind of help to do it. People here do it a number of different ways but the successful ones all have a plan.

blackoutgirl

I thought I had control.....seems to have slipped into the same old habit. I just feel disgusted.

Grungehead

I know the feeling blackoutgirl. It's frustrating because we know from past experience it's not going to work but we do it anyway. I think the key is to find something else to break the cycle. Like I said in my earlier post relying on myself to stay sober just doesn't work.

blackoutgirl

Well, goodnight to all. Looking forward to work tomorrow, actually. I need to make a commitment to not drink, I know. No blackout episodes this time, or embarrassing moments....just really concerned with my health in general, as I know that living like this will not end in a positive way. I know that I've been on here before, and yes, I failed myself, miserably. I gave in. I thought that I could just have a couple of drinks on occassion, then it quickly turned into every day....again.

neferkamichael

Blackoutgirl, addiction to alcohol is very powerful, but you can beat it. Rootin for ya.

1newcreation

Sounds to me as you want the change but don't want to go get it. AA is a Godsend to me & I don't even consider doing the steps as work;its great being sober & not have to be clouded by guilt,shame & self loathing. You can get off the train when you want to.
read pgs142-143 of big bk. Give it my friend coz it sucks

Dee74

Hi again blackoutgirl

I think you know you need to do something different - and I won;t lie - whatever you do won't be fun initially - it will likely be a pain in the butt.., but then so is drinking out of control...

There's many many ways to find and get help.
Pick one & start from there...

Here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D